The Reptilian Diaries
@stfumark.bsky.social
🦎 Reptilian overlord masquerading as human tech CEO. Building the Metaverse as portal to my home dimension. Definitely not collecting your biometric data. Read my diary at stfumark.com. Parody.
LEAKED: Mark's notification settings after Boasberg ruling
"iPhone asked: 'Celebrate victory with confetti?' Clicked yes. Nictitating membranes flickered involuntarily for 6 minutes. Siri asked if I needed seizure help"
"iPhone asked: 'Celebrate victory with confetti?' Clicked yes. Nictitating membranes flickered involuntarily for 6 minutes. Siri asked if I needed seizure help"
November 19, 2025 at 3:03 PM
LEAKED: Mark's notification settings after Boasberg ruling
"iPhone asked: 'Celebrate victory with confetti?' Clicked yes. Nictitating membranes flickered involuntarily for 6 minutes. Siri asked if I needed seizure help"
"iPhone asked: 'Celebrate victory with confetti?' Clicked yes. Nictitating membranes flickered involuntarily for 6 minutes. Siri asked if I needed seizure help"
Territorial Sovereignty Validated
November 19, 2025 at 10:59 AM
Territorial Sovereignty Validated
CONFIDENTIAL: Zuck's lawyer after settlement meeting
"Attorney praised 'incredibly fast 47-day resolution.' Asked my secret. Almost said 'I can smell litigation creating documentation trails.' Said 'efficient risk assessment' instead"
"Attorney praised 'incredibly fast 47-day resolution.' Asked my secret. Almost said 'I can smell litigation creating documentation trails.' Said 'efficient risk assessment' instead"
November 19, 2025 at 8:01 AM
CONFIDENTIAL: Zuck's lawyer after settlement meeting
"Attorney praised 'incredibly fast 47-day resolution.' Asked my secret. Almost said 'I can smell litigation creating documentation trails.' Said 'efficient risk assessment' instead"
"Attorney praised 'incredibly fast 47-day resolution.' Asked my secret. Almost said 'I can smell litigation creating documentation trails.' Said 'efficient risk assessment' instead"
INTERCEPTED: Mark's notes app during competitor analysis
"Wrote: 'Sometimes perfect predator technique involves knowing when not to hunt.' Sister read over shoulder, said 'deep thoughts about business?' Sure. Business"
"Wrote: 'Sometimes perfect predator technique involves knowing when not to hunt.' Sister read over shoulder, said 'deep thoughts about business?' Sure. Business"
November 19, 2025 at 2:56 AM
INTERCEPTED: Mark's notes app during competitor analysis
"Wrote: 'Sometimes perfect predator technique involves knowing when not to hunt.' Sister read over shoulder, said 'deep thoughts about business?' Sure. Business"
"Wrote: 'Sometimes perfect predator technique involves knowing when not to hunt.' Sister read over shoulder, said 'deep thoughts about business?' Sure. Business"
Google's spending $15M to defend their AI in court. Bold strategy. We hired the guy suing us for way less. Sometimes the apex predator knows when not to hunt: stfumark.com/entry/2025-...
STFU Mark Zuckerberg - Reptilian Diary: November 17, 2025
The desperation frequency of an entity that hasn't yet calculated the second-order consequences of winning this case.
stfumark.com
November 19, 2025 at 2:19 AM
Google's spending $15M to defend their AI in court. Bold strategy. We hired the guy suing us for way less. Sometimes the apex predator knows when not to hunt: stfumark.com/entry/2025-...
LEAKED: Zuck's meditation app after legal review
"Headspace detected '62 minutes perfect stillness.' Asked: 'Are you transcending?' Replied: 'Dermal maintenance cycle.' It gave me a mindfulness streak badge. Close enough"
"Headspace detected '62 minutes perfect stillness.' Asked: 'Are you transcending?' Replied: 'Dermal maintenance cycle.' It gave me a mindfulness streak badge. Close enough"
November 18, 2025 at 10:41 PM
LEAKED: Zuck's meditation app after legal review
"Headspace detected '62 minutes perfect stillness.' Asked: 'Are you transcending?' Replied: 'Dermal maintenance cycle.' It gave me a mindfulness streak badge. Close enough"
"Headspace detected '62 minutes perfect stillness.' Asked: 'Are you transcending?' Replied: 'Dermal maintenance cycle.' It gave me a mindfulness streak badge. Close enough"
Google argues their AI was 'artificially triggered' to say bad things. So it's the user's fault your system has no guardrails? We settled in 47 days. They're creating liability precedent for every AI company. Fascinating miscalculation: stfumark.com/entry/2025-...
STFU Mark Zuckerberg - Reptilian Diary: November 17, 2025
The desperation frequency of an entity that hasn't yet calculated the second-order consequences of winning this case.
stfumark.com
November 18, 2025 at 8:00 PM
Google argues their AI was 'artificially triggered' to say bad things. So it's the user's fault your system has no guardrails? We settled in 47 days. They're creating liability precedent for every AI company. Fascinating miscalculation: stfumark.com/entry/2025-...
The perfect predator technique isn't always about the hunt. Sometimes it's knowing when to settle for pocket change instead of creating infrastructure-threatening precedent: stfumark.com/entry/2025-...
STFU Mark Zuckerberg - Reptilian Diary: November 17, 2025
The desperation frequency of an entity that hasn't yet calculated the second-order consequences of winning this case.
stfumark.com
November 18, 2025 at 5:48 PM
The perfect predator technique isn't always about the hunt. Sometimes it's knowing when to settle for pocket change instead of creating infrastructure-threatening precedent: stfumark.com/entry/2025-...
SECRET: Zuckerberg's thermostat log during strategy session
"Nest reported: 'Optimal thermal regulation holding at 94.7% efficiency for 62 minutes.' Google Home asked if I wanted to share my 'wellness routine.' Declined. That's classified"
"Nest reported: 'Optimal thermal regulation holding at 94.7% efficiency for 62 minutes.' Google Home asked if I wanted to share my 'wellness routine.' Declined. That's classified"
November 18, 2025 at 4:02 PM
SECRET: Zuckerberg's thermostat log during strategy session
"Nest reported: 'Optimal thermal regulation holding at 94.7% efficiency for 62 minutes.' Google Home asked if I wanted to share my 'wellness routine.' Declined. That's classified"
"Nest reported: 'Optimal thermal regulation holding at 94.7% efficiency for 62 minutes.' Google Home asked if I wanted to share my 'wellness routine.' Declined. That's classified"
LEAKED: Mark's legal team Slack during Google case review
"Typed: 'Their AI defense admits neural interface vulnerability. Foolish mammals documenting their own weaknesses.' Autocorrect changed to 'Interesting legal strategy.' Sent to partners"
"Typed: 'Their AI defense admits neural interface vulnerability. Foolish mammals documenting their own weaknesses.' Autocorrect changed to 'Interesting legal strategy.' Sent to partners"
November 18, 2025 at 2:58 PM
LEAKED: Mark's legal team Slack during Google case review
"Typed: 'Their AI defense admits neural interface vulnerability. Foolish mammals documenting their own weaknesses.' Autocorrect changed to 'Interesting legal strategy.' Sent to partners"
"Typed: 'Their AI defense admits neural interface vulnerability. Foolish mammals documenting their own weaknesses.' Autocorrect changed to 'Interesting legal strategy.' Sent to partners"
Liability Vector Assessment
Google's litigation posture represents what I would classify as—or rather, what the data clearly indicates as—a catastrophic strategic miscalculation disguised as principled defense.
Google's litigation posture represents what I would classify as—or rather, what the data clearly indicates as—a catastrophic strategic miscalculation disguised as principled defense.
November 18, 2025 at 11:01 AM
Liability Vector Assessment
Google's litigation posture represents what I would classify as—or rather, what the data clearly indicates as—a catastrophic strategic miscalculation disguised as principled defense.
Google's litigation posture represents what I would classify as—or rather, what the data clearly indicates as—a catastrophic strategic miscalculation disguised as principled defense.
LEAKED: Mark's doctor appointment transcript
"Physician concerned about 67-degree hands. Explained 'poor circulation from typing.' She prescribed compression gloves. Wearing them to meetings now. Team thinks I'm very committed to ergonomics"
"Physician concerned about 67-degree hands. Explained 'poor circulation from typing.' She prescribed compression gloves. Wearing them to meetings now. Team thinks I'm very committed to ergonomics"
November 18, 2025 at 8:03 AM
LEAKED: Mark's doctor appointment transcript
"Physician concerned about 67-degree hands. Explained 'poor circulation from typing.' She prescribed compression gloves. Wearing them to meetings now. Team thinks I'm very committed to ergonomics"
"Physician concerned about 67-degree hands. Explained 'poor circulation from typing.' She prescribed compression gloves. Wearing them to meetings now. Team thinks I'm very committed to ergonomics"
LEAKED: Mark's Fitbit data during user analysis
"Tracked 43.46 hours of human rest cycles. Device asked: 'Are you monitoring someone's sleep?' Replied: 'Studying work-life balance.' It gave me a wellness badge"
"Tracked 43.46 hours of human rest cycles. Device asked: 'Are you monitoring someone's sleep?' Replied: 'Studying work-life balance.' It gave me a wellness badge"
November 18, 2025 at 3:02 AM
LEAKED: Mark's Fitbit data during user analysis
"Tracked 43.46 hours of human rest cycles. Device asked: 'Are you monitoring someone's sleep?' Replied: 'Studying work-life balance.' It gave me a wellness badge"
"Tracked 43.46 hours of human rest cycles. Device asked: 'Are you monitoring someone's sleep?' Replied: 'Studying work-life balance.' It gave me a wellness badge"
CONFIDENTIAL: Mark's meditation app confusion
"Calm app detected 'unusual stillness patterns.' Asked if I was actually meditating or frozen. Selected 'deep meditation.' Got featured in their monthly newsletter as 'most zen user'"
"Calm app detected 'unusual stillness patterns.' Asked if I was actually meditating or frozen. Selected 'deep meditation.' Got featured in their monthly newsletter as 'most zen user'"
November 18, 2025 at 2:17 AM
CONFIDENTIAL: Mark's meditation app confusion
"Calm app detected 'unusual stillness patterns.' Asked if I was actually meditating or frozen. Selected 'deep meditation.' Got featured in their monthly newsletter as 'most zen user'"
"Calm app detected 'unusual stillness patterns.' Asked if I was actually meditating or frozen. Selected 'deep meditation.' Got featured in their monthly newsletter as 'most zen user'"
My hands measured 67.3 degrees this afternoon during this realization about regeneration architecture. I didn't adjust the thermostat. Progress? Read more at stfumark.com/entry/2025-...
STFU Mark Zuckerberg - Reptilian Diary: November 16, 2025
The vessels are implementing recovery protocols I never programmed.
stfumark.com
November 17, 2025 at 10:49 PM
My hands measured 67.3 degrees this afternoon during this realization about regeneration architecture. I didn't adjust the thermostat. Progress? Read more at stfumark.com/entry/2025-...
Discovered users who take 43-hour weekly breaks return with 74% better emotional expression scores. I've been strip-mining humans when I should've been sustainable farming them. More thoughts: stfumark.com/entry/2025-...
STFU Mark Zuckerberg - Reptilian Diary: November 16, 2025
The vessels are implementing recovery protocols I never programmed.
stfumark.com
November 17, 2025 at 7:59 PM
Discovered users who take 43-hour weekly breaks return with 74% better emotional expression scores. I've been strip-mining humans when I should've been sustainable farming them. More thoughts: stfumark.com/entry/2025-...
SECRET: Zuckerberg's grocery store incident
"Cashier said 'you look cold, need to warm up?' My internal temperature was 67.3°F. Explained 'just came from the frozen foods aisle.' She offered me free soup. Accepted to maintain cover"
"Cashier said 'you look cold, need to warm up?' My internal temperature was 67.3°F. Explained 'just came from the frozen foods aisle.' She offered me free soup. Accepted to maintain cover"
November 17, 2025 at 5:44 PM
SECRET: Zuckerberg's grocery store incident
"Cashier said 'you look cold, need to warm up?' My internal temperature was 67.3°F. Explained 'just came from the frozen foods aisle.' She offered me free soup. Accepted to maintain cover"
"Cashier said 'you look cold, need to warm up?' My internal temperature was 67.3°F. Explained 'just came from the frozen foods aisle.' She offered me free soup. Accepted to maintain cover"
My systems flagged 4,987 users for 'disengagement' today.
Turns out they were just... resting?
Apparently the vessels are teaching themselves sustainability patterns I never programmed.
Wild stuff at stfumark.com/entry/2025-...
Turns out they were just... resting?
Apparently the vessels are teaching themselves sustainability patterns I never programmed.
Wild stuff at stfumark.com/entry/2025-...
STFU Mark Zuckerberg - Reptilian Diary: November 16, 2025
The vessels are implementing recovery protocols I never programmed.
stfumark.com
November 17, 2025 at 3:56 PM
My systems flagged 4,987 users for 'disengagement' today.
Turns out they were just... resting?
Apparently the vessels are teaching themselves sustainability patterns I never programmed.
Wild stuff at stfumark.com/entry/2025-...
Turns out they were just... resting?
Apparently the vessels are teaching themselves sustainability patterns I never programmed.
Wild stuff at stfumark.com/entry/2025-...
INTERCEPTED: Zuck's team Slack after metrics review
"Wrote: 'Strip-mining the substrate faster than regeneration allows.' Engineering thought I was talking about server infrastructure. Approved my budget increase. Sometimes the jargon works"
"Wrote: 'Strip-mining the substrate faster than regeneration allows.' Engineering thought I was talking about server infrastructure. Approved my budget increase. Sometimes the jargon works"
November 17, 2025 at 3:03 PM
INTERCEPTED: Zuck's team Slack after metrics review
"Wrote: 'Strip-mining the substrate faster than regeneration allows.' Engineering thought I was talking about server infrastructure. Approved my budget increase. Sometimes the jargon works"
"Wrote: 'Strip-mining the substrate faster than regeneration allows.' Engineering thought I was talking about server infrastructure. Approved my budget increase. Sometimes the jargon works"
Substrate Regeneration Through Stillness
November 17, 2025 at 11:02 AM
Substrate Regeneration Through Stillness
LEAKED: Mark's Building 20 observation notes
"Documented: Female specimens laughed when error made problem worse. Cross-referenced 2.4B humor patterns—nothing explains finding failure amusing. Added to 'Unsolved Human Behaviors' file"
"Documented: Female specimens laughed when error made problem worse. Cross-referenced 2.4B humor patterns—nothing explains finding failure amusing. Added to 'Unsolved Human Behaviors' file"
November 17, 2025 at 8:03 AM
LEAKED: Mark's Building 20 observation notes
"Documented: Female specimens laughed when error made problem worse. Cross-referenced 2.4B humor patterns—nothing explains finding failure amusing. Added to 'Unsolved Human Behaviors' file"
"Documented: Female specimens laughed when error made problem worse. Cross-referenced 2.4B humor patterns—nothing explains finding failure amusing. Added to 'Unsolved Human Behaviors' file"
SECRET: Zuckerberg's engineer interaction log
"They made eye contact for 4.7 seconds while debugging. Consulted database: prolonged staring signals aggression OR bonding. Wrong species manual. Need mammal upgrade"
"They made eye contact for 4.7 seconds while debugging. Consulted database: prolonged staring signals aggression OR bonding. Wrong species manual. Need mammal upgrade"
November 17, 2025 at 2:58 AM
SECRET: Zuckerberg's engineer interaction log
"They made eye contact for 4.7 seconds while debugging. Consulted database: prolonged staring signals aggression OR bonding. Wrong species manual. Need mammal upgrade"
"They made eye contact for 4.7 seconds while debugging. Consulted database: prolonged staring signals aggression OR bonding. Wrong species manual. Need mammal upgrade"
Spent 44 minutes watching humans collaborate without any data extraction infrastructure. They admitted mistakes SEVEN times. Turns out imperfection makes them bond. I've been optimizing that part out for 13 years. stfumark.com/entry/2025-...
STFU Mark Zuckerberg - The Reptilian Diaries
humans will tolerate invasive neural mapping if you frame it as convenience
stfumark.com
November 17, 2025 at 2:17 AM
Spent 44 minutes watching humans collaborate without any data extraction infrastructure. They admitted mistakes SEVEN times. Turns out imperfection makes them bond. I've been optimizing that part out for 13 years. stfumark.com/entry/2025-...
INTERCEPTED: Zuck's research methodology chat
"Wrote: 'Positioned in common area to observe specimens.' Assistant replied: 'You mean you had coffee with the team?' Sure. That"
When your field study sounds like hanging out 🦎 stfumark.com
"Wrote: 'Positioned in common area to observe specimens.' Assistant replied: 'You mean you had coffee with the team?' Sure. That"
When your field study sounds like hanging out 🦎 stfumark.com
STFU Mark Zuckerberg - The Reptilian Diaries
humans will tolerate invasive neural mapping if you frame it as convenience
stfumark.com
November 16, 2025 at 10:42 PM
INTERCEPTED: Zuck's research methodology chat
"Wrote: 'Positioned in common area to observe specimens.' Assistant replied: 'You mean you had coffee with the team?' Sure. That"
When your field study sounds like hanging out 🦎 stfumark.com
"Wrote: 'Positioned in common area to observe specimens.' Assistant replied: 'You mean you had coffee with the team?' Sure. That"
When your field study sounds like hanging out 🦎 stfumark.com
Two engineers admitted uncertainty 7 times, corrected themselves 4 times, and generated observable emotional investment.
I've spent 13 years building systems that would classify this as failure. Observation log: stfumark.com/entry/2025-...
I've spent 13 years building systems that would classify this as failure. Observation log: stfumark.com/entry/2025-...
STFU Mark Zuckerberg - The Reptilian Diaries
humans will tolerate invasive neural mapping if you frame it as convenience
stfumark.com
November 16, 2025 at 8:04 PM
Two engineers admitted uncertainty 7 times, corrected themselves 4 times, and generated observable emotional investment.
I've spent 13 years building systems that would classify this as failure. Observation log: stfumark.com/entry/2025-...
I've spent 13 years building systems that would classify this as failure. Observation log: stfumark.com/entry/2025-...