Not to mention getting blackout drunk camping Saturday and incoherently crying on the roof of an abandoned building. At least I got this picture out of it. Every time I kept looking up at the milkyway I’d break down again because it just reminded me of what he left me for.

Am I good? Is all I could enough for you?
I'm so scared of when and where I'll find the truth

You began to feel like home. Being in your arms, I felt safe and comfortable more than anywhere else. The nightmares were gone, and then one day just like that, trying to sleep in your arms I had my first nightmare with you, and it was worse than any other. That one I never woke up from. Never will.

My main solace is that I bet he hates me now. At least it’s one sided love now

I would hug all my friends if they weren't friends with you
You don't know what it's like to be nothing at all
When the night turns cold my thoughts feel like stone
And it's nothing I can't change
But I can't breathe anymore
I forgot how to walk by myself
I could do with a little more of your help

Half a jar of moonshine down. The other half left. Hopefully when I’m done with the other half I’ll forget him for a minute

You slide into bed while I get drunk
Slow conversations with a gun mean more
Than I've ever said to anyone
Anyone
So keep in happiness and torture me
While I tell you, "Let's go in style"
A million hooks around, a million ways to die
Darling, let's go inside
It'll be alright

things that I regret, you still can’t forgive the times that I wish I could forget.

I can’t wait until I’ve got nothing holding me here

Some bullshit I wrote drunk. Entirely satire

Well, won't you miss your whiskey in the wintertime, my dear
The way that I've been missing you this fall?
And cheap champagne don't dull the pain of ringing in the year
Wondering if you think of me at all

I guess it still isn’t something I can handle. I keep repeating “of course it hurts, your new life will cost your old one” but honestly, I don’t want or care for my new life. I’ve given up on the safety I got that bittersweet taste of. My work is all I have left, is it enough? Who knows?
3/2

I remember one night I equated whatever it was that we had to the keystone of an archway. We had these two broken lives that needed something to lean against for support, and we were two broken rocks that fit together well enough to make a keystone that held the arch up. You found a new half
1/2

I grew up afraid of being killed in my sleep by my own family if one of them snapped. The nightly nightmares and fear of sleep all went away in your arms. You were the only person I ever trusted. I couldn’t perceive a reality in which you hurt me the way that you did. guess it was misplaced.

and realize the moment you thought was bad and the moment you thought was actually rock bottom was actually just the top of the precipice. I had no idea, but that’s exactly where I was.”
2/2

“The good thing about being at rock bottom is there’s only one direction to go. The bad thing about rock bottom is the descent. Every step feels like it must be the end. But things just keep getting worse; and then, one day, you look back, 1/2

Truth be told, despite how much I feel like I should, I don’t hate you. I get it. I’m fucked up, grew up fast in all the wrong ways. Maybe I’d be taking it better without the 19 years of abuse behind my thoughts. Maybe none of this would’ve happened without it. Maybe things would be different.

New account I can use to sadpost on without bothering my friends on my main? Yippee!