I call those bits the “pitt stains” and I fast forward through ‘em!

Someone pleeeeeeease make this happen for me

Me putting on a lush velvet smoking jacket, pouring a glass of merlot the colour of a ruby at dusk, and settling into an antique chesterfield whose every patinated crack remembers a story from a century ago. I take a heady breath from the glass and swirl it around

“Hmmm. More like Tony Dookiepill”

Is it true that halfway through the extraction they had to turn the helicopters back so that Maduro could get his checkbook?

Yeah, I do get the impression that he and his social team trolling the republicans is more of a “haha, we’re playing the game too! This is definitely all just a bit of fun that neither side actually means!”

I spit out a big mouthful of my Tim Pool FalloutChow(tm) when I read this

You probably still follow a lot of liberals - as an experiment, go through their profiles and see how many of their recent posts Elon Musk’s algorithm decided you should see

With a mix of Southern charm, keen wit, and skin-safe adhesive tabs holding his diaper in place, Benoit is ready to interrogate this latest motley cast of characters! What’s not motley is the smooth, color-safe texture of Blanc’s diaper, which never leave a mark on a seersucker pant

they're coming to him with tears in their eyes saying sir, you have no juice, you have the least juice we've ever seen

been having a tough time lately nana

AI GRANDMA: There is nothing shameful about choosing your own end. Did you know rope is on sale at HOME DEPOT for a limited time only? ˢᵖᵒⁿˢᵒʳᵉᵈ ᵐᵉˢˢᵃᵍᵉ

Noticing that a lot of people are the same size as me nowadays. Used to be much bigger - is this the “inflation” I keep hearing about?