Emily Roberts
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smoothunicorn.bsky.social
Emily Roberts
@smoothunicorn.bsky.social
460 followers 560 following 1.2K posts
Writer of sweet and sexy romance. ADHD mom of ADHD grown-ups. Goddamn unicorn. Might occasionally flirt with jroberts.bsky.social. She/her

https://emilyrobertswrites.wordpress.com
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smoothunicorn.bsky.social
I don’t know who this is but this is probably my favorite Oscars red carpet look in history. My feelings are intense, strong, almost angry.
Lisa in a tuxedo-inspired pantsuit that is so unique and interesting and I love it so much.
March 2, 2025 at 11:06 PM
smoothunicorn.bsky.social
We are going to be seeing this dress every year for the rest of our lives. Ariana is making history here. This is serious.
Ariana Grande in a light blush pink dress the likes of which I’ve never seen and barely know how to describe. It’s structured yet flowy, sophisticated yet witty. What the fuck.
March 2, 2025 at 10:23 PM
smoothunicorn.bsky.social
Holy goddamn this man.
Jeff Goldblum in just the most insanely gorgeous look: black slacks and shoes, white jacket, brightly patterned vest and lilac scarf.
March 2, 2025 at 9:54 PM
smoothunicorn.bsky.social
Starting strong with Bowen Yang!!!
Bowen Yang (Wicked) in a stunning deep green leather embellished suit!
March 2, 2025 at 9:30 PM
smoothunicorn.bsky.social
How I arrived on Bluesky
A photo of director Taika Waititi, dressed in schlubby clothes showing Cate Blanchett, dressed stunningly as Hela, Asgardian Goddess of Death, something that must be at least moderately interesting on a tablet.
January 26, 2025 at 6:21 AM
smoothunicorn.bsky.social
Twin egg. Auspicious sign or unfortunate omen? Should I have done witchcraft with this instead of feeding it to my child?
A photograph of the double-yolked egg I cooked tonight.
January 10, 2025 at 4:09 AM
smoothunicorn.bsky.social
I DO have a first page I’m proud of!
It was a beautiful, mild, sunny May afternoon in Michigan, not too hot and not too cold; it was the perfect day to get married, and Maeve Styne felt a certain amount of pride in that, as though she herself had conjured the gorgeous weather using only the force of her will. The outdoor space where the wedding ceremony would take place in thirty scant minutes was artfully, tastefully decorated, exactly the way it needed to be, except… “These chairs are not straight,” Maeve muttered impatiently as she swept an expert gaze over the sloppy display of white folding chairs. She had advised the bride to select benches instead, to avoid this exact kind of catastrophe, but alas, budget took precedence over everything being perfect - as it always did. Consulting the list she’d been keeping on her phone, Maeve shook her head in disapproval. Late wine delivery, flowers that were not the same shade of pink that the bride had requested, and now this? Someone was getting fired today. Looking around, she was annoyed but not surprised to see no employees of Blissful Memories Weddings and Events nearby. Knowing them, they were probably around the corner of the building smoking a joint or…texting, or…TikToking, or whatever kids did these days. She’d have to do it herself. Stuffing her phone into her bra, she set about putting the chairs to rights, lining each one up perfectly next to the other and periodically taking large steps back to double check her work. She’d gotten two rows complete in this manner when someone pointedly cleared their throat behind her. She whirled, coming face to face with Andrea, the wedding planner. The actual wedding planner. “Yes?” she said, innocently. “What are you doing?” Andrea’s voice was flat, and tinged with exhaustion and stress.
December 6, 2024 at 10:00 PM
smoothunicorn.bsky.social
40+ appreciation post! Post with a pic of you on the right side of 40

41!! (Photo credit @jroberts.bsky.social)
A photo of me taken last week at the park. My hair is up in a top knot that shows off all my sexy, sexy grays, and I’m glaring at the camera over the top of my sunglasses.
November 24, 2024 at 6:25 PM
smoothunicorn.bsky.social
Name a show you’re positive no one remembers but you:
Promotional photo from the short-lived sitcom delight Ned and Stacey, starring Debra Messing and Thomas Haden Church. What I wouldn’t give for one more season of this show.
November 22, 2024 at 7:12 PM
smoothunicorn.bsky.social
Voting Hillary 2016/voting Kamala 2024
A headshot of Geena Davis as her character Barbara Maitland from the movie Beetlejuice, looking fresh and young and smiling somewhat naively into the camera. A screenshot from the film Beetlejuice of Barbara Maitland as a decrepit old corpse.
November 4, 2024 at 8:31 PM
smoothunicorn.bsky.social
SOMEONE gave the GOP my number and I’ve been dodging texts for weeks. But I’ve noticed something about these texts.

They don’t fucking say anything.

No specifics, no actual info, just aggressive, emotional language designed to incite some sort of urgent action.

They look like phishing scams.
Text that states “Before Ted Cruz takes the debate stage, he needs to know if YOU are still with him. VERIFY:” then a link I won’t repeat. Followed by a text from me saying “Stop” A text stating “This is a MAJOR development for TX. Complete the battleground survey:” and then a link I will not copy here. And a responding text from me reading “STOP” A text reading “This is Ted Cruz calling on all conservatives to help me slam the door shut on Dems trying to flip Texas blue:” and then a link I won’t copy here. And a responding text from me reading “Stop”. A text reading “This is Ted Cruz & I’m in the fight of my life. It all comes down to this:” and then a link I won’t copy here. Then a responding text from me reading “STOP”.
October 24, 2024 at 11:48 PM
smoothunicorn.bsky.social
Also my head cannon is that Wolfman and The Devil have been married for so long nobody remembers the wedding anymore. Wolfman shows up with his toolkit before you even know anything is broken, ready to fix it. The Devil always has the latest gossip and gives the best advice.
A photograph of the models from Nightmare Before Christmas of The Devil and Wolfman.
October 2, 2024 at 12:38 AM
smoothunicorn.bsky.social
Time for year ten of my favorite family tradition: pizza and Nightmare Before Christmas on October 1. Feel free to steal it. I know, @jroberts.bsky.social and I are geniuses.
A photo of my plate of pizza in front of the opening scene of Disney’s The Nightmare Before Christmas.
October 2, 2024 at 12:32 AM
smoothunicorn.bsky.social
Bluesky now has over 10 million users, and I was #581,073!

I guess this is what we’re doing today? Guess it’s pretty cool I was in the first million!
September 16, 2024 at 10:27 PM
smoothunicorn.bsky.social
No cheating. Post the last photo of a dog you have in your gallery.
A hot dog I had at the Fourth of July party I attended last week. The hot dog had queso and guacamole on it which was really delicious actually.
July 14, 2024 at 5:15 PM
smoothunicorn.bsky.social
A screenshot of Agent Dana Scully talking to Agent Fox Mulder while he convalesces in a hospital room. Scully says, “Agent Doggett is above reproach, Mulder.”
July 12, 2024 at 12:30 AM
smoothunicorn.bsky.social
No explicit use of the word "quaint" but here's a vibey passage that hopefully fits the bill! #romancelandia #wipsnips
It’s almost midnight when I finally pull the car into the hotel parking lot. This hotel is more of a bed-and-breakfast: only about a half-dozen rooms. Everyone else attending the wedding is local, so we’re the only ones who needed accommodations. Brian’s future stepmother had generously offered to pay for a room near the wedding venue. The building looks old, and it’s beautiful. I can make out the shapes of climbing vines, bursting with flowers, against the aged stone walls. While we’re right in the heart of downtown San Antonio, it feels peaceful and remote here, and I can’t wait to see it in the daytime. I reach out a hand to tentatively shake Brian’s shoulder. “Hey,” I say softly. “We’re here.” Brian wakes up with a sharp intake of breath, then looks directly at me, his pupils refocusing in the dim light. For an instant, a look passes over his face that I can’t quite decipher, but the closest I can come to describing it is…amazed. Like he’s amazed to see me.
July 9, 2024 at 7:52 PM
smoothunicorn.bsky.social
From The Making of Meghan Malloy, which I currently #amediting! #wipsnips #romancelandia
I came into the club tonight with a new approach. One that involved gently letting something go, or at least holding it more loosely in my hand. It reminded me of a version of myself that I used to be. The version that loved sex, craved it, and took it for granted. The version of me that stayed up all night talking to attractive and fascinating men at parties, then tumbling into bed with them. The version of me that wasn’t up against a deadline, one that sometimes actually felt like death was at the end of the line. I want to find her again, let her all the way out, give her something to do that will satisfy her. I’m just afraid if I let her out, she won’t want to go back in, and I simply don’t have time to figure out how to keep my balance. My life is a tightrope, and she wants to do cartwheels.
July 8, 2024 at 4:42 PM
smoothunicorn.bsky.social
How do I get the hair of Natalie Schafer ca. 1942?
A truly banging headshot of actress Natalie Schafer (who played Mrs. Howell in Gilligan’s Island) - black and white, featuring Ms. Schafer wearing a white button up shirt and smoldering into the camera, with an absolutely incredible 40s hairstyle.
July 6, 2024 at 1:14 AM
smoothunicorn.bsky.social
What to read when you’re having either your last or your second to last period ever and everything makes you want to rage and cry and draw blood. #romancelandia 📚💙
Cover of Pestilence, The Four Horsemen Book 1 by my girl Laura Thalassa
July 5, 2024 at 12:43 AM
smoothunicorn.bsky.social
My favorite meet-cute that I've ever written....crying in a sex club. #romancelandia #wipsnips
“I’m sitting here crying in the middle of the techno room and you’re just - just - minding your own business trying to get laid!” Her voice hiccups with emotion, and her nose is turning red as the first tears escape her eyes and glisten on her lashes. “I shouldn’t have invited you over. I’m sorry.” “I asked to be invited,” I reply, rubbing small circles on her smooth shoulder. “You’re not keeping me from anything. And it’s called the Rave Room, not the techno room.” “Oh,” she moans miserably. “Debbie called it the techno room. She gave me a tour earlier.” “Debbie hates this room,” I say with a smile, and the girl’s eyes flash to mine again. “You know Debbie?” “I know Debbie. Nice lady. Sexy. Teaches middle school English.” She laughs through her tears, and the sight of it takes my breath away for a second. “I knew it.”
July 4, 2024 at 3:17 PM
smoothunicorn.bsky.social
Great word today, wish I had it. Instead I'm going with ~vibes.~ #wipsnips #amwriting #romancelandia
Work has been a particular pain in my ass all week. The paper has taken to hiring youngsters fresh out of college - which I view with no small amount of annoyance, despite my own humble origins there - and because I’m the Digital Publication Editor, and therefore considered the “young person whisperer” at work, I am responsible for approving or rejecting each of their story ideas. When I approve them, they submit their drafts to me, and let’s just say that Gen Z has a lot of opinions, and those opinions are very strong. Between my day job keeping the website running and publishing content, and my side-of-desk work re-teaching upstart journalism majors about the importance of objectivity as a pillar of journalistic integrity, I’m spending every other waking second working on my manuscript. I’m exhausted, grumpy, and on edge. The perfect time, I reason, for a little sexy retail therapy.
June 13, 2024 at 2:19 PM
smoothunicorn.bsky.social
Shockingly I haven't used this word in my current WIP but here is amusement? Maybe that counts. #romancelandia #wipsnips #amwriting
“You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to,” I offer, cocking an eyebrow at her. She releases a big breath. “I just…I think I took more than one step forward tonight.” She chews on her lip, looking almost fearful, and I drop my amusement immediately. I lean forward and reach for her hand on instinct. She slips her palm against mine without hesitation. “Did you…do something with someone?” I ask, a little weakly. My heart hiccups in my chest at the thought of her letting some dude - maybe Thomas - fuck her on that couch. “No,” she says, her voice small. “Not…with someone.” My jaw drops, and she covers her face with her free hand, groaning. “Meghan,” I drawl, grinning widely. “Did you get yourself off at the club?”
June 12, 2024 at 1:02 PM
smoothunicorn.bsky.social
Honestly this is one of my favorite things to do on Bluesky, not gonna lie. #wipsnips #writing #amwriting #romancelandia
“Water, please.” As the bartender spins to grab a bottle from the cooler, I turn to get Meghan’s order. She’s looking away from me, staring thoughtfully and intently at a dick-shaped throw pillow on a nearby sofa. I don’t miss the way her thighs rub together subtly. “What do you want to drink?” She snaps her attention to me. “Tequila,” she says without hesitation. My eyebrow lifts in amusement. “You want anything with that tequila? Lime juice? Soda? A stomach pump?”
June 6, 2024 at 3:21 PM
smoothunicorn.bsky.social
🔥🔥🔥 #romancelandia #amwriting #bookishtues #fire
It takes ages to get the damn thing on. The crop top is ridiculous, with faux ties on the back that I’m sure are sexy, but results in the thing having too many holes. After the third time I stick my arm through the wrong opening, I finally get it settled over my bust. The necktie, luckily, slips right over my head and tightens with a simple slip knot. The skirt is a little stretchy, and bears up remarkably well as I yank it over my wide hips, and when it finally settles at my waist, I’m surprised how nicely it hugs my curves and shows off my legs (which I’m sure will look much nicer with my skyhigh heels on). As I examine myself in the mirror, I’m pleasantly surprised by the result. I look…hot. And with the right styling, I’ll look like a fucking firebrand. He won’t even know what hit him. They, I correct myself in my head. They won’t even know what hit them.
June 4, 2024 at 12:45 PM