Jim Royle
@sirjimroyle.bsky.social
House-husband and local legend, Jim Royle. Find me in front of the TV or down the Feathers. Bluesky my arse.
I mean, what’s going on in the world? Can’t even knock your Mrs to the ground and kick her head in. Yet more woke nonsense.
January 25, 2025 at 4:44 PM
I mean, what’s going on in the world? Can’t even knock your Mrs to the ground and kick her head in. Yet more woke nonsense.
Needless to say, Barb was fuming when I finally got home at 2pm this afternoon. She thinks I’ve been on a bender, couldn’t bring myself to tell her the truth.
Best 35 seconds of my life.
Best 35 seconds of my life.
January 18, 2025 at 4:35 PM
Needless to say, Barb was fuming when I finally got home at 2pm this afternoon. She thinks I’ve been on a bender, couldn’t bring myself to tell her the truth.
Best 35 seconds of my life.
Best 35 seconds of my life.
“You’re number 853”
I look up, young bird on the bed, spreadeagle, fanny like the bloody Tyne Tunnel.
“The last bloke said you’d need a bit of warming up”
I look around. Two more cameramen. “Come on pal, get cracking”.
I look up, young bird on the bed, spreadeagle, fanny like the bloody Tyne Tunnel.
“The last bloke said you’d need a bit of warming up”
I look around. Two more cameramen. “Come on pal, get cracking”.
January 18, 2025 at 4:32 PM
“You’re number 853”
I look up, young bird on the bed, spreadeagle, fanny like the bloody Tyne Tunnel.
“The last bloke said you’d need a bit of warming up”
I look around. Two more cameramen. “Come on pal, get cracking”.
I look up, young bird on the bed, spreadeagle, fanny like the bloody Tyne Tunnel.
“The last bloke said you’d need a bit of warming up”
I look around. Two more cameramen. “Come on pal, get cracking”.
“Quick as you can mate, we’re running behind”
“Aye, no shit, it was light when I joined this queue. Now where the fuck’s the bus?”
“Haha do you mean the bike? She’s in there mate”
He opens a door and shoves me inside, closing it behind me.
“Aye, no shit, it was light when I joined this queue. Now where the fuck’s the bus?”
“Haha do you mean the bike? She’s in there mate”
He opens a door and shoves me inside, closing it behind me.
January 18, 2025 at 4:20 PM
“Quick as you can mate, we’re running behind”
“Aye, no shit, it was light when I joined this queue. Now where the fuck’s the bus?”
“Haha do you mean the bike? She’s in there mate”
He opens a door and shoves me inside, closing it behind me.
“Aye, no shit, it was light when I joined this queue. Now where the fuck’s the bus?”
“Haha do you mean the bike? She’s in there mate”
He opens a door and shoves me inside, closing it behind me.
“Right, on you go”.
I don’t need telling twice, straight round the corner. Young fella with the camera greets me again. Puts his arm round my shoulder and before I can say anything he’s walked me into a town house.
I don’t need telling twice, straight round the corner. Young fella with the camera greets me again. Puts his arm round my shoulder and before I can say anything he’s walked me into a town house.
January 18, 2025 at 4:18 PM
“Right, on you go”.
I don’t need telling twice, straight round the corner. Young fella with the camera greets me again. Puts his arm round my shoulder and before I can say anything he’s walked me into a town house.
I don’t need telling twice, straight round the corner. Young fella with the camera greets me again. Puts his arm round my shoulder and before I can say anything he’s walked me into a town house.
I stand for about another few minutes and Big Lad reappears, coming back towards me.
“What’s the score?” I ask, puzzled.
“Wasn’t what I was expecting” he says.
Bloody hell, imagine waiting this long for a bus and it turns out to be the wrong one. Not laughing now, pal.
“What’s the score?” I ask, puzzled.
“Wasn’t what I was expecting” he says.
Bloody hell, imagine waiting this long for a bus and it turns out to be the wrong one. Not laughing now, pal.
January 18, 2025 at 4:14 PM
I stand for about another few minutes and Big Lad reappears, coming back towards me.
“What’s the score?” I ask, puzzled.
“Wasn’t what I was expecting” he says.
Bloody hell, imagine waiting this long for a bus and it turns out to be the wrong one. Not laughing now, pal.
“What’s the score?” I ask, puzzled.
“Wasn’t what I was expecting” he says.
Bloody hell, imagine waiting this long for a bus and it turns out to be the wrong one. Not laughing now, pal.
Bouncers usher Big Lad through and he’s off like a bloody greyhound. Fair play, he’s got a good turn of pace on him.
January 18, 2025 at 4:12 PM
Bouncers usher Big Lad through and he’s off like a bloody greyhound. Fair play, he’s got a good turn of pace on him.
Big lad whips one of them tiny bottles of JD out of his inside pocket and throws it down his neck.
“Bit of Dutch courage!” again, laughing his considerable tits off.
How bad can this bloody bus be?
“Bit of Dutch courage!” again, laughing his considerable tits off.
How bad can this bloody bus be?
January 18, 2025 at 4:11 PM
Big lad whips one of them tiny bottles of JD out of his inside pocket and throws it down his neck.
“Bit of Dutch courage!” again, laughing his considerable tits off.
How bad can this bloody bus be?
“Bit of Dutch courage!” again, laughing his considerable tits off.
How bad can this bloody bus be?
Couple of bouncers standing on the corner. Must get a bit lairy on the old night bus.
They’re only letting one through at a time. Carnage this. Only big lad left in front of me now.
They’re only letting one through at a time. Carnage this. Only big lad left in front of me now.
January 18, 2025 at 4:09 PM
Couple of bouncers standing on the corner. Must get a bit lairy on the old night bus.
They’re only letting one through at a time. Carnage this. Only big lad left in front of me now.
They’re only letting one through at a time. Carnage this. Only big lad left in front of me now.
Lad with the camera muttered something about “B-roll”, filmed a few seconds of our feet on the pavement and pissed off round the corner.
That’s the Tik-Tok generation for you. He’ll probably put some 90’s dance music behind that when he gets home.
That’s the Tik-Tok generation for you. He’ll probably put some 90’s dance music behind that when he gets home.
January 18, 2025 at 4:06 PM
Lad with the camera muttered something about “B-roll”, filmed a few seconds of our feet on the pavement and pissed off round the corner.
That’s the Tik-Tok generation for you. He’ll probably put some 90’s dance music behind that when he gets home.
That’s the Tik-Tok generation for you. He’ll probably put some 90’s dance music behind that when he gets home.
We come to a stop along a fairly posh street.
Out of nowhere a young lad appears and shoves a camera in our faces.
“Nearly there guys, big cheer for the camera!”
Most of the lads are giving it massive, like a big away day. I can barely muster a smile at this point.
Out of nowhere a young lad appears and shoves a camera in our faces.
“Nearly there guys, big cheer for the camera!”
Most of the lads are giving it massive, like a big away day. I can barely muster a smile at this point.
January 18, 2025 at 3:59 PM
We come to a stop along a fairly posh street.
Out of nowhere a young lad appears and shoves a camera in our faces.
“Nearly there guys, big cheer for the camera!”
Most of the lads are giving it massive, like a big away day. I can barely muster a smile at this point.
Out of nowhere a young lad appears and shoves a camera in our faces.
“Nearly there guys, big cheer for the camera!”
Most of the lads are giving it massive, like a big away day. I can barely muster a smile at this point.
More hours went by, feet were killing.
“Getting giddy now, old boy” big lad pipes up.
Must know something I don’t, bet the bus is due.
“Getting giddy now, old boy” big lad pipes up.
Must know something I don’t, bet the bus is due.
January 18, 2025 at 3:54 PM
More hours went by, feet were killing.
“Getting giddy now, old boy” big lad pipes up.
Must know something I don’t, bet the bus is due.
“Getting giddy now, old boy” big lad pipes up.
Must know something I don’t, bet the bus is due.
“YOU SHOULD BE FUCKING ASHAMED OF YOURSELVES, WHAT ABOUT YOUR WIVES?!!” she continued.
Fair play, there’ll be a few of us with tea on the table, stone cold.
“LOOK AT THE STATE OF YOU!” she shouted directly at me.
“Go home love, you’re pissed”, I’d lost my temper by this stage.
Fair play, there’ll be a few of us with tea on the table, stone cold.
“LOOK AT THE STATE OF YOU!” she shouted directly at me.
“Go home love, you’re pissed”, I’d lost my temper by this stage.
January 18, 2025 at 3:50 PM
“YOU SHOULD BE FUCKING ASHAMED OF YOURSELVES, WHAT ABOUT YOUR WIVES?!!” she continued.
Fair play, there’ll be a few of us with tea on the table, stone cold.
“LOOK AT THE STATE OF YOU!” she shouted directly at me.
“Go home love, you’re pissed”, I’d lost my temper by this stage.
Fair play, there’ll be a few of us with tea on the table, stone cold.
“LOOK AT THE STATE OF YOU!” she shouted directly at me.
“Go home love, you’re pissed”, I’d lost my temper by this stage.
Older woman walks past.
“YOU ABSOLUTE SET OF DIRTY FUCKING BASTARDS” she screams at us.
Pubs have started kicking out, she’s clearly been on the piss.
“YOU ABSOLUTE SET OF DIRTY FUCKING BASTARDS” she screams at us.
Pubs have started kicking out, she’s clearly been on the piss.
January 18, 2025 at 3:44 PM
Older woman walks past.
“YOU ABSOLUTE SET OF DIRTY FUCKING BASTARDS” she screams at us.
Pubs have started kicking out, she’s clearly been on the piss.
“YOU ABSOLUTE SET OF DIRTY FUCKING BASTARDS” she screams at us.
Pubs have started kicking out, she’s clearly been on the piss.
Another couple of hours go by. Still moving forward, don’t even recognise what bit of town I’m in at this stage.
“Absolute piss take, this” I muttered.
“Oh don’t worry it’ll be well worth it!” big lad chuckled.
Typical that I get stuck behind the nutcase.
“Absolute piss take, this” I muttered.
“Oh don’t worry it’ll be well worth it!” big lad chuckled.
Typical that I get stuck behind the nutcase.
January 18, 2025 at 3:43 PM
Another couple of hours go by. Still moving forward, don’t even recognise what bit of town I’m in at this stage.
“Absolute piss take, this” I muttered.
“Oh don’t worry it’ll be well worth it!” big lad chuckled.
Typical that I get stuck behind the nutcase.
“Absolute piss take, this” I muttered.
“Oh don’t worry it’ll be well worth it!” big lad chuckled.
Typical that I get stuck behind the nutcase.
“Here, get this down your neck” the big lad in front handed me half a sarnie.
“Yeah nice one pal, wasting away here” I quipped, patting the old stomach.
“Aye, need to keep our energy up, we’ll need it” he laughed.
Why’s he laughing again? Nothing funny about this, transport system is a joke.
“Yeah nice one pal, wasting away here” I quipped, patting the old stomach.
“Aye, need to keep our energy up, we’ll need it” he laughed.
Why’s he laughing again? Nothing funny about this, transport system is a joke.
January 18, 2025 at 3:40 PM
“Here, get this down your neck” the big lad in front handed me half a sarnie.
“Yeah nice one pal, wasting away here” I quipped, patting the old stomach.
“Aye, need to keep our energy up, we’ll need it” he laughed.
Why’s he laughing again? Nothing funny about this, transport system is a joke.
“Yeah nice one pal, wasting away here” I quipped, patting the old stomach.
“Aye, need to keep our energy up, we’ll need it” he laughed.
Why’s he laughing again? Nothing funny about this, transport system is a joke.
Every now and then a car would speed past, windows down, lads inside shouting “Oi Oiiiiiiii” at us.
Assumed it must be like that “bus wankers” thing from years ago, you know what the kids are like these days.
Assumed it must be like that “bus wankers” thing from years ago, you know what the kids are like these days.
January 18, 2025 at 3:37 PM
Every now and then a car would speed past, windows down, lads inside shouting “Oi Oiiiiiiii” at us.
Assumed it must be like that “bus wankers” thing from years ago, you know what the kids are like these days.
Assumed it must be like that “bus wankers” thing from years ago, you know what the kids are like these days.
Couple of hours went by, felt like we’d moved miles but still no sign of a bus. Not going to be home in time for tea, Barb will be getting worried.
January 18, 2025 at 3:32 PM
Couple of hours went by, felt like we’d moved miles but still no sign of a bus. Not going to be home in time for tea, Barb will be getting worried.
“You’re brave, nowt over your face” a big lad in front said.
“Aye, regretting it a bit now” I said, visibly starting to shiver.
“You will be when the wife sees you!” he laughed.
Barb does kick right off when I go out without a scarf, but I’m not sure why that’s so funny.
“Aye, regretting it a bit now” I said, visibly starting to shiver.
“You will be when the wife sees you!” he laughed.
Barb does kick right off when I go out without a scarf, but I’m not sure why that’s so funny.
January 18, 2025 at 3:30 PM
“You’re brave, nowt over your face” a big lad in front said.
“Aye, regretting it a bit now” I said, visibly starting to shiver.
“You will be when the wife sees you!” he laughed.
Barb does kick right off when I go out without a scarf, but I’m not sure why that’s so funny.
“Aye, regretting it a bit now” I said, visibly starting to shiver.
“You will be when the wife sees you!” he laughed.
Barb does kick right off when I go out without a scarf, but I’m not sure why that’s so funny.
Quite a few of the lads in front of me were wearing balaclavas. I was a bit unnerved by this as it was getting dark, but to be fair there’s been a cold snap recently and the wind was getting up, so I could see why some had wrapped up warm.
January 18, 2025 at 3:26 PM
Quite a few of the lads in front of me were wearing balaclavas. I was a bit unnerved by this as it was getting dark, but to be fair there’s been a cold snap recently and the wind was getting up, so I could see why some had wrapped up warm.