schweg,🎄
@schweg.xyz
(he/any) not quite homo luminous (c. 1989)
🏳️🌈 some of these are jokes and some of these are sincere but i’ll never tell
🌉 bridged from ⁂ https://mastodon.social/@schwegler, follow @ap.brid.gy to interact
🏳️🌈 some of these are jokes and some of these are sincere but i’ll never tell
🌉 bridged from ⁂ https://mastodon.social/@schwegler, follow @ap.brid.gy to interact
Pinned
schweg,🎄
@schweg.xyz
· 12d
what? like You’ve never traded all four railroads in monopoly for a blowjob?
start typing in lowercase and then you wake up one day and you’re romantically involved with the 23 year old stoner twink of your dreams… and other advice for gifted millennial burnouts
November 29, 2025 at 8:10 PM
start typing in lowercase and then you wake up one day and you’re romantically involved with the 23 year old stoner twink of your dreams… and other advice for gifted millennial burnouts
“i’d defenestrate that bitch”
November 29, 2025 at 5:51 PM
“i’d defenestrate that bitch”
as a gay man these are the top three women who turn me on the most sexually:
1. Nigella Lawson
2. Ina Garten
3. Claire Saffitz
1. Nigella Lawson
2. Ina Garten
3. Claire Saffitz
November 29, 2025 at 4:15 PM
as a gay man these are the top three women who turn me on the most sexually:
1. Nigella Lawson
2. Ina Garten
3. Claire Saffitz
1. Nigella Lawson
2. Ina Garten
3. Claire Saffitz
“i’m your ai dream boy: sharp memory, no censors…” the ad says as i make my way up to the roof to jump off
November 29, 2025 at 3:36 PM
“i’m your ai dream boy: sharp memory, no censors…” the ad says as i make my way up to the roof to jump off
Reposted by schweg,🎄
about to walk to Dunkin like this
November 29, 2025 at 2:38 PM
about to walk to Dunkin like this
getting waffle house at midnight after thanksgiving to prove i’m a real american
November 28, 2025 at 6:18 AM
getting waffle house at midnight after thanksgiving to prove i’m a real american
happy thanksgiving
joni has arrived
joni has arrived
November 28, 2025 at 2:22 AM
happy thanksgiving
joni has arrived
joni has arrived
Reposted by schweg,🎄
from the makers of
Shasta, Faygo, and La Croix
Shasta, Faygo, and La Croix
November 27, 2025 at 3:39 AM
from the makers of
Shasta, Faygo, and La Croix
Shasta, Faygo, and La Croix
Reposted by schweg,🎄
inside of you are two otters
November 27, 2025 at 1:11 AM
inside of you are two otters
from the makers of
Shasta, Faygo, and La Croix
Shasta, Faygo, and La Croix
November 27, 2025 at 3:39 AM
from the makers of
Shasta, Faygo, and La Croix
Shasta, Faygo, and La Croix
inside of you are two otters
November 27, 2025 at 1:11 AM
inside of you are two otters
They get money from Pete to buy 20 cakes.
Then they go to the store and get 21 cakes for free with the card.
They give 20 cakes to Pete for the sketch.
They go to the store with one cake to show how its misspelled and 20 empty boxes from the other cakes.
They get money from the store for the […]
Then they go to the store and get 21 cakes for free with the card.
They give 20 cakes to Pete for the sketch.
They go to the store with one cake to show how its misspelled and 20 empty boxes from the other cakes.
They get money from the store for the […]
Original post on mastodon.social
mastodon.social
November 26, 2025 at 8:41 PM
They get money from Pete to buy 20 cakes.
Then they go to the store and get 21 cakes for free with the card.
They give 20 cakes to Pete for the sketch.
They go to the store with one cake to show how its misspelled and 20 empty boxes from the other cakes.
They get money from the store for the […]
Then they go to the store and get 21 cakes for free with the card.
They give 20 cakes to Pete for the sketch.
They go to the store with one cake to show how its misspelled and 20 empty boxes from the other cakes.
They get money from the store for the […]
Reposted by schweg,🎄
Autumn walk:
This used to be the track of the old railway line from Berlin to the town of Potsdam.
Opened in 1838, it was the first railway line in Prussia, the second in Germany.
Whilst most of it is still in use, this branch has been closed in 1980, after […]
[Original post on berlin.social]
This used to be the track of the old railway line from Berlin to the town of Potsdam.
Opened in 1838, it was the first railway line in Prussia, the second in Germany.
Whilst most of it is still in use, this branch has been closed in 1980, after […]
[Original post on berlin.social]
November 26, 2025 at 3:07 PM
Autumn walk:
This used to be the track of the old railway line from Berlin to the town of Potsdam.
Opened in 1838, it was the first railway line in Prussia, the second in Germany.
Whilst most of it is still in use, this branch has been closed in 1980, after […]
[Original post on berlin.social]
This used to be the track of the old railway line from Berlin to the town of Potsdam.
Opened in 1838, it was the first railway line in Prussia, the second in Germany.
Whilst most of it is still in use, this branch has been closed in 1980, after […]
[Original post on berlin.social]
TIL, "Canadian Cobra Chicken"
November 26, 2025 at 5:09 PM
TIL, "Canadian Cobra Chicken"
my dad thinks i have a drinking problem because i was unemployed, depressed, and he had a full bar last time i lived with him... so, anyway he sent me a wine advent calendar and proceeded to make me feel like a lush by saying "remember it's meant to last 12 days" 🙃
November 26, 2025 at 3:04 PM
my dad thinks i have a drinking problem because i was unemployed, depressed, and he had a full bar last time i lived with him... so, anyway he sent me a wine advent calendar and proceeded to make me feel like a lush by saying "remember it's meant to last 12 days" 🙃
Domino's App feat. Hatsune Miku
November 25, 2025 at 10:13 PM
Domino's App feat. Hatsune Miku
r.i.p. jackie chan, you would have hated rush hour 4
November 25, 2025 at 9:41 PM
r.i.p. jackie chan, you would have hated rush hour 4
chatgpt just like me frfr; i learned how to type an em-dashes on a mac in college and proceeded to use them Far Too Often
November 25, 2025 at 9:26 PM
chatgpt just like me frfr; i learned how to type an em-dashes on a mac in college and proceeded to use them Far Too Often
there are four people in my department:
1 is retiring in April
1 isn't having her contract renewed
1 put in her 2 week notice yesterday
1 is me
FUUUUUUUUUUCK
1 is retiring in April
1 isn't having her contract renewed
1 put in her 2 week notice yesterday
1 is me
FUUUUUUUUUUCK
November 25, 2025 at 8:12 PM
there are four people in my department:
1 is retiring in April
1 isn't having her contract renewed
1 put in her 2 week notice yesterday
1 is me
FUUUUUUUUUUCK
1 is retiring in April
1 isn't having her contract renewed
1 put in her 2 week notice yesterday
1 is me
FUUUUUUUUUUCK
Reposted by schweg,🎄
i’m all for gay rights And crimes
i’m against whatever instagram ads targeted specifically at “bottoms” is
i’m against whatever instagram ads targeted specifically at “bottoms” is
November 23, 2025 at 12:31 AM
i’m all for gay rights And crimes
i’m against whatever instagram ads targeted specifically at “bottoms” is
i’m against whatever instagram ads targeted specifically at “bottoms” is
Reposted by schweg,🎄
if teens can make a chatbot their first girlfriend, certainly i can make this large pepperoni pizza my first boyfriend
November 18, 2025 at 10:38 PM
if teens can make a chatbot their first girlfriend, certainly i can make this large pepperoni pizza my first boyfriend
Reposted by schweg,🎄
you’re gonna need both your hands at 100% when you enter the middle southern alabama handjob competition if you’re gonna make nationals
November 23, 2025 at 10:26 PM
you’re gonna need both your hands at 100% when you enter the middle southern alabama handjob competition if you’re gonna make nationals