schweg,🎄
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schweg.xyz
schweg,🎄
@schweg.xyz
3.7K followers 860 following 370 posts
(he/any) not quite homo luminous (c. 1989)
🏳️‍🌈 some of these are jokes and some of these are sincere but i’ll never tell

🌉 bridged from ⁂ https://mastodon.social/@schwegler, follow @ap.brid.gy to interact
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schweg.xyz
schweg,🎄 @schweg.xyz · Nov 18
what? like You’ve never traded all four railroads in monopoly for a blowjob?
schweg.xyz
“live on ABC, next day on Hulu” is a wild marketing line for the NYE ball drop
December 27, 2025 at 7:04 PM
schweg.xyz
what a week to notice i have forehead wrinkles when un-furrowed all of a sudden
December 23, 2025 at 10:55 PM
schweg.xyz
lil kim would NEVER
December 23, 2025 at 9:26 PM
schweg.xyz
singing fa la la la la
to the tune of 'a little bit alexis'
December 23, 2025 at 5:32 PM
schweg.xyz
show at the local record store :D
A live music performance in a dimly lit venue with blue lighting, with people watching the artists and record singles displayed in the foreground.
December 20, 2025 at 4:35 AM
Reposted by schweg,🎄
schweg.xyz
if teens can make a chatbot their first girlfriend, certainly i can make this large pepperoni pizza my first boyfriend
November 18, 2025 at 10:38 PM
schweg.xyz
I got the The Oracle archetype!

https://mastodon.social/@schwegler/wrapstodon/2025/812a81b0d4f2e4a4

#wrapstodon2025
Wrapstodon 2025 for schweg,🎄
See how schweg,🎄 used Mastodon this year!
mastodon.social
December 15, 2025 at 3:58 PM
schweg.xyz
shraaaaamp
December 14, 2025 at 8:38 PM
schweg.xyz
the 69th annual Shitposter of the Year Awards presented by Kia
December 13, 2025 at 11:14 PM
schweg.xyz
playing hole dot i o and just continuously giggling about deep throating
December 13, 2025 at 5:02 PM
schweg.xyz
GREAT i was honest about how bad my anxiety has been getting and now i can’t have grapefruit juice
December 11, 2025 at 6:38 AM
schweg.xyz
doctor money?
she can be my husband
December 10, 2025 at 6:29 PM
schweg.xyz
food blog comments are fucking wild
“this is great, thank for the recipe. here is a story about the first time i had this food with my lover Euripides in 1972 at a little restaurant next to coney island…”
December 10, 2025 at 4:36 PM
schweg.xyz
acting like he’s never been fed
Close-up of a tabby cat's face, showing its green eyes, pink nose, and detailed fur pattern.
December 10, 2025 at 3:13 PM
schweg.xyz
there’s so much slavery involved in the 12 days of christmas
December 10, 2025 at 3:25 AM
schweg.xyz
mark rosario truthers in the instagram comments
December 10, 2025 at 3:22 AM
schweg.xyz
RE: https://mastodon.social/@mattotcha/115689806247221523

“and it’s in my pants”
December 9, 2025 at 7:44 PM
schweg.xyz
chat, AM i tall?
December 9, 2025 at 5:54 PM
schweg.xyz
Purple Skittles are blackcurrant flavored in the United Kingdom?
December 9, 2025 at 4:06 PM
schweg.xyz
saw a map of homicide rates and i guess i'm re-upping my dream of moving to portland (maine or oregon, doesn't matter tbh)
December 9, 2025 at 2:58 PM
schweg.xyz
making a joint grindr account with my bestie has been a weird and enlightening experience all around
December 9, 2025 at 2:50 PM
schweg.xyz
woke up late
who saw that coming?
me. i did.
December 9, 2025 at 1:53 PM
Reposted by schweg,🎄
catworkers.bsky.social
Baker.

📸 Aycute99
A grey-brown striped cat has their paws resting on a rolling pin. On the table, there are various lumps of bread dough. A grey-brown striped cat has their paws resting on a rolling pin. On the table, there are various lumps of bread dough.
March 30, 2025 at 5:05 PM
schweg.xyz
there’s anxious attachment in this order?
December 6, 2025 at 10:33 PM
schweg.xyz
going out on a Thursday when you work a 9-5 means thinking you did something out of pocket and your friends hate you until they all wake up a few hours into your day
December 5, 2025 at 5:01 PM