From now on, whenever I accidentally text the wrong person about something— which happens a LOT, so I totally get it— I am going to immediately follow up with a text that says “I guess I would make a great Secretary of Defense! LOL! JK! I am kidding!” I like to keep things light and fun generally.

Since 2016, every time I’ve gotten a news alert on my phone I’ve prayed it would say he’s dead.

So many things wrong with this country, but walking around Capitol Hill in DC this morning, what disturbed me most was how poorly these men dress. Good lord.

I have decided to dominate the world of comics.

Sorry- I can’t start calling the Gulf of Mexico the Gulf of America cuz then I’d have to come up with a new name for your mom’s vagina and I’m too busy cooking her breakfast right now.

I was reading this book about WW2 and it said the first thing American soldiers would do when they spotted Nazis is shoot at them.

The NFL is a league of cowards.

A 53 year-old man gets six young men between the ages of 19 and 24 to secretly do some super f*%cked up sh*t. The very definition of a groomer.

When I was a kid, the grown ups would tell us lies like how we’d grow hair on our palms if we masturbated or how our government has a system of checks and balances.

Trump is so willfully stupid he doesn’t grasp the fact that he’s the dictator of only one country. Hence the recklessness.

Aaron Rodgers didn't care about voting until RFK Jr. ran for president. He is immunized against rational thought.

I will not rest until Elon’s moobs have been knotted.

Pic from on set of Busted Babies written & directed by Kasper Meltedhair (January 2024 filmed in Philadelphia, PA)

I’m sure the war on drugs won’t be a failure this go around…anywho Fuck Trump Fuck Elon!

Flight attendant on this plane just asked if I wanted any snacks so I said “How is the brisket?”

Now we are both laughing. I try to keep things light and fun when traveling.