I get these at Aldi, wrap them in aluminum foil, and toss in the slow cooker

After ~4 hours they're done. You can't carve them because the meat just falls apart. I shred them with a fork

They're "expensive" for turkey, at $8 for a 1½ pounds

If you catch your mistake and think you can hang up before it rings to 911, NO YOU CAN'T

They will call back

But those amendments aren't self-executing, and any law attempting to effectuate them is unconstitutional. You might even say that the Constitution itself is unconstitutional

Golden Globe for Podcast, it's like combining two bad things to make them worse:

Sour Cream and Onion Cheese Puffs

Beat-Boxing Enya

Pay-Per-View Soap Operas

MMA Breakdancing

Powerwalking Cropdusting

I look forward to finding out which of you has been hiking the Appalachian Trail

Wait 'til they find out they have to pay $19.99/month subscription in order to use the heated seats, and another $14.99/month for the remote start app

That's the reason I stuck with the F-16

Replace the opening credits with the Baby Got Back video, problem solved

The Burbs had some mediocre Hanks scenes, and some top notch Hanks scenes

Security system running on Windows Server 2003, connected to the same network as the office computers 😬

Importers are transferring money into the treasury's accounts to pay the tariffs and the government has some kind of record of these transactions, I assume

Money goes back to importers (not "countries")

If importers charged an explicit tariff to their customers, they can deal with refunds

Maybe Ben Garrison dropped by the White House

You could write the same article about every successful populist politician and only need to change a few minor details

Find a cause people care about, unite them with a sense of belonging, win election

I went to look at the Roy Moore senate election to see the ticket splitting there, but it was the only race in a December special election

That might have turned out differently if there was another race on the ballot, with all the GOP voters that sat it out

Filling out a W4 for my espionage work, so the government doesn't try to Al Capone me

As someone who regularly has to deal with shit at 7 am as I'm taking my first sips of coffee, BdB holding a groundhog is my spirit animal

He'll eventually get around to apologizing for his behavior, according to his attorney

The original Kelsey Grammer scene

I wouldn't walk up, I would roller skate up to this