Ryan Burkett
@ryanburkett.bsky.social
Chicago writer and comedian, trying to raise a good beagle
Pinned
Ryan Burkett
@ryanburkett.bsky.social
· Apr 2
Don’t Be Nervous on Your First Day of Time Travel Because You Retired Yesterday After Fifty Years and We’re All Going to Miss You
Periodically you might encounter your double. Do not engage, especially for sex.
www.pointsincase.com
I wrote this and @pointsincase.com was nice enough to run it. Thanks!
The reason for the season
The new "Good Good Things" newsletter has dropped. It is filled with holiday delights, so if you want to be delighted, this is probably the best place to go. Thanks for reading and sharing this past year, my cursed Santa doll and I really appreciated it.
www.gojeffgo.com/good-good-th...
www.gojeffgo.com/good-good-th...
December 21, 2025 at 1:05 AM
The reason for the season
There goes her dream of being in The Try Guys
At a Coldplay concert in July, Kristin Cabot appeared on the Jumbotron in the arms of her boss. Cabot retreated, trying to make things right with the people who mattered most. Now, for first time since that viral moment, Cabot is sharing her side of the story. trib.al/I8tWdU4
December 19, 2025 at 1:56 AM
There goes her dream of being in The Try Guys
I’m gonna throw in some laundry, so let me know when you guys are ready to don gay apparel and I’ll — NOW?!
December 18, 2025 at 11:28 PM
I’m gonna throw in some laundry, so let me know when you guys are ready to don gay apparel and I’ll — NOW?!
This email could have been a meeting we always say we’re going to get together and we never do
December 12, 2025 at 7:36 PM
This email could have been a meeting we always say we’re going to get together and we never do
Self-sabotaging but blaming everyone else as a form of self-care
December 11, 2025 at 11:18 PM
Self-sabotaging but blaming everyone else as a form of self-care
I just ran for the CTA Holiday Train and missed it where’s my Hallmark movie
December 10, 2025 at 11:11 PM
I just ran for the CTA Holiday Train and missed it where’s my Hallmark movie
*I meet your baby, who instantly starts crying*
“Wow he must smell MY dog”
“Wow he must smell MY dog”
December 10, 2025 at 3:41 AM
*I meet your baby, who instantly starts crying*
“Wow he must smell MY dog”
“Wow he must smell MY dog”
I wrote one of these! Always wanted to be on a “Year-End List (Complimentary)”
Our "Best of 2025" picks feature party planners, new chess pieces, sewer dwellers, Kyle Energy, and more!
Best of PIC 2025
Our "Best of 2025" picks feature party planners, new chess pieces, sewer dwellers, Kyle Energy, and more!
www.pointsincase.com
December 10, 2025 at 12:45 AM
I wrote one of these! Always wanted to be on a “Year-End List (Complimentary)”
My cashier said it was okay
More than 1 in 4 self-checkout shoppers admit they've stolen: Survey
More than 1 in 4 self-checkout shoppers admit they’ve stolen: Survey
More than a third of self-checkout thieves see the kiosks as “unpaid work” so taking small items “feels like compensation.”
ktla.com
December 7, 2025 at 11:23 PM
My cashier said it was okay
I don’t have Spotify so I don’t know my top song, unless singing Happy Birthday every morning on the train counts (if no one has a birthday I sing Tambourine Man but it’s usually someone’s birthday)
December 4, 2025 at 5:48 AM
I don’t have Spotify so I don’t know my top song, unless singing Happy Birthday every morning on the train counts (if no one has a birthday I sing Tambourine Man but it’s usually someone’s birthday)
I don’t know anyone who lights up a room, which is comforting
December 4, 2025 at 1:17 AM
I don’t know anyone who lights up a room, which is comforting
My seasonal depression starts the day Chicago closes the patios
November 30, 2025 at 7:19 AM
My seasonal depression starts the day Chicago closes the patios
Oh no Tilly Norwood was ran over by the Philadelphia Cream Cheese TikTok float at the Macys Thanksgiving parade. (Her head exploded.)
November 27, 2025 at 6:00 PM
Oh no Tilly Norwood was ran over by the Philadelphia Cream Cheese TikTok float at the Macys Thanksgiving parade. (Her head exploded.)
I quit watching Stranger Things because of the nosebleeds
November 26, 2025 at 11:37 PM
I quit watching Stranger Things because of the nosebleeds
Podcasters are always like, “We started back in 2023. No one even knew what a podcast was back then.”
November 24, 2025 at 11:35 PM
Podcasters are always like, “We started back in 2023. No one even knew what a podcast was back then.”
She’s going to be in Oh Mary I called this like a year ago
BREAKING: Marjorie Taylor Greene says she's resigning from Congress — effective January 5, 2026.
November 22, 2025 at 1:51 AM
She’s going to be in Oh Mary I called this like a year ago
I think this song is probably about me (ugh jk ignore me I’m so vain)
November 17, 2025 at 12:52 AM
I think this song is probably about me (ugh jk ignore me I’m so vain)
Everyone’s always surprised when creeps are friends with creeps. It’s from watching too many sitcoms where there’s only one in a friend group. Same with dumb guys or chefs.
November 14, 2025 at 11:56 PM
Everyone’s always surprised when creeps are friends with creeps. It’s from watching too many sitcoms where there’s only one in a friend group. Same with dumb guys or chefs.
I’m sure they’re nice but this looks like shit
November 10, 2025 at 1:09 AM
I’m sure they’re nice but this looks like shit
Somebody shoulda bet against that wig
Hey so Michael Burry (the dude Christian Bale plays in The Big Short) just took out a billion dollar short bet against a few HUGE Ai companies…………
Reminder that he made mega bank betting on the housing market to fail back in 2008. No one believed that was even possible at the time.
Reminder that he made mega bank betting on the housing market to fail back in 2008. No one believed that was even possible at the time.
November 9, 2025 at 8:33 PM
Somebody shoulda bet against that wig
Genuinely hope he wins
November 7, 2025 at 6:00 PM
Genuinely hope he wins
Can I be the one to tell Debra Messing
Mira Nair, in addition to being a brilliant filmmaker, is now officially the mom of the MAYOR OF NEW YORK CITY!
Mamdani wins New York City mayoral race, in a historic victory for progressives
Mamdani, a democratic socialist and state assemblymember, will make history as the first Muslim and South Asian person — as well as the youngest in over a century — to serve as New York City mayor.
www.npr.org
November 5, 2025 at 3:02 AM
Can I be the one to tell Debra Messing
No and as a matter of fact I’m going to Trader Joe’s later to get even more
Y’all doing #NoNutNovember 👀
November 2, 2025 at 7:18 PM
No and as a matter of fact I’m going to Trader Joe’s later to get even more
I love Halloween so much I think we should start asking each other “What are you supposed to be” throughout the year
November 1, 2025 at 10:39 PM
I love Halloween so much I think we should start asking each other “What are you supposed to be” throughout the year