I’ve neither finished it nor sent it.

Maybe this will be enough for now.
Maybe I just needed to get this out of my head.

Fuck.

I really do wish she would reach out 😔

I’m gonna go do some manual labor now and try to have a pleasantly uneventful day.

Ok nope it’s not all me. A year is a long-ass time.

So what do I do? Her mental health break is now negatively affecting me. I don’t want to disrupt her [assumed] progress because I am fiercely protective of my friends…

So this is my dilemma.

I started a message to her about this a week ago.

I’m also mad that this is affecting me like this.

I can’t tell her I need a mental health break from her mental health break. That would be selfish as AF.

I know I’m raw right now about some unrelated stuff, and that it happened to coincide with her lunch with my ma… so maybe it’s me.

She has been so honest with me over the years that I believe her when she said it’s not just me and that she is still my friend. I don’t think I miscalculated her love for me, and I feel certain that she knows how much I love her.

I honestly feel a bit like I’m being shunned. Hmm ok that sounds like ego, so let me add… shunned by a person who I love dearly and almost unconditionally. A person who has previously reciprocated and who I thought loved me on that same level.

And now I don’t know anymore.

So the aforementioned Big Mad was largely what I’ve already said, but also because I’m pissed off that I’m so hurt.

My [admittedly unhealthy] coping mechanisms are failing me.

It bubbles up almost daily because that’s how often she crosses my mind.

I don’t want this friendship to end.

It might even be different if she’d been able to state her boundaries. I even asked her a month in if I should continue to communicate on a limited basis or stop altogether and she said, “I don’t even know!”

I think I had tried to make two of the four declined/cancelled plans at that point.

I got Big Mad about it that day when my mom met her for lunch. Not at my mom, obviously. My friend had asked my mom about me.

SHE NEEDS TO ASK ME ABOUT ME.

I’ve asked my mom to reply to further inquiries with something along the lines of, “you’ll need to ask her that.”

I think that’s fair.

I’ve mostly avoided her social media. I mean I haven’t looked at her pages but they do come through my feeds. I try not to look. I don’t want to catch up with my friend that way. She’s less than 30 minutes away. We should be catching up in person.

But what I’m seeing is that she’s doing things.

In the first 4 months, she declined/cancelled as many lunch invites/plans so I backed off. 6 months in I checked to make sure she hadn’t decided we weren’t friends but hadn’t told me. She assured me that wasn’t it and that it wasn’t just me.

One year on, and it’s kinda feeling like it’s just me.

I thought so also but apparently there are situations where the FOIA request can be denied. In this case, it may be that the “unrelated investigation” of the victim officer is active or there may be concern for his privacy. What I just read was a little vague but I didn’t look further today.

Came here to say the Pratchett oeuvre

This is it. I remember it being on the radio back in nineteen dickety-do.

Hi maybe this is baby steps towards full acceptance of his own change of heart/decision to grow. Maybe he is still erasing lines that he had previously pencilled in.

I have zero idea who you are but I am super happy for you that your dad has worked out how to love his daughter ❤️