It’s exactly the same as last year. Impossible slumps. Horrible luck. Dunderheaded shit at the worst possible time. And above all, just never ever ever ever ever getting the big hit.

The Brewers are using a Game Genie. I’ve literally never seen anything like this.

The Cubs vibe status has been reduced to DEFCON 3. It brings me no joy to report this.

Big believer that NFL teams need to work with musical instrument manufacturers to create unique fields goal DOINK sounds in every stadium. Like the different horns of Middle Earth, you’d know where you are instantly.

Jeepers creepers I hate this proposal for the Bulls. Getting two injury prone limited players on longer contracts back with zero draft compensation? How about just keep Zach and roll the dice because this ain’t it at all.

The absolute height of bullshit for the Cubs to have franchise-shattering transaction rumors that sound more imminent than street cart Thai food diarrhea only to be given two straight days of abject silence.

POKE POKE DO SOMETHING

Matt Eberflus' career as the Chicago Bears head coach:
www.youtube.com/watch?v=B40c...

We all must agree to make sure that future generations know how freaking incredible Lebron was to watch.

Not until they are 110% are they going to see the floor. Ayton especially.

Mark Leiter Jr. replacement with a chance to be even better.

If anyone needed more evidence that the Internet is smoothing all of our brains, here it is

Week 12 Bears offseason roster checklist:

1. re-sign Braxton Jones to 14m x 4.
2. re-sign T. Jenkins to 11m x 3; if he turns it down give it to Zack Martin.
3. Kick tires on Ryan Kelly
4. Draft gamewrecker iDL in R1
5. Draft iOL and BPA in R2
6. Let K.Allen walk
7. Draft speed freak RB/WR/KR

I actually don't know what the Blazers are supposed to do when DeAndre Ayton and to a lesser extent Ant Simons are healthy. They're balling w/o them, the roles makes sense, everybody is playing their ass off. But sitting 60m in salary and confirming they're not worth acquiring ain't it either.

A day later I'm hardly bothered by the Bears getting their shot blocked at the buzzer for a bigtime win for the following reasons:

1. That FG goes through the uprights and Eberflus Return Probability goes up 37%
2. Caleb played well.
3. It wasn't an entire referendum on the organization's failures.

today’s cope is *unveils curtain a la Price is Right*…..

IF THE BEARS BEAT THE PACKERS FLUS MIGHT BE BACK!!!

I think I belong in the following starter packs, fwiw:

- Chicago sports angst
- Golf
- Gardening, i'm shocked to report
- Thinking i'm a clever little shit
- Long-winded unrequested diatribes about the previous topics
- oh and the Portland Trailblazers now that I've broken up with the Bulls

There's nothing I wouldn't give to return to 2011 twitter where my takes flew into the ether to echo off the digital walls without ever making contact with a human. It was a dashboard confessional that eventually became a catharsis for the like-minded. Then it began sucking. Let's do it again.

If he can stay healthy - big if - he’s a top 15 player in the league.

It’s so wonderfully quiet in here.