Um, actually, it’s spelled “theiy’re”

Me going downhill, to the people coming uphill: turn around, it’s not worth it. Just a garbage view.

Some of y’all might want to study up right quick. en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Weekend...

He’s probably undergoing some type of procedure this weekend. Like removing his heart to put it in an accursed jar, or something else involving a phylactery.

At its heart Ponyo is a movie about a woman, slightly estranged from her husband, who gave up her life as a Formula 1 racer and getaway driver for organized crime so she could raise her son on a lovely island. And then a 3’5” tall Eldritch horror came from the seafoam for a playdate. 10/10, so cute.

In a night of pure magic with the incomparable @thejoedante.bsky.social and some gremlin friends, we had the best time at our sold out screening of GREMLINS 2 on 35mm (big shout out to our projectionists who helped make the night so unforgettable)

We see this guy for the first time, and I go "Wait, your costume's all yellow? Guess we know why they call you the Wizzer!" This guy just says "Nope."

“Well why DO they call you that?"

“Because I'm gonna beat the piss outta you at superspeed."

And then he beat the piss out of us at superspeed.

Ever breathed in soda when you meant to drink it and had that painful-ass cough-snort? Yeah, I just did that with generic brown Listerine. I may never get sick again, if I survive this coughing fit.

Just overheard a coworker talking about how they were upset they had to go to their kids’ game this weekend and couldn’t drink anything till they got home. When did this become a thing? My parents used to drink at kids games all the time. I didn’t even play sports.

Apartment complex is having the fence replaced. You can tell they spared no expense on the crew because they’re wearing matching flip-flops to kick the old fence slats out.

My daughter just burst out laughing at me (her father) yesterday. “I’m glad you don’t use Chapstick like a man, but why do you put it on like you’re about to destroy someone’s life?”

She still hasn’t been able to explain without laughing.

You ever bite your tongue so hard you wanna leave work and go home for the rest of the day? Because I just did.

I just overheard two women talking in the gym. One of them said “so here I am changing my password at 12:30 midnight!” and I just KNOW a man is involved in this story.

“Chicken Jockey” and “Water Bucket, Release!” being YELLED around my house has led me to this surprisingly wholesome hot take: The Minecraft Movie is gonna be this generation’s Rocky Horror Picture Show.

The only thing they teach you in business school is that productivity goes up if you play the song "Powerhouse" by Raymond Scott on the factory floor

I am no hero.

Anime Cozy-Core Games:
Here ya go youngster! Eat these mushrooms and drink some vinegar-ice water, that’ll perk you up. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to take off my mushroom hat and turn back into a nine-headed dragon. These fields won’t plow themselves, ya know! (happy dragon digging noises)

If you’re not pronouncing “boutique” as “booty-cue,” you’re missing out on one of life’s very few free pleasures.