@quartzjixler.bsky.social
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Him: You smell amazing.
Me: Thanks, it’s garlic bread.
Me: Thanks, it’s garlic bread.
February 3, 2025 at 5:03 PM
Him: You smell amazing.
Me: Thanks, it’s garlic bread.
Me: Thanks, it’s garlic bread.
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Here’s something political:
Go fuck yourself.
Go fuck yourself.
February 2, 2025 at 8:30 PM
Here’s something political:
Go fuck yourself.
Go fuck yourself.
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*mutes all the political skeets*
Me: This is nice.
Me: This is nice.
February 2, 2025 at 8:16 PM
*mutes all the political skeets*
Me: This is nice.
Me: This is nice.
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I’ve got your tariffs right here.
*gestures at boobs*
*gestures at boobs*
February 2, 2025 at 7:22 PM
I’ve got your tariffs right here.
*gestures at boobs*
*gestures at boobs*
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If he doesn’t want to see your tariffs, they aren’t worth the price increase.
February 2, 2025 at 6:31 PM
If he doesn’t want to see your tariffs, they aren’t worth the price increase.
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Canadian buttholes are the best kind of buttholes.
February 2, 2025 at 6:12 PM
Canadian buttholes are the best kind of buttholes.
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Tariff this butthole.
February 2, 2025 at 5:07 PM
Tariff this butthole.
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What base is it when your vagina makes him nervous?
January 31, 2025 at 3:19 AM
What base is it when your vagina makes him nervous?
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Woke up with a vagina again.
January 31, 2025 at 2:22 PM
Woke up with a vagina again.
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My only limit is my imagination.
And my lack of ability.
And my apathetic personality.
And my lack of ability.
And my apathetic personality.
February 2, 2025 at 1:48 PM
My only limit is my imagination.
And my lack of ability.
And my apathetic personality.
And my lack of ability.
And my apathetic personality.
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Tazed by the sheriff of Funkytown
February 2, 2025 at 2:47 PM
Tazed by the sheriff of Funkytown
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I love the smell of coffee and butthole skeets first thing in the morning.
February 2, 2025 at 3:24 PM
I love the smell of coffee and butthole skeets first thing in the morning.
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Came for the wine moms, stayed for the butthole skeets.
February 1, 2025 at 10:35 PM
Came for the wine moms, stayed for the butthole skeets.
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Hot wine moms on Bluesky are posting butthole skeets.
February 1, 2025 at 8:24 PM
Hot wine moms on Bluesky are posting butthole skeets.
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people who pull the bed covers anywhere up above the neck are pretending to be uncircumcised dicks when they go to sleep prove me wrong
February 2, 2025 at 6:08 AM
people who pull the bed covers anywhere up above the neck are pretending to be uncircumcised dicks when they go to sleep prove me wrong
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Buttholes need goodnight kisses too.
February 2, 2025 at 5:47 AM
Buttholes need goodnight kisses too.
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*wakes up on February 1st*
Me: Thank fuck January is done.
Me: Thank fuck January is done.
February 1, 2025 at 3:45 PM
*wakes up on February 1st*
Me: Thank fuck January is done.
Me: Thank fuck January is done.
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January was longer than a pair of tits on Twitter.
February 1, 2025 at 5:37 PM
January was longer than a pair of tits on Twitter.
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Shooing my Roomba out of the kitchen like Ma Ingalls 2.0
January 25, 2025 at 10:53 AM
Shooing my Roomba out of the kitchen like Ma Ingalls 2.0
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My chihuahua's basically a tiny cartel kingpin who's scared of the rain.
January 26, 2025 at 10:50 AM
My chihuahua's basically a tiny cartel kingpin who's scared of the rain.
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"I haven't been this sexually aroused since the time Spock pretended to seduce a Romulan commander whilst Kirk, disguised as a Romulan centurion, stole the cloaking device from a Romulan ship, thus saving the USS Enterprise from imminent destruction"
"Ma'am, please pull forward to the next window"
"Ma'am, please pull forward to the next window"
January 27, 2025 at 7:17 AM
"I haven't been this sexually aroused since the time Spock pretended to seduce a Romulan commander whilst Kirk, disguised as a Romulan centurion, stole the cloaking device from a Romulan ship, thus saving the USS Enterprise from imminent destruction"
"Ma'am, please pull forward to the next window"
"Ma'am, please pull forward to the next window"
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I keep my shower really clean by encouraging my family to bathe in the river.
January 27, 2025 at 1:13 PM
I keep my shower really clean by encouraging my family to bathe in the river.
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According to HR I'm no longer allowed to say "Something wicked this way comes" when our boss arrives at work.
January 29, 2025 at 10:25 AM
According to HR I'm no longer allowed to say "Something wicked this way comes" when our boss arrives at work.