Theodore Hill (he/him)
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probablyharmless.bsky.social
Theodore Hill (he/him)
@probablyharmless.bsky.social
2.4K followers 650 following 3.2K posts
Writer of (mostly) horror and librarian. Also trans, queer, polyam, and Jewish. theodorehill.weebly.com for contact info, publication credits, and super strange testimonials. Co-Editor @dielaughingmag.bsky.social / Wario of @cassandradaucus.bsky.social
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probablyharmless.bsky.social
Still not time for the party but I need you all to know that I also have bandaids on all my fingers (for authenticity).
A very concerned looking guy (glasses, brown hair), dressed as Seymour Krelborn in a plaid button up and blue sweater vest. The hand adjusting his glasses has a bandaid on each finger.
November 1, 2025 at 12:28 AM
probablyharmless.bsky.social
I've given you grow-lights and mineral supplements, what do you want from me, blood?
A trans guy with short brown hair and glasses in a very convincing Seymour Krelborn costume. Khakis, a light button-up shirt, a blue sweater vest, and a lovingly handmade Audrey 2 in hand. He is standing in front of a bunch of potted plants and looking awkward on purpose. A head on close up of Audrey 2 (the carnivorous plant). It has a big, red smile, lolling purple tongue, and plenty of sharp teeth.
October 31, 2025 at 5:18 PM
probablyharmless.bsky.social
On a white wall, flanked by electric torches and over a large piano, a massive framed painting of Abraham Lincoln with three blue clad civil war soldiers. There's a rainbow visible out the window over Lincoln's head.
October 12, 2025 at 6:57 PM
probablyharmless.bsky.social
All the books and zines I got at @voidcon.bsky.social in two glorious images.
A stack of books on a table! Top to bottom: Bodypunk (Filthy Loot) Fleischerei by Saoirse Ni Charagain Burn You the Fuck Alive by B.R. Yeager The Nothing That Is by Kyle Winkler Backmask by OF Cieri Beneath the Swimming Pools, the Teeth by Mark Jaskowski Burn, Beautiful Soul by William J. Donahue The Organization Is Here to Support You by Charlene Elsby Reef Mind by Hazel Zorn We Like it Cherry by Jacy Morris Till We Become Monsters by Amanda Headlee Only Monsters Remain by William J. Donahue Feeding the Wheel by Michael Boulerice. A bunch of zines laid out on an end table in two rows. Left to right, top to bottom: The Makeitstop (Please): A Gnostic Nightmare by Jason Baltazar Scream Zine by Sara Century Lesbian Vampire Zine by Sara Century Who the FUCK is junkyard ambrose? LIBER BXIII by junkyard ambrose GORE 3 Foul Black Rookeries: Stories by David Simmons
October 12, 2025 at 6:24 PM
probablyharmless.bsky.social
Yesterday evening I texted my boyfriend shortly before he got off work asking for his opinion on a Star Wars matter (in the secret hope that this exact thing would happen). 🥰
A screenshot of a call log indicating an incoming call which lasted 1 hour 1 minute and 57 seconds.
October 7, 2025 at 1:35 PM
probablyharmless.bsky.social
Environmental storytelling.
A yellow tube of super glue with no cap that has been super glued to an outdoor cinder block wall.
October 5, 2025 at 5:47 PM
probablyharmless.bsky.social
Wanna read the story that got these words out of @caninebrainz.bsky.social and @sashabrown.bsky.social?

Two options:

Get the issue here now - www.godscrueljokelit.com/5-speculativ...

Or come to @voidcon.bsky.social and I'll read it to you Friday night (October 10).

Good luck!
A screenshot of black text on a pale background. What People Are Saying... "Oh my god dude this is disgusting, I love it." - junkyard ambrose ​"I just read it and good lord, [Theo]. I used to think you were a nice boy." - Sasha Brown
October 1, 2025 at 8:03 PM
probablyharmless.bsky.social
Be my friend on discord! You'll get thrilling correspondence like this!
A screenshot of two discord messages from me (Theo) sent ay 9:24am. First message: Do you know about the tiktok romance novel about the dangerous crow boy whose job it is to destroy plastic? Second message: Oh also good morning or whatever [tongue out emoji].
September 25, 2025 at 1:28 PM
probablyharmless.bsky.social
I may have mentioned before that my boyfriend is a bit squeamish, but I was so excited for this one I made a special version for him to read with all the gross stuff cut out.

If you have a stronger stomach, you should buy this book to read the rest. (And much, much more from so many cool folks!!!)
A screenshot of a word document, heavily redacted. Amongst the nine black bars, the only words that can be read are "This would be easier with a knife, but when have you ever wanted it easy?" and "your tongue stays where it is."
September 16, 2025 at 1:14 PM
probablyharmless.bsky.social
This is the only photographic evidence I have for any of this. But I think it's neat.
At a distance, a large heron is standing in the water (photographed from a bridge). The image is a bit washed out from the street light, but the reflection of the heron is also visible.
September 13, 2025 at 6:25 AM
probablyharmless.bsky.social
Aaaaaaaaah 😭🫀
Me again, this time standing next to Rachel Harrison, who looks stunning and sparkly and is holding her book Play Nice.
September 13, 2025 at 1:01 AM
probablyharmless.bsky.social
Help I've been bedeviled by @claymcleod.bsky.social and @natcassidy.bsky.social!
A bespectacled trans guy (me!) flanked by Nat Cassidy and Clay McLeod Chapman who, I cannot stress this enough, are dressed in bright red devil costumes with horns and pitchforks. Clay is holding a copy of Play Nice by Rachel Harrison, who I am excitedly waiting to meet.
September 13, 2025 at 12:10 AM
probablyharmless.bsky.social
Omg everyone be cool (I am trying so hard to be cool)
A hardcover copy of Play Nice by Rachel Harrison, held in my hand in thr Strand rare book room as I wait for a book event.
September 12, 2025 at 11:05 PM
probablyharmless.bsky.social
Ok, hear me out. A Lord of the Rings re-make, but with these two taking the One Ring to Mordor.
Two women in olive green work jumpsuits and white undershirts stand in a doorway. They are the machine repair people from Crimes of the Future (2022).
September 1, 2025 at 6:08 AM
probablyharmless.bsky.social
My mom is showing me blorbo(s) from her shows.
A TV, paused on a frame from Bones, with A woman in a baseball cap and a man in sunglasses. Because I have seen a few episodes of this I know them as Brennan and Booth. (S2E7, apparently a favorite episode of hers.)
August 26, 2025 at 1:44 AM
probablyharmless.bsky.social
Try to live so that very sweet queer women in their 60s don't say this about you when you die.

My mother, to clarify, who lives in Colorado and has been with my other mom (her now wife) for something like 40 years...my entire life.

(1/2)
A text screenshot. Me (right justified, white text in a purple bubble): Did you hear James Dobson died? My mom (left justified, white text in a dark gray bubble): I didn't. I guess the world is a little safer. (I reacted to my mom's message with a blue heart.)
August 21, 2025 at 3:03 PM
probablyharmless.bsky.social
Wow oh wow how did I get so lucky!! Sweet Theodore lives with me now!! Thank you very much to @jeremycshipp.bsky.social and the anonymous kind soul who covered the cost. What a magnificent and generous gift!!
A hand is holding a hand-stitched felt creature in front of a brown couch. This is Sweet Theodore. He's a purple rabbit with a greenish blue face, large dark yellow eyes, and an open mouth filled with sharp teeth. He has two pink tentacles and a pink pouch over his belly with three purple embroidered flowers.
August 16, 2025 at 11:21 PM
probablyharmless.bsky.social
Reskeet with a tweet you still think about
Twitter screenshot. Justin Kim @ justindkim92 Her: you wanna go upstairs? Me: sure... Her: you have protection? Me: w-why? What's up there?
August 13, 2025 at 3:32 AM
probablyharmless.bsky.social
Oh hey wait this is the car from Knight Rider!!!
Detail shot into the driver's side window of the black toy car (held in my hand), which shows that the dashboard has colorful screens and an oddly shaped steering wheel.
August 10, 2025 at 8:05 PM
probablyharmless.bsky.social
I'm couch surfing at the moment and the friend I am staying with this week has left me, as he put it, an "emotional support Hot Wheel" and I'm not gonna lie I feel Very Supported.
A small, black toy car is sitting on a wooden side table, in close up.
August 10, 2025 at 7:21 PM
probablyharmless.bsky.social
A spoiler free sample of what my boyfriend has to put up with when he recommends me an audiobook.
A discord screenshot with two bursts of messages from Theo (aka me), transcribed below: "Omgggggggggg Fuck omg something is going very wrongggg OH What the fuck is going onnnnnnn Oh nooooooo Shit omg this is sooooo fucked lmao Oh Oh oh noooo oh no." Yes, I am always like this.
August 7, 2025 at 7:45 PM
probablyharmless.bsky.social
Had the pleasure of stopping by @eveninghouse.bsky.social and picking up this gem by @johnchrostek.com which I cannot wait to read!
On a shiny wooden tabletop, a paperback copy of Box Cutters (short stories by John Chrostek) is centered. Four fingers touch the bottom of the cover, which is orange with white text and has assorted images on it (a polar bear, boxers boxing, a cowboy, a skull covered on flowers, a wide open eye, etc).
July 31, 2025 at 11:16 PM
probablyharmless.bsky.social
This is where I post from
A spacious office with high ceilings and leather furniture. A wooden desk can be seen far to the left, and a ladder in the background leads up to a loft with bookshelves and a figures standing at the top. There are two large windows, with red and white striped curtains. (You may recognize Hannibal Lecter's office from the NBC series Hannibal.)
July 19, 2025 at 4:22 AM
probablyharmless.bsky.social
Stopped by @littleghostsbooks.bsky.social today to pick up a book with a conceit I'm kind of vexed I didn't come up with myself. But I didn't. @diannalgunn.bsky.social did fair and square and I cannot wait to read it!
A very pale hand holding a book in front of a stone wall. The book is Killer Debt by Dianna Gunn and the cover has a hand holding a knife on a black background, with eyes reflected in the knife's blade.
July 18, 2025 at 10:32 PM
probablyharmless.bsky.social
I think Denver has a couple to spare if she needs them.
At night, in front of a black sky, a massive blue horse statue rears ominously. It has gold accenting and glowing red eyes that flare the lens. He is Blucifer, and lives near the Denver International Airport.
July 18, 2025 at 3:15 PM