For the absolute last time: I *never* said I thought E.T. dressed in the wig and the dress was sexy, I said *I could see why people would think that*

This is what i mean when i say i got that dog in me

Deep Blue is 30 years old and was capable of defeating chess grand champions. It could be housed in a single cabinet.

ChatGPT spans untold data centers devouring massive amounts of electricity and it got its ass whipped by an 8 bit gaming console from the 1970s.

the worst thing about playing for the mets is that they will not leave you alone. ever. i played 43 games for them in 2015. i hit like .040, i was terrible. and every spring they send me texts and letters like hey, want to suit up for a homestand? NO. my civic duty is fulfilled. leave me alone

(after waiting nervously since COVID to see what crazy new sci-fi acronym plague will threaten society next) Ah. Measles.

He was always a used car salesman at heart.

guys love to say “dude my balatro run last night was insane” then show you a screenshot like this

You ever get so lonely you watch a cult documentary and can't help but feel jealous of them in the first half

Google how do I get my parents to stop drunk texting me

It’s really not hard to pass an audit. It just requires transparency and honest reporting

If I see one more person saying we need another zorro movie in gonna scream. I will not stand for Puss in Boots erasure. He’s literally played by zorro

footwork is not important in boxing since you're not allowed to kick

The fall of a king

What’s up I’m here to fuck bitches and get money