Eternal Samnation
@portmanteauface.bsky.social
Mostly I write things down, but sometimes I wrong things up. I’m working on it.
Clickbait ➡️ https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:57tds76f6hmild5kw32pppdd/feed/aaacbm5qg2h7a
Clickbait ➡️ https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:57tds76f6hmild5kw32pppdd/feed/aaacbm5qg2h7a
Pinned
[jurassic park]
ALAN GRANT: the t-rex can’t see you if you don’t move
ME: *In The Air Tonight on my headphones gets to the drum solo part* fuck fuck fuck
ALAN GRANT: the t-rex can’t see you if you don’t move
ME: *In The Air Tonight on my headphones gets to the drum solo part* fuck fuck fuck
Reposted by Eternal Samnation
Three years of planning, two bribed security guards, and one unlocked warehouse door later, Nancy had finally freed her family from the hellscape that was Kohl’s. After the brief, but intoxicating moment of exultation passed, she was left with just one burning question. Now what?
November 10, 2025 at 11:38 PM
Three years of planning, two bribed security guards, and one unlocked warehouse door later, Nancy had finally freed her family from the hellscape that was Kohl’s. After the brief, but intoxicating moment of exultation passed, she was left with just one burning question. Now what?
Reposted by Eternal Samnation
“It’s a dog door, a DOG door. Now, one more time, what are you?”
[sigh] “I’m a horse.”
“That’s right Jim, you’re a horse.”
[sigh] “I’m a horse.”
“That’s right Jim, you’re a horse.”
November 10, 2025 at 5:15 PM
“It’s a dog door, a DOG door. Now, one more time, what are you?”
[sigh] “I’m a horse.”
“That’s right Jim, you’re a horse.”
[sigh] “I’m a horse.”
“That’s right Jim, you’re a horse.”
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Oh you thought I didn't have more? There are at least 1k hilarious accts on this app and I know all their middle names, okay?
November 10, 2025 at 1:36 PM
Oh you thought I didn't have more? There are at least 1k hilarious accts on this app and I know all their middle names, okay?
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If you're not on that first one, don't be cry. I'm making three and it's really difficult finding all my people at 6 am. Here's list two. Some of my best friends aren't on either of these and I know it. Hang in there, it's coming
go.bsky.app/3KzRR2m
go.bsky.app/3KzRR2m
November 10, 2025 at 12:44 PM
If you're not on that first one, don't be cry. I'm making three and it's really difficult finding all my people at 6 am. Here's list two. Some of my best friends aren't on either of these and I know it. Hang in there, it's coming
go.bsky.app/3KzRR2m
go.bsky.app/3KzRR2m
Reposted by Eternal Samnation
anyone else need a necklace with a button to push for being in an "i've fallen and can't get up" mental space?
November 9, 2025 at 7:15 PM
anyone else need a necklace with a button to push for being in an "i've fallen and can't get up" mental space?
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Hey Friends, if you're looking for comedy, I've got you covered
November 10, 2025 at 12:40 PM
Hey Friends, if you're looking for comedy, I've got you covered
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“I brought a couple of friends, I hope that’s cool.”
November 10, 2025 at 2:13 PM
“I brought a couple of friends, I hope that’s cool.”
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“Listen Barbara, I’ll be at my sister’s until you can get your shit together. Please don’t forget to water the plants.”
November 9, 2025 at 1:57 PM
“Listen Barbara, I’ll be at my sister’s until you can get your shit together. Please don’t forget to water the plants.”
Reposted by Eternal Samnation
“Hello, my little friend.”
“Um, hi.”
“See that lady holding the camera?”
“Yeah?”
“She leaves for work in an hour.”
“Um, hi.”
“See that lady holding the camera?”
“Yeah?”
“She leaves for work in an hour.”
November 8, 2025 at 5:40 PM
“Hello, my little friend.”
“Um, hi.”
“See that lady holding the camera?”
“Yeah?”
“She leaves for work in an hour.”
“Um, hi.”
“See that lady holding the camera?”
“Yeah?”
“She leaves for work in an hour.”
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That lamp looks PISSED.
November 8, 2025 at 1:17 PM
That lamp looks PISSED.
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it was love at first sight
November 8, 2025 at 2:05 AM
it was love at first sight
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Grief eventually leads to joy, which you'll know when you've cried so hard your nose makes a noise just like a clown's nose being honked
November 7, 2025 at 2:49 PM
Grief eventually leads to joy, which you'll know when you've cried so hard your nose makes a noise just like a clown's nose being honked
Reposted by Eternal Samnation
me: *waxes poetic*
poetic: just leave a landing strip
poetic: just leave a landing strip
November 7, 2025 at 5:04 PM
me: *waxes poetic*
poetic: just leave a landing strip
poetic: just leave a landing strip
Reposted by Eternal Samnation
Whenever someone new comes to the house, Clyde always likes to show off his mailman collection.
November 7, 2025 at 2:07 PM
Whenever someone new comes to the house, Clyde always likes to show off his mailman collection.
Reposted by Eternal Samnation
the free sample lady must have called them when i wouldn’t leave
November 6, 2025 at 4:45 PM
the free sample lady must have called them when i wouldn’t leave
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Most potential pet owners consider things like breeding, size, coat, intelligence, trainability, and temperament. Often overlooked is the crucially important element of aerodynamics, which can greatly affect your gas mileage, raising the overall cost of ownership significantly.
November 6, 2025 at 1:52 PM
Most potential pet owners consider things like breeding, size, coat, intelligence, trainability, and temperament. Often overlooked is the crucially important element of aerodynamics, which can greatly affect your gas mileage, raising the overall cost of ownership significantly.
Reposted by Eternal Samnation
Thursday, 4:01pm
"Still there."
"Yep."
"Looks blue."
"It certainly does."
"Wet too."
"Totally."
"See you next week?"
“Count on it."
"Still there."
"Yep."
"Looks blue."
"It certainly does."
"Wet too."
"Totally."
"See you next week?"
“Count on it."
November 6, 2025 at 1:48 AM
Thursday, 4:01pm
"Still there."
"Yep."
"Looks blue."
"It certainly does."
"Wet too."
"Totally."
"See you next week?"
“Count on it."
"Still there."
"Yep."
"Looks blue."
"It certainly does."
"Wet too."
"Totally."
"See you next week?"
“Count on it."
Reposted by Eternal Samnation
Later on, Terry would feel a slight pang of guilt over the fleeting seconds she'd spent thinking about all the things she could do with a spare bedroom, before grabbing the kid's leg.
November 5, 2025 at 4:30 PM
Later on, Terry would feel a slight pang of guilt over the fleeting seconds she'd spent thinking about all the things she could do with a spare bedroom, before grabbing the kid's leg.
Reposted by Eternal Samnation
potty training a unicorn ain’t easy
November 5, 2025 at 1:27 PM
potty training a unicorn ain’t easy
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Some of you haven't been complimenting your birds on how handsome they are, and I am quite bothered.
November 5, 2025 at 4:05 AM
Some of you haven't been complimenting your birds on how handsome they are, and I am quite bothered.
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[3am]
Lily’s father awakens to the feeling of hot breath on his face and the smell of sulfur. He opens his eyes and finds himself staring into a pair of red, glowing orbs. The ladybug unhinges its jaws, revealing two perfectly formed rows of razor-sharp teeth. He screams.
Lily’s father awakens to the feeling of hot breath on his face and the smell of sulfur. He opens his eyes and finds himself staring into a pair of red, glowing orbs. The ladybug unhinges its jaws, revealing two perfectly formed rows of razor-sharp teeth. He screams.
November 4, 2025 at 8:25 PM
[3am]
Lily’s father awakens to the feeling of hot breath on his face and the smell of sulfur. He opens his eyes and finds himself staring into a pair of red, glowing orbs. The ladybug unhinges its jaws, revealing two perfectly formed rows of razor-sharp teeth. He screams.
Lily’s father awakens to the feeling of hot breath on his face and the smell of sulfur. He opens his eyes and finds himself staring into a pair of red, glowing orbs. The ladybug unhinges its jaws, revealing two perfectly formed rows of razor-sharp teeth. He screams.
Reposted by Eternal Samnation
"Hush, Horatio. Did you not hear the Dark Lord's call? Go now and summon the others, for it is the time of The Reaping. Soon we shall be bathing in the blood of our enemies."
"I don't know, Max. I'm pretty sure that was just a can opener."
"I don't know, Max. I'm pretty sure that was just a can opener."
November 4, 2025 at 5:14 PM
"Hush, Horatio. Did you not hear the Dark Lord's call? Go now and summon the others, for it is the time of The Reaping. Soon we shall be bathing in the blood of our enemies."
"I don't know, Max. I'm pretty sure that was just a can opener."
"I don't know, Max. I'm pretty sure that was just a can opener."
Reposted by Eternal Samnation
“First you bug me to go out, and now you want to come right back in? You've been out there for like thirty seconds. Did you at least pee? Tell me you at least peed."
November 4, 2025 at 2:01 PM
“First you bug me to go out, and now you want to come right back in? You've been out there for like thirty seconds. Did you at least pee? Tell me you at least peed."
Reposted by Eternal Samnation
Reposted by Eternal Samnation
“HALLOWEEN IS OVER NOW GET OFF MY LAWN!”
November 4, 2025 at 1:30 AM
“HALLOWEEN IS OVER NOW GET OFF MY LAWN!”