pimli0prentiss.bsky.social
@pimli0prentiss.bsky.social
Reposted
RFK Jr. Warns Mistress That Condoms Cause Autism
RFK Jr. Warns Mistress That Condoms Cause Autism
WASHINGTON—Claiming that 100% of users experienced dangerous side effects as a result of wearing the contraceptive device, Robert F. Kennedy Jr. reportedly paused an amorous moment Thursday to issue a...
theonion.com
September 8, 2025 at 3:00 PM
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Ladies and gentlemen, it's been only 52 days since Trump sued WSJ journalists and said — in court! — the Epstein letter doesn't exist.

And now. We know. It does.
September 8, 2025 at 7:10 PM
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Don't forget the other Epstein birthday letter the WSJ printed today.

The one from longtime Trump friend and Mar-a-Lago member Joel Pashcow:
September 9, 2025 at 2:22 AM
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Sorry to make it worse but there's a part of the WSJ article that no one is talking about that I had to share with someone.
September 8, 2025 at 8:47 PM
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a lot of bad-faith grifters are taking my words out of context just because i told jeffrey dahmer to "stay hungry," in writing, at his birthday party, that i was at.
September 8, 2025 at 9:14 PM
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If you take anything away from my post, I hope it's this:
April 25, 2025 at 12:09 AM
April 18, 2025 at 9:27 PM
As a sorcerer does
My apprentice asked for some time off so i shortened his lifespan by 7 years to fuel my wicked enchantments
April 14, 2025 at 3:17 AM
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Honored to join veterans in calling for accountability and investigations into Secretary Hegseth’s FUBAR situation where he texted secret war plans on Signal to a journalist.

We all wore the uniform. If we had texted secret war plans to a journalist, we likely would have been court-martialed.
March 25, 2025 at 8:55 PM
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you often see partisan political cheerleading compared to sports, but most sports fans i've met usually have some opinions about the tactics of their favorite team, or are even willing to criticize the management when they make bad calls. political cheerleaders are less sophisticated than that
March 25, 2025 at 5:03 PM
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GREAT news everyone!

The Onion is hiring! For a bunch of new positions.

Sports Editor (yes, we're bringing it back): jobs.gusto.com/postings/the...

Entertainment Editor (going harder here too): jobs.gusto.com/postings/the...

And a Staff Writer (!): jobs.gusto.com/postings/the...

Apply or die!
Careers at The Onion
jobs.gusto.com
March 25, 2025 at 9:49 PM
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man it's getting so you can't even give unimaginable power to the worst people alive without things going all sideways on you
March 25, 2025 at 9:52 PM
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AVAILABLE. Dyed on a Fantasy Initiative shirt. ShakaWear Max Heavyweight tag size Large. Measures 22.75" x 30.75". These fit a little oversized & the fabric is thick. 100 shipped, DM to acquire 🫡
March 24, 2025 at 2:22 AM
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This isn’t even satire it’s a certainty
If "the public" were to "rise up" Schumer would be on here every day scolding everyone and would end up being one of 15 Senate Democrats to vote for a bill called something like the Omnibus Tax Reduction and Let President Trump Napalm Protesters Act of 2025.
Schumer: "If he defies the Supreme Court, then we are in uncharted territory ... our entire democracy is at risk. I believe that if Donald Trump should defy the courts, the public will rise up. Democrats will fight it in every single way ... autocrats only succeed if the public lets them."
March 23, 2025 at 9:00 PM
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Boycott Airbnb! They’re DOGE!
March 18, 2025 at 12:25 PM
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Let me translate two things this libertarian light nincompoop is saying: Personal liberties means doing whatever the fuck I want. Free markets means doing whatever the fuck I want. He’s an adult toddler.
February 26, 2025 at 6:29 PM
I have one seat open for tonight’s campaign, Rise of the Drow. We’re just a few sessions into the campaign, now is a great time to join! Sign up now and play tonight! It’s that simple, friends.

startplaying.games/adventure/cl...
Play Dungeons & Dragons 5e Online | Rise of the DROW D&D 5E 🔞New player/GM friendly, Open to all
🕷🕸️ Underdark setting! 🕸️🕷 🔥🌶️ Scanitly clad Drow priestesses! 🌶️🔥 ⚔️🔮 Full 1-20 level campaign adventure! 🔮 ⚔️ 🤘🩸 Thrills, chills, & plenty of blood spilled! 🩸🤘 Tonight, a ceremony of light is takin...
startplaying.games
January 27, 2025 at 5:17 PM
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My crankiest belief is that we are now being sold on solutions to problems which only exist because we've let others convince us they exist. That is what "innovation" seems to be in 2025.

There's a level of introspection that's just not happening these days re: what actually needs to bother us.
January 26, 2025 at 6:38 PM
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If the price of coffee goes up the guy from blues traveler will be fine because he also likes tea
January 27, 2025 at 3:08 AM
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AVAILABLE. Dyed on a Night Channels graphic t-shirt. Comfort Colors 2XL tag size. Fits true to size at 26" x 30.75". 100 shipped, DM to obtain 🫡
January 27, 2025 at 5:37 AM
Don’t miss out on this insanely good opportunity
Also taking preorders (100 shipped each) on Saruman and "Morgul Witch" (Witch-King) long sleeves. Graphic print on both sides & both sleeves. Small to 3X on Ivory Comfort Colors, 4XL & 5XL printed on similar blanks.
December 15, 2024 at 3:13 PM
This green is so fucking sick
Dyed with Electric Green and Imperial Purple. NFS 🫡
December 15, 2024 at 3:10 PM