Paul Eggleston
@pauleggleston.bsky.social
I put the 'cool' in 'convoluted'.
Well, actually I put the 'convol' in 'convoluted' so you just have to take the 'nv' bit out of 'convol', and push the 'co' and the 'ol' together to make 'cool'.
www.pauleggleston.com
My book: https://amzn.eu/d/9DrMuOS
Well, actually I put the 'convol' in 'convoluted' so you just have to take the 'nv' bit out of 'convol', and push the 'co' and the 'ol' together to make 'cool'.
www.pauleggleston.com
My book: https://amzn.eu/d/9DrMuOS
Pinned
Paul Eggleston
@pauleggleston.bsky.social
· Oct 10
I've invented a new saying, 'as proud as a Frenchman making strawberry butter', which I'm sure you'll agree is a lovely churn of fraise.
#LunchPun
#LunchPun
- When i lived in Somalia I trod in my cat's food bowl and got it stuck on my foot.
- Moggy dish shoe?
- No, Hargeysa.
- Moggy dish shoe?
- No, Hargeysa.
December 11, 2025 at 5:44 PM
- When i lived in Somalia I trod in my cat's food bowl and got it stuck on my foot.
- Moggy dish shoe?
- No, Hargeysa.
- Moggy dish shoe?
- No, Hargeysa.
Reposted by Paul Eggleston
Soundproofed walls - I won't hear a word against them.
December 10, 2025 at 10:14 PM
Soundproofed walls - I won't hear a word against them.
Reposted by Paul Eggleston
Just wanted to say good evening to all the steamroller drivers out there.
December 9, 2025 at 7:45 PM
Just wanted to say good evening to all the steamroller drivers out there.
Soundproofed walls - I won't hear a word against them.
December 10, 2025 at 10:14 PM
Soundproofed walls - I won't hear a word against them.
When my kids test my patience in the run-up to Christmas, it's very cathartic to pop this on once a day. It's my dad-vent colander.
December 9, 2025 at 9:07 PM
When my kids test my patience in the run-up to Christmas, it's very cathartic to pop this on once a day. It's my dad-vent colander.
Just wanted to say good evening to all the steamroller drivers out there.
December 9, 2025 at 7:45 PM
Just wanted to say good evening to all the steamroller drivers out there.
Last Christmas,
I gave you a book entitled 'Cure your obsession with how heavy your gifts are',
But the very next day
You gave it a weigh.
I gave you a book entitled 'Cure your obsession with how heavy your gifts are',
But the very next day
You gave it a weigh.
December 3, 2025 at 8:14 PM
Last Christmas,
I gave you a book entitled 'Cure your obsession with how heavy your gifts are',
But the very next day
You gave it a weigh.
I gave you a book entitled 'Cure your obsession with how heavy your gifts are',
But the very next day
You gave it a weigh.
Could anyone lend me a nice car? I'd really depreciate it.
December 2, 2025 at 5:41 PM
Could anyone lend me a nice car? I'd really depreciate it.
Reposted by Paul Eggleston
Reposted by Paul Eggleston
Reposted by Paul Eggleston
If words were ever to develop religion, their places of worship would be decorated with Eggleston jokes. Like medieval Last Judgment murals, they would warn faithful dictionary denizens of the terrible eternal torment that awaits if they allow themselves to be misappropriated.
December 1, 2025 at 12:58 PM
If words were ever to develop religion, their places of worship would be decorated with Eggleston jokes. Like medieval Last Judgment murals, they would warn faithful dictionary denizens of the terrible eternal torment that awaits if they allow themselves to be misappropriated.
- My mate keeps trying to make a beef stew *so* hot that it warms the whole of the United Kingdom to the temperature at which a lightbulb will frazzle insects of the order Lepidoptera.
- Heats bourguignon 'til UK hot like crisp moths?
- Yes it is feeling rather festive, isn't it?
- Heats bourguignon 'til UK hot like crisp moths?
- Yes it is feeling rather festive, isn't it?
December 1, 2025 at 12:01 PM
- My mate keeps trying to make a beef stew *so* hot that it warms the whole of the United Kingdom to the temperature at which a lightbulb will frazzle insects of the order Lepidoptera.
- Heats bourguignon 'til UK hot like crisp moths?
- Yes it is feeling rather festive, isn't it?
- Heats bourguignon 'til UK hot like crisp moths?
- Yes it is feeling rather festive, isn't it?
Reposted by Paul Eggleston
- I've heard that the BBC are going to do a hit piece on an alpaca.
- Pan a llama?
- No, Newsnight.
- Pan a llama?
- No, Newsnight.
November 24, 2025 at 8:51 PM
- I've heard that the BBC are going to do a hit piece on an alpaca.
- Pan a llama?
- No, Newsnight.
- Pan a llama?
- No, Newsnight.
Butcher also inhaled sauce (11)
November 24, 2025 at 9:01 PM
Butcher also inhaled sauce (11)
- I've heard that the BBC are going to do a hit piece on an alpaca.
- Pan a llama?
- No, Newsnight.
- Pan a llama?
- No, Newsnight.
November 24, 2025 at 8:51 PM
- I've heard that the BBC are going to do a hit piece on an alpaca.
- Pan a llama?
- No, Newsnight.
- Pan a llama?
- No, Newsnight.
Reposted by Paul Eggleston
I wanted to buy a tubular scarf off Vinted but it came with a frilly Elizabethan collar and the seller wouldn't split them. Still, I suppose you have to take the ruff with the snood.
November 21, 2025 at 3:09 PM
I wanted to buy a tubular scarf off Vinted but it came with a frilly Elizabethan collar and the seller wouldn't split them. Still, I suppose you have to take the ruff with the snood.
Reposted by Paul Eggleston
Fuck off, I'm absolutely not reposting this, it's terrible. 😂🙄😂
I wanted to buy a tubular scarf off Vinted but it came with a frilly Elizabethan collar and the seller wouldn't split them. Still, I suppose you have to take the ruff with the snood.
November 21, 2025 at 3:16 PM
Fuck off, I'm absolutely not reposting this, it's terrible. 😂🙄😂
I wanted to buy a tubular scarf off Vinted but it came with a frilly Elizabethan collar and the seller wouldn't split them. Still, I suppose you have to take the ruff with the snood.
November 21, 2025 at 3:09 PM
I wanted to buy a tubular scarf off Vinted but it came with a frilly Elizabethan collar and the seller wouldn't split them. Still, I suppose you have to take the ruff with the snood.
Reposted by Paul Eggleston
Freddie Mercury's Grandmother: I need an almond-flavoured liqueur, but I'm waiting for one of the supermarkets to do a discount.
Freddie Mercury: I see a Lidl's Amaretto offer, Nan.
Freddie Mercury: I see a Lidl's Amaretto offer, Nan.
November 12, 2024 at 6:19 PM
Freddie Mercury's Grandmother: I need an almond-flavoured liqueur, but I'm waiting for one of the supermarkets to do a discount.
Freddie Mercury: I see a Lidl's Amaretto offer, Nan.
Freddie Mercury: I see a Lidl's Amaretto offer, Nan.
Reposted by Paul Eggleston
I've heard that my lodger has bought a new swivel chair, but I don't know for sure. Possibly just a roomer going around.
November 19, 2025 at 11:34 PM
I've heard that my lodger has bought a new swivel chair, but I don't know for sure. Possibly just a roomer going around.
I've heard that my lodger has bought a new swivel chair, but I don't know for sure. Possibly just a roomer going around.
November 19, 2025 at 11:34 PM
I've heard that my lodger has bought a new swivel chair, but I don't know for sure. Possibly just a roomer going around.