Paul Eggleston
@pauleggleston.bsky.social
I put the 'cool' in 'convoluted'.
Well, actually I put the 'convol' in 'convoluted' so you just have to take the 'nv' bit out of 'convol', and push the 'co' and the 'ol' together to make 'cool'.
www.pauleggleston.com
My book: https://amzn.eu/d/9DrMuOS
Well, actually I put the 'convol' in 'convoluted' so you just have to take the 'nv' bit out of 'convol', and push the 'co' and the 'ol' together to make 'cool'.
www.pauleggleston.com
My book: https://amzn.eu/d/9DrMuOS
Pinned
Paul Eggleston
@pauleggleston.bsky.social
· Oct 10
I've invented a new saying, 'as proud as a Frenchman making strawberry butter', which I'm sure you'll agree is a lovely churn of fraise.
#LunchPun
#LunchPun
Reposted by Paul Eggleston
I wanted to buy a tubular scarf off Vinted but it came with a frilly Elizabethan collar and the seller wouldn't split them. Still, I suppose you have to take the ruff with the snood.
November 21, 2025 at 3:09 PM
I wanted to buy a tubular scarf off Vinted but it came with a frilly Elizabethan collar and the seller wouldn't split them. Still, I suppose you have to take the ruff with the snood.
Reposted by Paul Eggleston
Fuck off, I'm absolutely not reposting this, it's terrible. 😂🙄😂
I wanted to buy a tubular scarf off Vinted but it came with a frilly Elizabethan collar and the seller wouldn't split them. Still, I suppose you have to take the ruff with the snood.
November 21, 2025 at 3:16 PM
Fuck off, I'm absolutely not reposting this, it's terrible. 😂🙄😂
I wanted to buy a tubular scarf off Vinted but it came with a frilly Elizabethan collar and the seller wouldn't split them. Still, I suppose you have to take the ruff with the snood.
November 21, 2025 at 3:09 PM
I wanted to buy a tubular scarf off Vinted but it came with a frilly Elizabethan collar and the seller wouldn't split them. Still, I suppose you have to take the ruff with the snood.
Reposted by Paul Eggleston
Freddie Mercury's Grandmother: I need an almond-flavoured liqueur, but I'm waiting for one of the supermarkets to do a discount.
Freddie Mercury: I see a Lidl's Amaretto offer, Nan.
Freddie Mercury: I see a Lidl's Amaretto offer, Nan.
November 12, 2024 at 6:19 PM
Freddie Mercury's Grandmother: I need an almond-flavoured liqueur, but I'm waiting for one of the supermarkets to do a discount.
Freddie Mercury: I see a Lidl's Amaretto offer, Nan.
Freddie Mercury: I see a Lidl's Amaretto offer, Nan.
Reposted by Paul Eggleston
I've heard that my lodger has bought a new swivel chair, but I don't know for sure. Possibly just a roomer going around.
November 19, 2025 at 11:34 PM
I've heard that my lodger has bought a new swivel chair, but I don't know for sure. Possibly just a roomer going around.
I've heard that my lodger has bought a new swivel chair, but I don't know for sure. Possibly just a roomer going around.
November 19, 2025 at 11:34 PM
I've heard that my lodger has bought a new swivel chair, but I don't know for sure. Possibly just a roomer going around.
Reposted by Paul Eggleston
***Storyline confirmed for new series of #LineOfDuty***
Suspicions of police interference in events at Mount Vesuvius in 79AD lead to a new job for AE-12, the Antique Eruption Unit.
Suspicions of police interference in events at Mount Vesuvius in 79AD lead to a new job for AE-12, the Antique Eruption Unit.
November 19, 2025 at 12:00 PM
***Storyline confirmed for new series of #LineOfDuty***
Suspicions of police interference in events at Mount Vesuvius in 79AD lead to a new job for AE-12, the Antique Eruption Unit.
Suspicions of police interference in events at Mount Vesuvius in 79AD lead to a new job for AE-12, the Antique Eruption Unit.
***Storyline confirmed for new series of #LineOfDuty***
Suspicions of police interference in events at Mount Vesuvius in 79AD lead to a new job for AE-12, the Antique Eruption Unit.
Suspicions of police interference in events at Mount Vesuvius in 79AD lead to a new job for AE-12, the Antique Eruption Unit.
November 19, 2025 at 12:00 PM
***Storyline confirmed for new series of #LineOfDuty***
Suspicions of police interference in events at Mount Vesuvius in 79AD lead to a new job for AE-12, the Antique Eruption Unit.
Suspicions of police interference in events at Mount Vesuvius in 79AD lead to a new job for AE-12, the Antique Eruption Unit.
Paul McCartney's cartography career never took off because he kept mixing up his lat-heyjude and long-heyjude.
November 15, 2025 at 10:33 PM
Paul McCartney's cartography career never took off because he kept mixing up his lat-heyjude and long-heyjude.
Dick Dastardly's dog wasn't well so he borrowed another one. It wasn't *exactly* the same, but it was a proxy Muttley.
November 15, 2025 at 9:13 PM
Dick Dastardly's dog wasn't well so he borrowed another one. It wasn't *exactly* the same, but it was a proxy Muttley.
- I was just subjected to Christmassy hold music whilst on the phone to a gum resin rental company.
- Myrrh hire query?
- No, Slade.
- Myrrh hire query?
- No, Slade.
November 15, 2025 at 8:16 PM
- I was just subjected to Christmassy hold music whilst on the phone to a gum resin rental company.
- Myrrh hire query?
- No, Slade.
- Myrrh hire query?
- No, Slade.
Reposted by Paul Eggleston
I have it on good authority that a member of the Royal Family has several nasty ulcers. But I can't say anything else about them. Four regal lesions.
November 14, 2025 at 9:30 PM
I have it on good authority that a member of the Royal Family has several nasty ulcers. But I can't say anything else about them. Four regal lesions.
I have it on good authority that a member of the Royal Family has several nasty ulcers. But I can't say anything else about them. Four regal lesions.
November 14, 2025 at 9:30 PM
I have it on good authority that a member of the Royal Family has several nasty ulcers. But I can't say anything else about them. Four regal lesions.
Reposted by Paul Eggleston
Someone has nicked almost all of the tiles from my game of Scrabble 😢
Just FYI.
Just FYI.
November 10, 2025 at 7:48 PM
Someone has nicked almost all of the tiles from my game of Scrabble 😢
Just FYI.
Just FYI.
Someone has nicked almost all of the tiles from my game of Scrabble 😢
Just FYI.
Just FYI.
November 10, 2025 at 7:48 PM
Someone has nicked almost all of the tiles from my game of Scrabble 😢
Just FYI.
Just FYI.
Very much enjoyed recording a couple of episodes of @punnit.bsky.social, the competitive wordplay gameshow podcast last week (but I'm not so sure they enjoyed me! I do hope they have me back 🤣).
TikTokkers can see some teasers here:
vm.tiktok.com/ZNdK6vkPA/
TikTokkers can see some teasers here:
vm.tiktok.com/ZNdK6vkPA/
TikTok - Make Your Day
vm.tiktok.com
November 10, 2025 at 7:30 PM
Very much enjoyed recording a couple of episodes of @punnit.bsky.social, the competitive wordplay gameshow podcast last week (but I'm not so sure they enjoyed me! I do hope they have me back 🤣).
TikTokkers can see some teasers here:
vm.tiktok.com/ZNdK6vkPA/
TikTokkers can see some teasers here:
vm.tiktok.com/ZNdK6vkPA/
Of all the terrible social media posts credited to priests with names that translate to 'Sausage', this one is by Father Wurst.
November 9, 2025 at 9:59 AM
Of all the terrible social media posts credited to priests with names that translate to 'Sausage', this one is by Father Wurst.
Me: Love your glasses
Optician: Thanks
Me: Do you wear them all the time?
Optician: Let's focus on you
Me: Sure! *staring at 'U' on the eye chart*
Optician: No, focus on your eyes!
Me: *staring at 'I'*
Optician: *defeated* Oh.
Me: *staring at 'O'* *tuts* Make your mind up...
Optician: Thanks
Me: Do you wear them all the time?
Optician: Let's focus on you
Me: Sure! *staring at 'U' on the eye chart*
Optician: No, focus on your eyes!
Me: *staring at 'I'*
Optician: *defeated* Oh.
Me: *staring at 'O'* *tuts* Make your mind up...
November 9, 2025 at 8:32 AM
Me: Love your glasses
Optician: Thanks
Me: Do you wear them all the time?
Optician: Let's focus on you
Me: Sure! *staring at 'U' on the eye chart*
Optician: No, focus on your eyes!
Me: *staring at 'I'*
Optician: *defeated* Oh.
Me: *staring at 'O'* *tuts* Make your mind up...
Optician: Thanks
Me: Do you wear them all the time?
Optician: Let's focus on you
Me: Sure! *staring at 'U' on the eye chart*
Optician: No, focus on your eyes!
Me: *staring at 'I'*
Optician: *defeated* Oh.
Me: *staring at 'O'* *tuts* Make your mind up...
Peter Andre lost his job at the zoo styling all the flightless birds with hair straighteners, because he missed a rhea's curl.
#LunchPun
#LunchPun
November 7, 2025 at 12:00 PM
Peter Andre lost his job at the zoo styling all the flightless birds with hair straighteners, because he missed a rhea's curl.
#LunchPun
#LunchPun
Reposted by Paul Eggleston
I barely get a mention in my wife's new autobiography, which says a lot more about her than it does about me.
November 4, 2025 at 10:07 PM
I barely get a mention in my wife's new autobiography, which says a lot more about her than it does about me.
I couldn't find anywhere to sit at the zoo earlier, because everyone was watching a marsupial complain about having to use a urinal. It was standing 'roo moan wee.
#LunchPun
#LunchPun
November 5, 2025 at 12:00 PM
I couldn't find anywhere to sit at the zoo earlier, because everyone was watching a marsupial complain about having to use a urinal. It was standing 'roo moan wee.
#LunchPun
#LunchPun
I barely get a mention in my wife's new autobiography, which says a lot more about her than it does about me.
November 4, 2025 at 10:07 PM
I barely get a mention in my wife's new autobiography, which says a lot more about her than it does about me.
Reposted by Paul Eggleston
- Will you please stop trying to make me tell you my favorite sweets for ONE MINUTE, I'm trying to visualise what our entrance lobby would look like covered in woven willow twigs.
- Wickerish hall thoughts?
- I SAID STOP FOR ONE MINUTE!
- Wickerish hall thoughts?
- I SAID STOP FOR ONE MINUTE!
November 4, 2025 at 4:28 PM
- Will you please stop trying to make me tell you my favorite sweets for ONE MINUTE, I'm trying to visualise what our entrance lobby would look like covered in woven willow twigs.
- Wickerish hall thoughts?
- I SAID STOP FOR ONE MINUTE!
- Wickerish hall thoughts?
- I SAID STOP FOR ONE MINUTE!
- Will you please stop trying to make me tell you my favorite sweets for ONE MINUTE, I'm trying to visualise what our entrance lobby would look like covered in woven willow twigs.
- Wickerish hall thoughts?
- I SAID STOP FOR ONE MINUTE!
- Wickerish hall thoughts?
- I SAID STOP FOR ONE MINUTE!
November 4, 2025 at 4:28 PM
- Will you please stop trying to make me tell you my favorite sweets for ONE MINUTE, I'm trying to visualise what our entrance lobby would look like covered in woven willow twigs.
- Wickerish hall thoughts?
- I SAID STOP FOR ONE MINUTE!
- Wickerish hall thoughts?
- I SAID STOP FOR ONE MINUTE!
Reposted by Paul Eggleston
- I'm doing Movember to fund a secret storage facility for my fragrant gum resin, that you can only access if you hum a short section of 'Messiah'.
- Handel bar myrrh stash?
- No, full walrus.
- Handel bar myrrh stash?
- No, full walrus.
October 31, 2025 at 8:14 PM
- I'm doing Movember to fund a secret storage facility for my fragrant gum resin, that you can only access if you hum a short section of 'Messiah'.
- Handel bar myrrh stash?
- No, full walrus.
- Handel bar myrrh stash?
- No, full walrus.