Old Soviet joke for today:

A man walks into a newsstand every day, looks around, and leaves.

After a long time of this, the owner says “Can I help you find something?”

“I’m looking for the obituaries.”

“The obituaries are in the back of the newspaper, comrade.”

“Not the one I’m looking for.”

[writing the constitution]

Benjamin Franklin: Write down "no dumb fucks as president"

Alexander Hamilton: Stop saying that

Benjamin Franklin: I'm tellin' you. You're gonna regret not writing that down

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Authoritarians want you to feel isolated and alone, to feel like their vision of the world is the only one.

That’s why taking part in public protests matters. You connect with other people like you and you show those numbers off to the world. It’s a great feeling. Try it!

A reminder to reporters, when historians look back on this moment with the president throwing himself a military parade and the people throwing No Kings rallies across America, the media sources raving about the former and sneering at the latter are going to be quoted by name.

This is your legacy!

Hello from Berlin where a few hundred Americans are outside the embassy, currently reading aloud from the Declaration of Independence. #nokings

Sneak peak at all of America tomorrow for “No Kings Day” 🍊🦅🇺🇸

I know there's a lot going on, but the Secretary of Homeland Security declaring that federal troops are in California and Los Angeles to "liberate" the state and city from its duly-elected leaders really is a fourteen-alarm fire.

Went from Inauguration to George III quicker than expected.

DEAN: What's the tariff on bananas?

LUTNICK: Generally 10%

DEAN: Walmart has already increased the cost of bananas by 8%

LUTNICK: If you build in America, there is no tariff

DEAN: We cannot build bananas in America

I see we’ve entered the June 22, 1941 stage of this particular Molotov-Ribbentrop Pact

My navy loses a fleet of ships to a country without a navy.
My air force loses 40+ bombers in a morning to a country without an air force
My army controls less of Ukraine now than it did 3 years ago.

But we're winning.

Day 1193 of my 3 day war. Several billion dollars worth of Russian aircraft were destroyed by several thousand dollars of Ukrainian drones.

I remain a master strategist.

Strange men on golf courses distributing tariffs is no basis for a system of government. Bring back the women lying in ponds.

It is 2002. I am 18 years old. We are in a once-in-a-generation economic crisis.

It is 2008. I am 24 years old. We are in a once-in-a-generation economic crisis.

It is 2020. I am 36 years old. We are in a once-in-a-generation economic crisis.

It is 2025. I am 41 years old. We are in a—