i will never receive absolution
they will never forgive me
i will always blame myself
it will my Fault

but

i guess i want that.
i don’t want to let it go.
i couldn’t be anyone else.

i want forgiveness.
i want another chance.
that want is meaningless.

but my responsibility.
is mine Forevermore.

Did I hold anything back?
I wouldn’t want to be in a place where I had to.

I don’t think I did.
I barely held anything back.
I literally lined out how I lashed out because I felt kinda hurt in Real Time.
All that Truth.

and in the same moments

“Same”

I will never receive absolution, but

What is the Ultimate Illusion for me today—

We are still connected.

True or False

where Memories and Hope meet

J… just say hi to m… to Me

during that “maybe a day”
I said after a few hours of thinking distance would be an answer, I didn’t want distance from her, I wanted distance from Loneliness.

she said Same.

i miss her
i miss her so much

Tis the Season
To be reborn
From So much sadness

Don’t be afraid
Free as a bird
Neo Universe

youtu.be/74vygGXxqPk?...

Tell me I expect too much…
…before you ask what I want…
…denying what you say you want…

Dripping down
From the shoulders
Swift
Blades
Feathers

Endlessly
Above
I want
I want to see you again

You want?

Can’t you see—?
I’m tied…

Bless this Earth

youtu.be/WndeHciZBz0?...

Cannot
Trust
Cannot
Say Goodbye

youtu.be/DfmJcTRYhhw?...

I seemed invincible…
But I never acted invulnerable!

Everything they said about me…
All the praise…
All the trust…

When and why did it become Guilt?
When and why did I get Blamed?

123… 345… 550 557…

What chord did I strike?

One said care. Another said love. Another said not to say, but said

I’m so maladjusted with respect to abandonment I cannot let go when presented with a feint toward a desire to not leave.

I have not yet told someone I wanted something I didn’t.

After I’ve revealed my heart, I have no other cards. I’m all-in. I await the river… I can’t swim… especially the Styx…

I’m f’ed up, I’m using you, I can’t be what you need, I’m afraid of disappointing you, I miss you but y is uncomfortable, my ex of 15 years used to, of all the myriad of things I want…

Who owns you?
Seriously, who owns you and why?
Who is responsible for you?
Who are you responsible for?

You want?