4] What I have now is not only a mountain of effort, but also a fortress to protect that effort, one that rots me away each day. I am afraid that I cannot do it, I cannot admit that I like it this way. But taking down a fortress that I've laid brick by brick does not sound any easier to me.

3] All my methods are to hide and retract to a place were I cannot be seen, touched, or even perceived altogether. Not only being alone, but preserving it has become a thing I am good at.

2] I have learnt to go through it all on my own. But I have not managed to get rid of the feeling of it, as much as I master doing it alone, it is a burden. And I've come to realise that I would rather not admit to it.