You’re still amongst a very small number of uploaders! I believe in you ti get more added up there.

I don’t know how the density in the Salish Sea compared to the rest of the world. I just know it is rare that there aren’t tons of them in the water when I go out.

I sincerely think that would likely change if next time someone had easy access to the ocean they gently scooped up some water in a clear cup and shined a light through the side and looked for little wiggles. Night might be an easier time to look? I know they are globally distributed but /

I don’t even photograph them that often when I see them but I am still carrying 20% of the global observations of larvaceans.

I either need a bunch of you to get mildly interested in them & each add a few or I need at least one of you to be obsessed enough with them as they deserve & post a lot.

My father died without a will, but I’m inheriting his fear.

Of dying before I make it to what I’m fighting for.
Of not being around to save the people I love.

We fought about it. I told him I’d never get the grace my brother did.

The problem was I didn’t need as much grace. The problem was the expectation is higher for your favorites. The problem was he was so scared of not being around to save us.

I was my father’s heart for ten minutes. I put the color back in his skin.

He would have told you it was a lot longer than ten minutes but I didn’t like him saying it. You aren’t supposed to have a favorite child. At the very least you aren’t supposed to say it out loud.

I’m ruining one my favorite songs. My throat aches and I can’t know if it’s from the half of the sobs I’m swallowing or the infection that killed him co-opting the machinery of my body; either way its altering my dna. I feel the compressions in my breast bone and what holds it to my ribs.

What kind of sick joke is it to make someone a losing bet and the good man in a storm? You’re really going to make an eldest daughter the man of the house and you’re gonna make sure their siblings have to bury them?

I’m 925 words in.

I’m wondering

who will write mine.
who else really could write his.
if I’ll make it through next year.
if I’ll ever believe I won’t die young.
if I’ll ever see the desert again.
who’s gonna hold me like that.
how the fuck I make it back out to sea.

💜😭

I appreciate you and I’m sending love your way too. I haven’t seen your updates in a while but I know you were going through a lot too 💜

He was so fucking scared he was going to die before he could retire and that the stress of his job would kill him and he was scared of what would happen to everyone if he did.

And it happened.

They tried for maybe forty minutes. He died in his office. He died working in a stupid project he was supposed to present on Monday for work even though he had Covid. He died right above where I’m sitting in my room trying to figure out what to do.

I cradled his head & told him I loved him and I was here & getting help and I was so sorry as I had to dump him out of his chair because he has a spinal injury & I was scared of hurting him. But I got him on the floor and I did the compressions and his color was coming back & I thought he’d make it