NewsUndies - All The News That Shouldn't Be News
@newsundies.bsky.social
An absurdist and existential look at the news and whatnots
Way to stay on top of things, Google! Doesn't even show up as "Temporarily Closed"! Look, you guys, you paid for it! ...well, your shareholders did. The least you could do is provide a progress report for your shareholders! #eastwing #trumpballroom #corruption
December 5, 2025 at 9:52 AM
Way to stay on top of things, Google! Doesn't even show up as "Temporarily Closed"! Look, you guys, you paid for it! ...well, your shareholders did. The least you could do is provide a progress report for your shareholders! #eastwing #trumpballroom #corruption
Thanks, CNN! I had no idea $0.04 was more than $0.01. That, alone was worth the $0.00 it cost me to read that!
November 12, 2025 at 8:09 PM
Thanks, CNN! I had no idea $0.04 was more than $0.01. That, alone was worth the $0.00 it cost me to read that!
..."THE CEASEFIRE"... because "Peace Is Our Profession".
June 24, 2025 at 11:09 AM
..."THE CEASEFIRE"... because "Peace Is Our Profession".
Incredible as it may seem, Danold Tmurp is still the President of the United States; The US may never learn what a "consequence" is; and it's only Tuesday. These stories and that's it, on this edition of NewsUndies!
June 24, 2025 at 8:45 AM
Incredible as it may seem, Danold Tmurp is still the President of the United States; The US may never learn what a "consequence" is; and it's only Tuesday. These stories and that's it, on this edition of NewsUndies!
Am I the only one who can't help pronouncing "trumpmobile" as "weinermobile" or "batmobile"?
June 17, 2025 at 9:34 AM
Am I the only one who can't help pronouncing "trumpmobile" as "weinermobile" or "batmobile"?
Well, at least now I know who to boycott.
Basically, Coca Cola and Walmart. I mean when was the last time I directly did business with Lockheed-Martin?
Basically, Coca Cola and Walmart. I mean when was the last time I directly did business with Lockheed-Martin?
June 15, 2025 at 12:00 PM
Well, at least now I know who to boycott.
Basically, Coca Cola and Walmart. I mean when was the last time I directly did business with Lockheed-Martin?
Basically, Coca Cola and Walmart. I mean when was the last time I directly did business with Lockheed-Martin?
run.
May 29, 2025 at 1:10 PM
run.
I didn't know you could catch cancer from an oncologist... but I'm listening...
May 28, 2025 at 8:24 AM
I didn't know you could catch cancer from an oncologist... but I'm listening...
If I just leave it like this, does that mean he can't keep doing stupid shit and endangering innocent people?
May 18, 2025 at 8:25 AM
If I just leave it like this, does that mean he can't keep doing stupid shit and endangering innocent people?
Well done, Meghan! Fact-checking is really your cap of tea!
April 22, 2025 at 8:43 AM
Well done, Meghan! Fact-checking is really your cap of tea!
What?! ANOTHER dead Pope?! Call the church police!
April 21, 2025 at 9:06 AM
What?! ANOTHER dead Pope?! Call the church police!
Cool, cool... So, this is 'winning" is it?
April 7, 2025 at 1:42 PM
Cool, cool... So, this is 'winning" is it?
Meta is on Mastodon. Cool, cool. I have to say, I'm a little bit curious... just a tiny bit. Partly to see what they post, and partly to see how badly they get dragged.
March 18, 2025 at 9:06 AM
Meta is on Mastodon. Cool, cool. I have to say, I'm a little bit curious... just a tiny bit. Partly to see what they post, and partly to see how badly they get dragged.
While DJT has not fallen through the floor of it's initial $9.90 print, it's headed there like that was it's commission from the god of Abraham.
March 14, 2025 at 8:43 AM
While DJT has not fallen through the floor of it's initial $9.90 print, it's headed there like that was it's commission from the god of Abraham.
This felt good. Say, has anyone seen or heard from Madison Cawthorn lately?
![Screenshot of a Fascebork response to Madison Cawthorn's post stating "This nation needs God." My response reads as follows:
You say "This nation needs God," but... which god? Many have been proposed, but, to this point, as far as I am aware, none has been demonstrated to exist to the extent and with the reliability that, say, cheese has been demonstrated to exist. I like cheese. I can see and touch and taste cheese. I [sic] usually tell when it's off. I have a pretty good idea how cheese is going to treat me. I can have a direct personal relationship with cheese, and while some aspects of that relationship may be entirely subjective and private to me (and may be inferred, interpreted, or even judged by others), other aspects should be clear and readily and objectively demonstrable to anyone of normative sensory and cognitive capacity who cared to investigate, and, of course, the demonstrated actual presence of cheese in our shared objective reality would be a prerequisite.](https://cdn.bsky.app/img/feed_thumbnail/plain/did:plc:4rplp7xxly275jldaapnvb7e/bafkreicq7xbcmn6tzhskcwkqzv6odfzykqmqjanc26tqk34vl2je4dsrm4@jpeg)
March 8, 2025 at 10:58 AM
This felt good. Say, has anyone seen or heard from Madison Cawthorn lately?
My attitude toward elected officials and their political appointees:
March 7, 2025 at 11:02 AM
My attitude toward elected officials and their political appointees:
I think what might be escaping Mr. Murphy's notice is that Danold Tmurp recognizes no authority other than himself, which is a dangerous trait for any leader.
February 6, 2025 at 10:04 AM
I think what might be escaping Mr. Murphy's notice is that Danold Tmurp recognizes no authority other than himself, which is a dangerous trait for any leader.
Get ready for NewsUndies' exclusive, uncompromising, up-to-the-femtosecond coverage of The Super Bowel on Sunday! Watch as Moose Weintraub and Sheep host our coverage of heavily-padded millionaires running fifteen feet and falling over.
February 5, 2025 at 9:32 AM
Get ready for NewsUndies' exclusive, uncompromising, up-to-the-femtosecond coverage of The Super Bowel on Sunday! Watch as Moose Weintraub and Sheep host our coverage of heavily-padded millionaires running fifteen feet and falling over.
"Buy my booook! Buy my booook!" -- Melarnia Tmurp
January 20, 2025 at 4:10 PM
"Buy my booook! Buy my booook!" -- Melarnia Tmurp
So, apparently, JJ Abrams has written our future. Get ready for nothing but pointless side-quests, mystery boxes, McGuffins, lens flare, unmotivated camera motion, and "so the plot can happen" justifications for everything the US does for the next four years.
January 20, 2025 at 1:01 PM
So, apparently, JJ Abrams has written our future. Get ready for nothing but pointless side-quests, mystery boxes, McGuffins, lens flare, unmotivated camera motion, and "so the plot can happen" justifications for everything the US does for the next four years.
SpaceX's "Starship" vehicle, S33, destroyed possibly by fire, fuel leak during test flight IFT-7. The booster component of the flight, B14, successfully completed its portion of the mission, returned to the launch site, and was caught by the launch tower.
January 17, 2025 at 12:01 PM
SpaceX's "Starship" vehicle, S33, destroyed possibly by fire, fuel leak during test flight IFT-7. The booster component of the flight, B14, successfully completed its portion of the mission, returned to the launch site, and was caught by the launch tower.