Mattonfire
@mattonfire.bsky.social
There's nothing uglier than a man hittin' his stride
Do you mean Eleanor Roosevelt?
October 9, 2025 at 2:02 AM
Do you mean Eleanor Roosevelt?
I’m at that odd age where there is no appropriate sneaker.
Dudes, you know what I mean.
Dudes, you know what I mean.
September 7, 2025 at 10:10 PM
I’m at that odd age where there is no appropriate sneaker.
Dudes, you know what I mean.
Dudes, you know what I mean.
Cut my bread into pieces. This is my last brioche.
September 3, 2025 at 9:48 PM
Cut my bread into pieces. This is my last brioche.
we go live now to the cabinet meeting...
two men standing next to each other with a netflix logo on the bottom right
ALT: two men standing next to each other with a netflix logo on the bottom right
media.tenor.com
August 26, 2025 at 6:43 PM
we go live now to the cabinet meeting...
My my, would you look at that gang of youths! And one of whom is doing what I believe is called a "wheelie." How uncouth!
a man with long hair and a white tie is standing in a room .
ALT: a man with long hair and a white tie is standing in a room .
media.tenor.com
August 12, 2025 at 4:14 PM
My my, would you look at that gang of youths! And one of whom is doing what I believe is called a "wheelie." How uncouth!
honestly there is nothing more terrifying than a gang of youths. there are 8-9 neighborhood kids that hang out in my garage and eat my freezie pops. sometimes I ask them what they're doing and they act like they can't hear me and roll their eyes. I wish they'd go do some wheelies or something.
August 12, 2025 at 4:04 PM
honestly there is nothing more terrifying than a gang of youths. there are 8-9 neighborhood kids that hang out in my garage and eat my freezie pops. sometimes I ask them what they're doing and they act like they can't hear me and roll their eyes. I wish they'd go do some wheelies or something.
Fighting fascism with footlongs.
August 12, 2025 at 2:35 AM
Fighting fascism with footlongs.
The leopard is eating my face and I don’t want it to stop
Trump said he’d drain the swamp…turns out he meant his own voter pool.
August 8, 2025 at 4:44 PM
The leopard is eating my face and I don’t want it to stop
Spent last week looking at stuff like this and now I gotta look at a stupid computer screen until thanksgiving.
August 4, 2025 at 5:37 PM
Spent last week looking at stuff like this and now I gotta look at a stupid computer screen until thanksgiving.
I'm gonna hit the Request button and ask for $36.7 trillion.
U.S. Treasury Department is now accepting Venmo and PayPal payments from those who want to donate money to reduce the nation's $36.7 trillion debt — NYP
July 25, 2025 at 6:42 PM
I'm gonna hit the Request button and ask for $36.7 trillion.
trying to find affordable tickets to a bills game (home or away)
a bald man wearing glasses is sitting in front of a wall and says `` i can 't '' .
ALT: a bald man wearing glasses is sitting in front of a wall and says `` i can 't '' .
media.tenor.com
May 16, 2025 at 1:24 AM
trying to find affordable tickets to a bills game (home or away)
I’m way better at dying Easter eggs than my kids.
April 20, 2025 at 2:09 PM
I’m way better at dying Easter eggs than my kids.
Go ahead and slap some tariffs on foreign goods! I can make everything from clothes to motorcycle parts out of good ol' american dog hair. I've got tons of it all over my house and I can feed my family with it!
April 3, 2025 at 5:32 PM
Go ahead and slap some tariffs on foreign goods! I can make everything from clothes to motorcycle parts out of good ol' american dog hair. I've got tons of it all over my house and I can feed my family with it!
All of this can be traced back to when they turned on the Large Hadron Collider.
April 1, 2025 at 3:28 PM
All of this can be traced back to when they turned on the Large Hadron Collider.
I’ve been playing a lot of guitar lately and I am THIS CLOSE to becoming that guy who is like, hey, want me to play some tunes? [indecipherable noodle noises]
March 29, 2025 at 1:58 AM
I’ve been playing a lot of guitar lately and I am THIS CLOSE to becoming that guy who is like, hey, want me to play some tunes? [indecipherable noodle noises]
Sorry I accidentally added the DoorDash driver to our group chat but all this talk about warring gave me a hankering for some general tso’s chicken. 👊 🍗 🔥
March 25, 2025 at 1:03 AM
Sorry I accidentally added the DoorDash driver to our group chat but all this talk about warring gave me a hankering for some general tso’s chicken. 👊 🍗 🔥
This gentleman on @chrislhayes.bsky.social’s show has a head of hair that would make any 1970s grandma jealous.
March 20, 2025 at 12:40 AM
This gentleman on @chrislhayes.bsky.social’s show has a head of hair that would make any 1970s grandma jealous.
There's an artificial line between my house and my neighbor's. I don't know who drew it, but my property would look beautiful if we removed that line and he just gave me his house. Then it's just ONE big, beautiful property tax bill that he could pay and I'd get to eat whatever is in his fridge.
March 13, 2025 at 6:33 PM
There's an artificial line between my house and my neighbor's. I don't know who drew it, but my property would look beautiful if we removed that line and he just gave me his house. Then it's just ONE big, beautiful property tax bill that he could pay and I'd get to eat whatever is in his fridge.
Sometimes I catch a ripe whiff from the kitchen trashcan, but I do nothing to rectify the situation because there's still a lot of room in the bag and I don't want it to go to waste. So I sit here smelling garbage until my wife comes home and says OMG IT STINKS IN HERE DON'T YOU SMELL THAT?
March 13, 2025 at 5:53 PM
Sometimes I catch a ripe whiff from the kitchen trashcan, but I do nothing to rectify the situation because there's still a lot of room in the bag and I don't want it to go to waste. So I sit here smelling garbage until my wife comes home and says OMG IT STINKS IN HERE DON'T YOU SMELL THAT?
Does he know we have this thing that Canada and America share called Niagara Falls? And that Niagara Falls generates a shload of electricity for southern Ontario and Western NY?
Who made the decision to share the power? Who knows, but that's what friends and allies who share a border do.
Who made the decision to share the power? Who knows, but that's what friends and allies who share a border do.
Trump is now pearly clutching about how Canadians could stoop so low as to use electricity as a bargaining chip.
Pretty rich coming from a guy threatening to annex several countries right now.
Pretty rich coming from a guy threatening to annex several countries right now.
March 11, 2025 at 3:46 PM
Does he know we have this thing that Canada and America share called Niagara Falls? And that Niagara Falls generates a shload of electricity for southern Ontario and Western NY?
Who made the decision to share the power? Who knows, but that's what friends and allies who share a border do.
Who made the decision to share the power? Who knows, but that's what friends and allies who share a border do.
So, would they have to take the U's out of honour and colour and favour? Would French become one of our national languages? va te faire foutre espèce de bâtard orange.
March 11, 2025 at 3:27 PM
So, would they have to take the U's out of honour and colour and favour? Would French become one of our national languages? va te faire foutre espèce de bâtard orange.
It feels kind of weird to be drinking my nighttime tea while it’s still light out, but here we are
March 10, 2025 at 11:27 PM
It feels kind of weird to be drinking my nighttime tea while it’s still light out, but here we are
Hey, I want you to meet someone. Jeff, this is Pete Calculators. Pete, Jeff Computers. Have you guys met Tom Abacus? Tom, come here! You gotta meet these dudes.
March 5, 2025 at 1:13 AM
Hey, I want you to meet someone. Jeff, this is Pete Calculators. Pete, Jeff Computers. Have you guys met Tom Abacus? Tom, come here! You gotta meet these dudes.
Well, I guess if you can get arrested and/or deported for peaceful protesting, might as well protest unpeacefully.
March 4, 2025 at 3:59 PM
Well, I guess if you can get arrested and/or deported for peaceful protesting, might as well protest unpeacefully.