mattharbert
@mattharbert.bsky.social
Comedy actor and writer. AFF 2nd rounder. Coverfly Red List. I ❤️ burritos. #prewga #sagaftra he/him Linktr.ee/mattharbert
Me: I wish my parents cared more about my acting career
Parents: As non-artists, we know very specifically what you should do as an actor
Me: *puts genie back into bottle*
Genie: I wish my parents cared about my genie career.
Parents: As non-artists, we know very specifically what you should do as an actor
Me: *puts genie back into bottle*
Genie: I wish my parents cared about my genie career.
August 24, 2025 at 4:58 AM
Me: I wish my parents cared more about my acting career
Parents: As non-artists, we know very specifically what you should do as an actor
Me: *puts genie back into bottle*
Genie: I wish my parents cared about my genie career.
Parents: As non-artists, we know very specifically what you should do as an actor
Me: *puts genie back into bottle*
Genie: I wish my parents cared about my genie career.
How many paper straws do I have to drink from to balance out 2 million liters of diesel?
August 6, 2025 at 4:49 AM
How many paper straws do I have to drink from to balance out 2 million liters of diesel?
Crazy that Grok is contributing to global warming. That’s like if Microsoft Bing was burning down rainforests.
July 21, 2025 at 9:47 PM
Crazy that Grok is contributing to global warming. That’s like if Microsoft Bing was burning down rainforests.
Reposted by mattharbert
Congrats to Stephen Colbert for never bending the knee.
July 17, 2025 at 11:59 PM
Congrats to Stephen Colbert for never bending the knee.
I love that there are people in LA that will DEMAND a stranger's time and advice and then there's me - who when asking a close friend an entertainment industry favor I feel like I'm going to throw up until they respond and aren't mad at me.
July 11, 2025 at 11:08 PM
I love that there are people in LA that will DEMAND a stranger's time and advice and then there's me - who when asking a close friend an entertainment industry favor I feel like I'm going to throw up until they respond and aren't mad at me.
X CEO Linda Yaccarino is now ex X CEO Linda Yaccarino. Rumors are she’s doing a sequel with Vin Diesel where she will be xXx CEO Linda Yaccarino.
July 9, 2025 at 9:24 PM
X CEO Linda Yaccarino is now ex X CEO Linda Yaccarino. Rumors are she’s doing a sequel with Vin Diesel where she will be xXx CEO Linda Yaccarino.
Hope everyone is enjoying the holiday!
July 5, 2025 at 10:01 PM
Hope everyone is enjoying the holiday!
Republican humor is making a cute fun name for a concentration camp.
July 2, 2025 at 4:54 PM
Republican humor is making a cute fun name for a concentration camp.
Democrats don’t like Democratic Socialists but voters do.
June 25, 2025 at 7:41 AM
Democrats don’t like Democratic Socialists but voters do.
We have the phrase “Preaching to the choir” but we don’t have one for “Preaching to the people that will never ever change their minds so just cut them out of your life.” Maybe it’s too wordy.
June 18, 2025 at 10:06 PM
We have the phrase “Preaching to the choir” but we don’t have one for “Preaching to the people that will never ever change their minds so just cut them out of your life.” Maybe it’s too wordy.
Mick Jagger dances like a baby and that’s a compliment
June 14, 2025 at 1:15 PM
Mick Jagger dances like a baby and that’s a compliment
I genuinely think al pastor could make racists less racist. You can’t hate that taste.
June 10, 2025 at 5:39 PM
I genuinely think al pastor could make racists less racist. You can’t hate that taste.
I just want to confirm that Los Angeles is in fact a very scary place and you should not drive up housing demands it’s vewy vewy scawwy
June 9, 2025 at 9:03 PM
I just want to confirm that Los Angeles is in fact a very scary place and you should not drive up housing demands it’s vewy vewy scawwy
Reposted by mattharbert
she’s like 15 feet away. absolutely that man’s whole thought process was: “I’m gonna shoot that woman”
June 9, 2025 at 2:10 AM
she’s like 15 feet away. absolutely that man’s whole thought process was: “I’m gonna shoot that woman”
Saw from a friend on FB
ICE AT NOHO TARGET
ICE AT NOHO TARGET
June 8, 2025 at 4:14 PM
Saw from a friend on FB
ICE AT NOHO TARGET
ICE AT NOHO TARGET
Finished the first draft of an unauthorized feature based off of a 1989 music video. It took forever. Please clap. #screenwriting #screenwriter
June 8, 2025 at 3:01 AM
Finished the first draft of an unauthorized feature based off of a 1989 music video. It took forever. Please clap. #screenwriting #screenwriter
I know this isn’t a new take but for right now - Thank god we don’t have emotional women in charge 🙄
June 5, 2025 at 10:11 PM
I know this isn’t a new take but for right now - Thank god we don’t have emotional women in charge 🙄
Made a smart choice not to make a Cider House Rules joke to my young sketch team
June 3, 2025 at 6:01 AM
Made a smart choice not to make a Cider House Rules joke to my young sketch team
Definitely have FOMO. Inside of me is one wolf.
May 30, 2025 at 7:11 PM
Definitely have FOMO. Inside of me is one wolf.
If you made $475 a day since the dinosaurs roamed the earth, you’d have to do a lot of math to know how much money you now have.
May 13, 2025 at 8:48 PM
If you made $475 a day since the dinosaurs roamed the earth, you’d have to do a lot of math to know how much money you now have.
The internet’s crazy, like “damn I made this thing for free that only made 100 people happy!” 😡
May 10, 2025 at 5:13 AM
The internet’s crazy, like “damn I made this thing for free that only made 100 people happy!” 😡
Growing up under the impression that more friends made blood handshakes. Not one blood handshake yet. Y’all doing blood handshake friendships while I’m home?
May 10, 2025 at 1:51 AM
Growing up under the impression that more friends made blood handshakes. Not one blood handshake yet. Y’all doing blood handshake friendships while I’m home?