@marlbroki.bsky.social
Reposted
Increasingly Powerful Trans Person Capable Of Using Every Single Bathroom At Once
Increasingly Powerful Trans Person Capable Of Using Every Single Bathroom At Once
EVERYWHERE—As the influence of the nation’s transgender individuals continues to encroach on the freedoms of the U.S. populace, sources confirmed Tuesday that increasingly powerful trans person Tori R...
theonion.com
May 7, 2025 at 9:59 PM
Increasingly Powerful Trans Person Capable Of Using Every Single Bathroom At Once
Reposted
CDC Officials Announce Free Ice Cream For Everyone, Delicious Tasty Ice Cream, And Also There Is An Ebola Outbreak
theonion.com/cdc-off...
theonion.com/cdc-off...
May 4, 2025 at 7:00 PM
CDC Officials Announce Free Ice Cream For Everyone, Delicious Tasty Ice Cream, And Also There Is An Ebola Outbreak
theonion.com/cdc-off...
theonion.com/cdc-off...
Reposted
Badass Surgeon Puts On Fingerless Latex Gloves Before Operating
April 28, 2025 at 4:00 PM
Badass Surgeon Puts On Fingerless Latex Gloves Before Operating
Reposted
‘Show Me Where You Make Autism!’ Shouts RFK Jr., Storming Sour Patch Kids Factory theonion.com/show-me...
‘Show Me Where You Make Autism!’ Shouts RFK Jr., Storming Sour Patch Kids Factory
EAST HANOVER, NJ—As part of the health secretary’s highly publicized pledge to determine the cause of the disorder in the next five months, a wild-eyed Robert F. Kennedy Jr. reportedly shouted “Show me where autism is made!” Thursday while storming the Sour Patch Kid factory. “Attention Sour Patch Factory people: Give me the autism and no […]
theonion.com
April 17, 2025 at 9:00 PM
‘Show Me Where You Make Autism!’ Shouts RFK Jr., Storming Sour Patch Kids Factory theonion.com/show-me...
Reposted
Reposted
Excited for all the new American banana and coffee factories.
April 5, 2025 at 2:45 AM
Excited for all the new American banana and coffee factories.
Reposted
Parents Gently Explain To Child That Their Money In Heaven Now
Parents Gently Explain To Child That Their Money In Heaven Now
HUNTSVILLE, AL—In an effort to comfort the child by telling her the funds had gone to a far better place, local parents Blake and Allison McKee gently explained to their daughter Friday that their mon...
theonion.com
April 4, 2025 at 9:30 PM
Parents Gently Explain To Child That Their Money In Heaven Now
Reposted
FBI Uncovers Al-Qaeda Plot To Just Sit Back And Enjoy Collapse Of United States
FBI Uncovers Al-Qaeda Plot To Just Sit Back And Enjoy Collapse Of United States
WASHINGTON—Putting the nation on alert against what it has described as a “highly credible terrorist threat,” the FBI announced today that it has uncovered a plot by members of al-Qaeda to sit back an...
theonion.com
April 3, 2025 at 3:36 PM
FBI Uncovers Al-Qaeda Plot To Just Sit Back And Enjoy Collapse Of United States
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Pete Hegseth Blows Into Breathalyzer To Unlock Phone
Pete Hegseth Blows Into Breathalyzer To Unlock Phone
WASHINGTON—Grumbling to himself as he repeatedly dropped the device, U.S. Secretary of Defense Pete Hegseth was reportedly blowing into a Breathalyzer Thursday in an attempt to unlock his phone. “Stup...
theonion.com
March 27, 2025 at 3:30 PM
Pete Hegseth Blows Into Breathalyzer To Unlock Phone
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Teen Warned Not To Accept Group Chat Invites From National Security Advisors She Doesn’t Know
March 26, 2025 at 3:00 PM
Teen Warned Not To Accept Group Chat Invites From National Security Advisors She Doesn’t Know
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Spray-Painted Penis Only Thing Holding Cybertruck Together
March 24, 2025 at 6:00 PM
Spray-Painted Penis Only Thing Holding Cybertruck Together
Reposted
Timeline cleanse 🌞
March 24, 2025 at 1:11 AM
Timeline cleanse 🌞
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AOC: In every single stop that Bernie and I have had in the past couple of days… every single stop has completely blown out all attendance projections.
March 22, 2025 at 8:13 PM
AOC: In every single stop that Bernie and I have had in the past couple of days… every single stop has completely blown out all attendance projections.
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Tonight an unbelievable **34,000 people** gathered for our Denver rally to take on billionaires and win our country back.
This was the largest political gathering in Denver since Obama in 2008.
Also bigger than the 2024 DNC.
And the largest ever rally in Bernie’s career (and obviously, mine too).
This was the largest political gathering in Denver since Obama in 2008.
Also bigger than the 2024 DNC.
And the largest ever rally in Bernie’s career (and obviously, mine too).
March 22, 2025 at 1:29 AM
Tonight an unbelievable **34,000 people** gathered for our Denver rally to take on billionaires and win our country back.
This was the largest political gathering in Denver since Obama in 2008.
Also bigger than the 2024 DNC.
And the largest ever rally in Bernie’s career (and obviously, mine too).
This was the largest political gathering in Denver since Obama in 2008.
Also bigger than the 2024 DNC.
And the largest ever rally in Bernie’s career (and obviously, mine too).
Reposted
We expected 2,000 people out in GOP-held Greeley, Colorado.
11,000 people showed up.
Something special is happening, folks. Now is the time to organize in every dimension possible and get to work.
11,000 people showed up.
Something special is happening, folks. Now is the time to organize in every dimension possible and get to work.
Overflow crowd for Bernie/AOC rally in Greeley, CO — the small one today, big one is in Denver later
March 21, 2025 at 9:23 PM
We expected 2,000 people out in GOP-held Greeley, Colorado.
11,000 people showed up.
Something special is happening, folks. Now is the time to organize in every dimension possible and get to work.
11,000 people showed up.
Something special is happening, folks. Now is the time to organize in every dimension possible and get to work.
Reposted
Trump’s North American Tariffs: Myth Vs. Fact
theonion.com/trumps-...
theonion.com/trumps-...
March 19, 2025 at 7:00 PM
Trump’s North American Tariffs: Myth Vs. Fact
theonion.com/trumps-...
theonion.com/trumps-...
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⚡️FIGHT THE OLIGARCHY RALLY ⚡️
STARTING TOMORROW.
Nevada. Arizona. Colorado.
You, me, and Bernie.
Dem and GOP districts. ❤️💙
See you there 💪🏽🌞
STARTING TOMORROW.
Nevada. Arizona. Colorado.
You, me, and Bernie.
Dem and GOP districts. ❤️💙
See you there 💪🏽🌞
March 19, 2025 at 2:45 PM
⚡️FIGHT THE OLIGARCHY RALLY ⚡️
STARTING TOMORROW.
Nevada. Arizona. Colorado.
You, me, and Bernie.
Dem and GOP districts. ❤️💙
See you there 💪🏽🌞
STARTING TOMORROW.
Nevada. Arizona. Colorado.
You, me, and Bernie.
Dem and GOP districts. ❤️💙
See you there 💪🏽🌞
Reposted
Egg Companies Assure Customers Dozen Has Always Meant 9 theonion.com/egg-companie...
Egg Companies Assure Customers Dozen Has Always Meant 9
JACKSON, MS—Seeking to assuage consumer concerns about dwindling supplies, the nation’s egg companies reportedly assured shoppers this week that a dozen has always meant nine. “While we have seen some...
theonion.com
March 15, 2025 at 1:15 AM
Egg Companies Assure Customers Dozen Has Always Meant 9 theonion.com/egg-companie...
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“If everything goes right, none of you will be able to afford food, housing, or retirement ever again.” theonion.com/trump-says-r...
Trump Says Recession Unfortunate But Necessary Step To Get To Depression
WASHINGTON—Warning that Americans should brace themselves for an economic “period of transition,” President Donald Trump told reporters Monday that a recession would be an unfortunate but necessary st...
theonion.com
March 11, 2025 at 12:32 AM
“If everything goes right, none of you will be able to afford food, housing, or retirement ever again.” theonion.com/trump-says-r...
Reposted
NOAA Cuts Leave Wind Chimes As Sole Predictor Of Approaching Hurricanes
NOAA Cuts Leave Wind Chimes As Sole Predictor Of Approaching Hurricanes
SILVER SPRING, MD—As mass firings of career experts and scientists continued to roil the federal government, officials confirmed Friday that cuts to the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration...
theonion.com
February 28, 2025 at 8:01 PM
NOAA Cuts Leave Wind Chimes As Sole Predictor Of Approaching Hurricanes
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Reposted
What Scholz refused to say for three years, the incoming ruling party CDU says on day 1 after the election:
“Ukraine must win the war!”
“Ukraine must win the war!”
February 24, 2025 at 9:37 AM
What Scholz refused to say for three years, the incoming ruling party CDU says on day 1 after the election:
“Ukraine must win the war!”
“Ukraine must win the war!”
Reposted
It may not be cool or hip in some circles, but we legitimately do need a massive amount of people to run for office.
Flood the school boards, councils, county seats, state legislatures, Congress, etc.
Big changes at the top happen when the ground shifts at the bottom. And that can start now.
Flood the school boards, councils, county seats, state legislatures, Congress, etc.
Big changes at the top happen when the ground shifts at the bottom. And that can start now.
February 22, 2025 at 8:07 PM
It may not be cool or hip in some circles, but we legitimately do need a massive amount of people to run for office.
Flood the school boards, councils, county seats, state legislatures, Congress, etc.
Big changes at the top happen when the ground shifts at the bottom. And that can start now.
Flood the school boards, councils, county seats, state legislatures, Congress, etc.
Big changes at the top happen when the ground shifts at the bottom. And that can start now.
Reposted
It is perfectly legal to know your rights and to educate others about them, too.
EVERYONE in the United States, citizen or not, has rights. I will not allow this administration to intimidate us from helping you know about them.
Here’s our shareable guide ⬇️: (pt. 1/2)
EVERYONE in the United States, citizen or not, has rights. I will not allow this administration to intimidate us from helping you know about them.
Here’s our shareable guide ⬇️: (pt. 1/2)
February 14, 2025 at 11:47 PM
It is perfectly legal to know your rights and to educate others about them, too.
EVERYONE in the United States, citizen or not, has rights. I will not allow this administration to intimidate us from helping you know about them.
Here’s our shareable guide ⬇️: (pt. 1/2)
EVERYONE in the United States, citizen or not, has rights. I will not allow this administration to intimidate us from helping you know about them.
Here’s our shareable guide ⬇️: (pt. 1/2)
Reposted
Trump Claims He Can Overrule Constitution With Executive Order Because Of Little-Known ‘No One Will Stop Me’ Loophole
Trump Claims He Can Overrule Constitution With Executive Order Because Of Little-Known ‘No One Will Stop Me’ Loophole
WASHINGTON—Saying his latest executive order was legal due to an “underutilized but totally feasible workaround,” President Trump claimed Tuesday that he could overrule the U.S. Constitution by means ...
theonion.com
February 8, 2025 at 4:56 PM
Trump Claims He Can Overrule Constitution With Executive Order Because Of Little-Known ‘No One Will Stop Me’ Loophole