Friendly reminder: If you can fold a fitted sheet, you are in fact a witch. Go wrap presents nicely and leave us mortals alone.
October 26, 2025 at 3:41 AM
Friendly reminder: If you can fold a fitted sheet, you are in fact a witch. Go wrap presents nicely and leave us mortals alone.
Hotpot is 'Self checkout HuHot'.
October 25, 2025 at 1:21 AM
Hotpot is 'Self checkout HuHot'.
Reposted by Marcus Woodard
These people who say Kirk was out there "debating," ... Jesus Christ, nobody debates. Nobody. Nobody. Nobody knows what debate is now. I learned to debate. Like the Greeks. Debate is a form of war. What Kirk did is closer to cross-examining an unprepared witness, or a talk-show host in the audience.
September 14, 2025 at 2:15 PM
These people who say Kirk was out there "debating," ... Jesus Christ, nobody debates. Nobody. Nobody. Nobody knows what debate is now. I learned to debate. Like the Greeks. Debate is a form of war. What Kirk did is closer to cross-examining an unprepared witness, or a talk-show host in the audience.
Reposted by Marcus Woodard
I got fired from the sperm bank yesterday.
Apparently you’re not allowed to nudge the nearest co-worker and say “get a load of this guy” every time someone walks in.
Apparently you’re not allowed to nudge the nearest co-worker and say “get a load of this guy” every time someone walks in.
August 29, 2025 at 9:25 PM
I got fired from the sperm bank yesterday.
Apparently you’re not allowed to nudge the nearest co-worker and say “get a load of this guy” every time someone walks in.
Apparently you’re not allowed to nudge the nearest co-worker and say “get a load of this guy” every time someone walks in.
LinkedIn is the worst social network, if for no other reason, it shows who viewed your page. I want to see how ex-coworkers are doing and say "That's one way to say 'was a micromanaging kiss ass.'."
August 16, 2025 at 3:59 AM
LinkedIn is the worst social network, if for no other reason, it shows who viewed your page. I want to see how ex-coworkers are doing and say "That's one way to say 'was a micromanaging kiss ass.'."
@dicknixon.bsky.social Mr. President, could Rubio perhaps misunderstood what he was getting into?
www.politico.com/news/2025/07...
www.politico.com/news/2025/07...
Venezuelan Little League team denied entry into US amid Trump travel ban
The team will not be able to play in the Senior League World Series in South Carolina.
www.politico.com
July 27, 2025 at 1:35 AM
@dicknixon.bsky.social Mr. President, could Rubio perhaps misunderstood what he was getting into?
www.politico.com/news/2025/07...
www.politico.com/news/2025/07...
Reposted by Marcus Woodard
If something of note was on that goddamn list, it would've leaked by now. Focus on the fact that he's raping public education, terrorizing immigrants, and allowing the idiot Kennedy boy to set public health back seventy-five years.
July 16, 2025 at 1:28 AM
If something of note was on that goddamn list, it would've leaked by now. Focus on the fact that he's raping public education, terrorizing immigrants, and allowing the idiot Kennedy boy to set public health back seventy-five years.
You: Marcus, do you like mayonnaise?
Me: No. Gross!
You: What if we add half a pound of crab meat to it and deep fry it?
Me: Oh OK, fuck yeah!
Me: No. Gross!
You: What if we add half a pound of crab meat to it and deep fry it?
Me: Oh OK, fuck yeah!
June 27, 2025 at 2:41 PM
You: Marcus, do you like mayonnaise?
Me: No. Gross!
You: What if we add half a pound of crab meat to it and deep fry it?
Me: Oh OK, fuck yeah!
Me: No. Gross!
You: What if we add half a pound of crab meat to it and deep fry it?
Me: Oh OK, fuck yeah!
Ok. I thought I was an adult. I have a house, pay for my own Netflix, Prime, etc.
Then I went to my family reunion.
Next level up is a bedroom, not (your TV room) with a bed (not a couch), and matching sheets (blanket I've had since college).
I am a fucking child.
Then I went to my family reunion.
Next level up is a bedroom, not (your TV room) with a bed (not a couch), and matching sheets (blanket I've had since college).
I am a fucking child.
June 23, 2025 at 3:12 AM
Ok. I thought I was an adult. I have a house, pay for my own Netflix, Prime, etc.
Then I went to my family reunion.
Next level up is a bedroom, not (your TV room) with a bed (not a couch), and matching sheets (blanket I've had since college).
I am a fucking child.
Then I went to my family reunion.
Next level up is a bedroom, not (your TV room) with a bed (not a couch), and matching sheets (blanket I've had since college).
I am a fucking child.
Where's Secretary Kennedy on the biggest scam from Big Food of all?
Sweet potato fries are NOT worth an upcharge.
Sweet potato fries are NOT worth an upcharge.
June 13, 2025 at 12:00 AM
Where's Secretary Kennedy on the biggest scam from Big Food of all?
Sweet potato fries are NOT worth an upcharge.
Sweet potato fries are NOT worth an upcharge.
Reposted by Marcus Woodard
‘What matters is precisely this: the unspoken on the edge of the spoken.’ - Virginia Woolf
I have half a mind to develop a class about this, I’m pretty sick of reading new plays where people say what they mean all the time, and at length 🙄
I have half a mind to develop a class about this, I’m pretty sick of reading new plays where people say what they mean all the time, and at length 🙄
May 15, 2025 at 1:05 AM
‘What matters is precisely this: the unspoken on the edge of the spoken.’ - Virginia Woolf
I have half a mind to develop a class about this, I’m pretty sick of reading new plays where people say what they mean all the time, and at length 🙄
I have half a mind to develop a class about this, I’m pretty sick of reading new plays where people say what they mean all the time, and at length 🙄
Malort is now communion wine.
May 8, 2025 at 6:08 PM
Malort is now communion wine.
There is great appetite for the far right in this country. It can’t be minimized or ignored. The one thing that might prevent it taking hold is the refusal to spend money. I’ve said it before. You can’t promise nationalism while making people poorer.
April 30, 2025 at 1:27 PM
Taco egg rolls.
Someone get on this and make it a thing.
Someone get on this and make it a thing.
April 30, 2025 at 4:36 AM
Taco egg rolls.
Someone get on this and make it a thing.
Someone get on this and make it a thing.
If you're committed to doing something profoundly stupid, you need to have Matt on your team. He will make sure that you do it in a way that doesn't ruin your business, make everyone look for new jobs, and have everyone hate you, your team, your spouses, pets, and children.
April 27, 2025 at 5:33 AM
If you're committed to doing something profoundly stupid, you need to have Matt on your team. He will make sure that you do it in a way that doesn't ruin your business, make everyone look for new jobs, and have everyone hate you, your team, your spouses, pets, and children.
Half of these names I believe are old timey cocktails.
Here’s the field for the 2025 Kentucky Derby! #RacingSky 🏇
April 27, 2025 at 5:13 AM
Half of these names I believe are old timey cocktails.
@lyndonbajohnson.bsky.social Mr. President, with Durbin announcing retirement, do you see Pritzker pivoting to a Senate seat if he doesn't see a path to the Democratic nomination?
April 23, 2025 at 7:59 PM
@lyndonbajohnson.bsky.social Mr. President, with Durbin announcing retirement, do you see Pritzker pivoting to a Senate seat if he doesn't see a path to the Democratic nomination?
@dicknixon.bsky.social Mr. President, with Durbin announcing retirement, do you see Pritzker pivoting to a Senate seat if he doesn't see a path to the Democratic nomination?
April 23, 2025 at 7:59 PM
@dicknixon.bsky.social Mr. President, with Durbin announcing retirement, do you see Pritzker pivoting to a Senate seat if he doesn't see a path to the Democratic nomination?
Friendly reminder guys:
A moustache by itself is not a personality.
A moustache by itself is not a personality.
April 17, 2025 at 9:07 PM
Friendly reminder guys:
A moustache by itself is not a personality.
A moustache by itself is not a personality.
Just in case it wasn't clear where I'm at:
- Fuck Donald Trump.
- The 'oopsies' deportations should end his term with impeachment.
- Peeps are trash.
- Fuck Donald Trump.
- The 'oopsies' deportations should end his term with impeachment.
- Peeps are trash.
April 17, 2025 at 12:16 AM
Just in case it wasn't clear where I'm at:
- Fuck Donald Trump.
- The 'oopsies' deportations should end his term with impeachment.
- Peeps are trash.
- Fuck Donald Trump.
- The 'oopsies' deportations should end his term with impeachment.
- Peeps are trash.
How is it legal to place cinnamon raisin bagels next to blueberry bagels?
How many people need to get hosed on this before we say "No more?!"
How many people need to get hosed on this before we say "No more?!"
April 13, 2025 at 9:49 PM
How is it legal to place cinnamon raisin bagels next to blueberry bagels?
How many people need to get hosed on this before we say "No more?!"
How many people need to get hosed on this before we say "No more?!"
I would first believe Meghan Markle would eat bad fish, shit for three days, and not try to get a podcast deal with The Paul Brothers before another Fyre Festival happens in summer 2025.
April 8, 2025 at 4:57 AM
I would first believe Meghan Markle would eat bad fish, shit for three days, and not try to get a podcast deal with The Paul Brothers before another Fyre Festival happens in summer 2025.
@dicknixon.bsky.social writing for this guy now?
April 4, 2025 at 2:41 PM
@dicknixon.bsky.social writing for this guy now?
Make-A-Reasonable-Request Foundation Provides Sick Child With Decent Seats To Minnesota Timberwolves Game
theonion.com/make-a-...
theonion.com/make-a-...
March 30, 2025 at 4:07 PM