Well either I definitely have rabies or it’s just a Wednesday pretty hard to tell anymore

Hey guys I know it's really hard to be conscious of your health right now, so please remember that after every hour muttering “wtf” to yourself while scrolling on your phone you should stand up and banshee scream for at least 5 minutes to stretch out your lower back

spot on, Shaggy

#RealMonsters

#MonstersInc

I think DoorDash is simply too much power for me to wield. Like until now my life has been predicated on a very delicate balance of simply being too lazy to act on most of my ridiculous cravings, and now I fear all is lost

7 Stages of Pen Grief:

1. Realizing it doesn't work
2. Scribbling on the notebook
3. Scribbling harder on some cardboard or whatever
4. Looking at the full ink reservoir and frowning
5. Sucking on the ballpoint
6. Scribbling on the notebook some more
7. Throwing it across the room

me: idk man I’m always tired when I should be awake and wide awake when I should be tired and I just wanna eat and puke and cry and fight everyone all at the same time and I can’t tell if I’m sick or if I’m just getting old and…

waiter: i meant “are you okay over here” as in do you need more water

Please be extra kind to the void today, there’s a lot of people out there screaming and the lines aren’t the void’s fault

School shootings: “there’s no way to prevent this”

TikTok Ban: “deal reached in less than 12 hours”

An escape room but it’s just your nice warm car with your favorite songs on shuffle and the actual world is outside

Down with *UnitedWealthCare* Up with Universal Health Care. 💙

Sorry we’re not riding at dawn. We’re having coffee and catastrophizing the day at dawn. Then we’re doing Wordle. Then we’re doing 35 minutes of doomscrolling, then we’re taking the longest hottest shower, then we’re sitting on the edge of the bed staring at nothing for a while, THEN maybe we ride.

Sunday comic.