Jake Malloy
@malloyniumfalcon.bsky.social
Reposted by Jake Malloy
Buried in the polls, with every American screaming for the Epstein files, the walls are closing in on Tangerine Palpatine.
Sending troops to every city you can in a desperate attempt to make martial law happen is not strength. It’s the last gasp of a dying regime.
Sending troops to every city you can in a desperate attempt to make martial law happen is not strength. It’s the last gasp of a dying regime.
October 7, 2025 at 1:27 AM
Buried in the polls, with every American screaming for the Epstein files, the walls are closing in on Tangerine Palpatine.
Sending troops to every city you can in a desperate attempt to make martial law happen is not strength. It’s the last gasp of a dying regime.
Sending troops to every city you can in a desperate attempt to make martial law happen is not strength. It’s the last gasp of a dying regime.
“Surely online dating can’t be THAT bad,” you say
October 5, 2025 at 8:46 PM
“Surely online dating can’t be THAT bad,” you say
Reposted by Jake Malloy
The stock market is tanking so badly it almost feels like we are being governed by someone who went bankrupt six tim—
Oh.
Oh.
April 4, 2025 at 6:58 PM
The stock market is tanking so badly it almost feels like we are being governed by someone who went bankrupt six tim—
Oh.
Oh.
Finished #OnyxStorm and I just realized I missed an opportunity for all the times Xaden sexily growls “Mine” to Violet. I should’ve been picturing him saying it like the seagulls in Finding Nemo instead.
March 20, 2025 at 5:27 AM
Finished #OnyxStorm and I just realized I missed an opportunity for all the times Xaden sexily growls “Mine” to Violet. I should’ve been picturing him saying it like the seagulls in Finding Nemo instead.
Reposted by Jake Malloy
"They'll never cut Social Security" is the new "they'll never overturn Roe v Wade."
March 5, 2025 at 4:20 PM
"They'll never cut Social Security" is the new "they'll never overturn Roe v Wade."
Reposted by Jake Malloy
I don't get how Dracula and Frankenstein have time to make cereal in between terrorizing the villagers
February 26, 2025 at 3:51 PM
I don't get how Dracula and Frankenstein have time to make cereal in between terrorizing the villagers
Reposted by Jake Malloy
This is what the government did with 120K+ Japanese Americans in 1942.
I know. I was there in those camps.
I know. I was there in those camps.
January 31, 2025 at 7:11 PM
This is what the government did with 120K+ Japanese Americans in 1942.
I know. I was there in those camps.
I know. I was there in those camps.
Reposted by Jake Malloy
i just cannot get over how much the administration’s response to the crash shows a profound disrespect for the lives of the people they are supposed to serve
January 31, 2025 at 3:15 AM
i just cannot get over how much the administration’s response to the crash shows a profound disrespect for the lives of the people they are supposed to serve
Reposted by Jake Malloy
“What’s the site? The water? You want me to go swimming??”
This was Trump’s response when asked if he had visited the site of the deadly DC plane crash.
The very same ghoulish sociopath who said “it is what it is” when he was asked about 1,000 Americans dying a day from Covid.
This was Trump’s response when asked if he had visited the site of the deadly DC plane crash.
The very same ghoulish sociopath who said “it is what it is” when he was asked about 1,000 Americans dying a day from Covid.
February 1, 2025 at 12:37 AM
“What’s the site? The water? You want me to go swimming??”
This was Trump’s response when asked if he had visited the site of the deadly DC plane crash.
The very same ghoulish sociopath who said “it is what it is” when he was asked about 1,000 Americans dying a day from Covid.
This was Trump’s response when asked if he had visited the site of the deadly DC plane crash.
The very same ghoulish sociopath who said “it is what it is” when he was asked about 1,000 Americans dying a day from Covid.
Decided to make a tuna melt for dinner but forgot that every single ingredient is Kugel’s favorite, so I’ve been fending off a furry bandit the entire time.
Bread? Love it.
Tuna? Yes, please.
Cheese? CHEEEEEEEESE!!!
Mayo? I DON’T KNOW WHAT THIS IS BUT I’MMA STICK MY FACE IN THE TUB!
Bread? Love it.
Tuna? Yes, please.
Cheese? CHEEEEEEEESE!!!
Mayo? I DON’T KNOW WHAT THIS IS BUT I’MMA STICK MY FACE IN THE TUB!
January 22, 2025 at 4:23 AM
Decided to make a tuna melt for dinner but forgot that every single ingredient is Kugel’s favorite, so I’ve been fending off a furry bandit the entire time.
Bread? Love it.
Tuna? Yes, please.
Cheese? CHEEEEEEEESE!!!
Mayo? I DON’T KNOW WHAT THIS IS BUT I’MMA STICK MY FACE IN THE TUB!
Bread? Love it.
Tuna? Yes, please.
Cheese? CHEEEEEEEESE!!!
Mayo? I DON’T KNOW WHAT THIS IS BUT I’MMA STICK MY FACE IN THE TUB!
Reposted by Jake Malloy
Back on the grind tomorrow
January 20, 2025 at 11:26 PM
Back on the grind tomorrow
My genius is underappreciated in my family group chat, so I need the approval of strangers on the internet to make up for it
January 13, 2025 at 5:38 PM
My genius is underappreciated in my family group chat, so I need the approval of strangers on the internet to make up for it
Reposted by Jake Malloy
This is Douglas. He frew up. Still 12/10
December 20, 2024 at 5:42 PM
This is Douglas. He frew up. Still 12/10
Happy #TuesdayThe17th to all my fellow Psych-Os! 🍍
December 18, 2024 at 1:08 AM
Happy #TuesdayThe17th to all my fellow Psych-Os! 🍍
Still can’t believe I lost Whamageddon yesterday by using Tinder’s Music Explore option
a man in a reindeer costume is holding a gift
ALT: a man in a reindeer costume is holding a gift
media.tenor.com
December 9, 2024 at 6:24 PM
Still can’t believe I lost Whamageddon yesterday by using Tinder’s Music Explore option
Reposted by Jake Malloy
Cut him some slack he’s only had 8 years to think about this.
Welker: Do you have an actual plan at this point for health care?
Trump: Yes. We have concepts of a plan that will be better.
Welker: Still just concepts? Do you have a fully developed plan?
Trump: Yes. We have concepts of a plan that will be better.
Welker: Still just concepts? Do you have a fully developed plan?
December 8, 2024 at 9:54 PM
Cut him some slack he’s only had 8 years to think about this.
Reposted by Jake Malloy
The fact that Disney bought Star Wars and bought the Muppets and haven’t done a Muppets Star Wars is a crime.
December 6, 2024 at 3:39 PM
The fact that Disney bought Star Wars and bought the Muppets and haven’t done a Muppets Star Wars is a crime.
Tipping my fedora while mispronouncing the name “Melanie”
December 5, 2024 at 10:31 PM
Tipping my fedora while mispronouncing the name “Melanie”
Reposted by Jake Malloy
This is Jazz. She was looking at you. Then you looked at her so she looked away. Wants you to stop looking at her so she can keep looking at you. 12/10
December 5, 2024 at 8:11 PM
This is Jazz. She was looking at you. Then you looked at her so she looked away. Wants you to stop looking at her so she can keep looking at you. 12/10
Reposted by Jake Malloy
Biden didn’t pardon Hunter until Trump said he would appoint Kash Patel as head of the FBI.
Kash Patel has openly admitted he would abuse the power of law enforcement to go after Trump’s enemies.
Why doesn’t anybody recognize that the person who is breaking norms and abusing power is TRUMP?
Kash Patel has openly admitted he would abuse the power of law enforcement to go after Trump’s enemies.
Why doesn’t anybody recognize that the person who is breaking norms and abusing power is TRUMP?
December 3, 2024 at 3:29 PM
Biden didn’t pardon Hunter until Trump said he would appoint Kash Patel as head of the FBI.
Kash Patel has openly admitted he would abuse the power of law enforcement to go after Trump’s enemies.
Why doesn’t anybody recognize that the person who is breaking norms and abusing power is TRUMP?
Kash Patel has openly admitted he would abuse the power of law enforcement to go after Trump’s enemies.
Why doesn’t anybody recognize that the person who is breaking norms and abusing power is TRUMP?
Reposted by Jake Malloy
TRUMP: I’m going to use the FBI illegally to go after my political enemies!
BIDEN: Um, I guess I’ll pardon my son then because fuck that.
MEDIA: Biden is breaking norms!
BIDEN: Um, I guess I’ll pardon my son then because fuck that.
MEDIA: Biden is breaking norms!
December 3, 2024 at 5:41 PM
TRUMP: I’m going to use the FBI illegally to go after my political enemies!
BIDEN: Um, I guess I’ll pardon my son then because fuck that.
MEDIA: Biden is breaking norms!
BIDEN: Um, I guess I’ll pardon my son then because fuck that.
MEDIA: Biden is breaking norms!
Cracked the Tinder code
November 30, 2024 at 8:56 PM
Cracked the Tinder code
Thoughts and prayers for those of us whose relatives are going to ask us why we’re still single today
November 28, 2024 at 10:03 PM
Thoughts and prayers for those of us whose relatives are going to ask us why we’re still single today