Being queer doesn’t mean you have to get married. Me and Mariella? We’re Goldie & Kurt gay—deeply in love, raising a kid, sharing a Costco membership, and legally just two passionate roommates with joint custody of a Roomba.

Me: I’m prob gonna have to be a girl again because they’re gonna ban me getting testosterone

GF: nah, you’ll just get your T at the gym like everyone did in 2012. ROMANTICIZE GETTING YOUR T AT THE GYM AGAIN

Ma’am, I am not trying to go on a prohibition-era T hunt. I want my gym to stay Walgreens.

My daughter’s got three parents: a dyke sex and culture writer, an award-winning gay author, and a trans blue-collar warehouse worker. So, she’s equipped with high-level intellectual commentary, award-winning storytelling, and the best DIY advice money can’t buy. #transdad #dykemom #gaypapa

My daughter turned one yesterday, celebrated by getting 4 shots at the doctor, and then double-fisted two cupcakes like a champ. Nothing says ‘toddler resilience’ like sugar-fueled revenge.

Assign ICE to Uvalde police duty and voilà—deportations stop, schools stay safe, and we finally see incompetence used for the greater good!

Raising a Philadelphia Eagles fan means teaching my kid that green isn’t just a color—it’s a lifestyle. Fly, Eagles, Fly! 🦅 #EaglesNation #GoBirds #FlyEaglesFly

Who knew the real resistance was just flooding inboxes with bad takes and unsolicited K-pop content? Honestly, this is the kind of guerilla warfare we need. ✨ #DisruptTheSystem

Being trans and loving the Eagles means I know all about transitioning—between downs, identities, and screaming at the refs. Fly Eagles Fly! 🦅 #eagles

Trying to get my almost-one-year-old to walk using two chairs and blueberries. Turns out, my transition isn’t the only thing requiring patience—toddlers take their sweet time too. #ParentingWhileTrans #TransDad

Hard to argue with this. Turns out the call is coming from inside the house.

Trump firing watchdogs is like unplugging the smoke alarm while holding a flamethrower—totally normal, nothing to see here.

They’re confiscating passports over gender marker changes now, like matching my ID to my gender is a global emergency. Relax, Karen, I’m not smuggling state secrets—I’m just trying to go on vacation as myself.

Don’t forget your weekly dose of liquid courage—aka your T shot! Because nothing says ‘I’m thriving’ like stabbing yourself and becoming just a little more yourself. 💉🌲 (Yes, that’s moss growing on my needle—I’m that connected to nature.) Take your shot, kings, and stay sharp!

Costco’s keeping DEI alive and well, proving that inclusion pairs perfectly with a $1.50 hot dog.

Egg prices are so high I caught myself eyeing a robin’s nest like, ‘You paying rent for that, or…?’ 👀 At this rate, I’ll be giving Swayze a single egg for her birthday and calling it generational wealth.

My girlfriend (famously not my wife) has set a rule: Swayze and I have to leave all our sticks & rocks in the box outside after our hikes. She says, ‘This is a house, not a forest.’ Bold parenting from someone who fell in love w/ two professional stick collectors disguised as a butch and a toddler.

Trans people are like trees: we grow in unexpected directions, thrive under the right conditions, and are absolutely essential to the forest. Also, we’re really good at standing tall and making cis people question their place in the ecosystem.

Full-time butch, part-time stick enthusiast. Where do I sign up for the flannel fan club and the ‘Best Ax Throwing Technique’ thread? Asking for the forest. 🪓