so i went into the date prepared to share, the gummy bear diet and everything. however, this whole discussion ended up being moot because the guy did not ask me about my day throughout the whole date 🤡

like, how unhinged would i come off if i was honest about it? would i look desperate or too eager to please? eventually i decided that it is too funny not to share if they consider this a red flag we are probably not a fit.

so i went through the terrible prep process for the colonoscopy, and went to an all-you-can-eat hotpot immediately after bc i was starving, and went to the date - we were just getting ice cream. on the drive there, i discussed at length whether to share with my date that i had just had a colonoscopy

(David Attenborough voice) now that the little koala has found enough eucalyptus to stave off withdrawal, he is free to focus on his other favorite pastime: having chlamydia

he woke up, realized the situation and profusely apologized. he then proceeded to devour two entire bags of m&ms. i usually eat them (the big boys with almonds inside) one by one but he is inhaling 10 at a time. why am i finding this so attractive

also stop asking me about mario. it’s actually incredibly offensive. luigi has his own life and it’s not always about my brother