[Within the first week, the pics would reveal that I put packing tape over the little, already-rusted "H" to keep it from falling off again]

[imagining me acquiring one, somehow, and sending you pics of me just shoving my random shit in it, chucking it in my car's filthy backseat, and later putting it on cafe chairs so I can put my feet up without getting the chairs dirty, etc.]

What if they procreated? Omg

Landman: Hybrid Origins

Using traditional English grammar where the nominative follows copular verbs is such a brutal flex.

I'm starting to suspect that that message from Trump in Epstein's "Congratulations on being a 50-year-old pedophile" birthday book was not really forged.

I know, right? What else could explain Brian urlacher?

BRING 👏 BACK 👏 AUTOMATOR 👏

Whenever you ask a conservative how their stated policy goals will make life better for people, you usually catch them flat-footed. They forgot that that's supposed to be the goal, and they have to quickly recall the reverse-engineered justification they've adopted for their horseshit.

Now I'm sure you can dunk.

"You think we have it bad, kids? I just spoke to your aunt Joan from Crystal Lake. It got so bad from them, they actually moved to outer space. Well guess what."

You have been hiding for too long. Your country needs you, Agent K (codename: Supposed Dunker).

This probably would have been funnier if I hadn't gone so gross. Maybe the punchline should have been, "and now I'm on a stage and Erika Kirk is putting my hand on her face???" Yeah, I like that better. Oh well. At least I and everyone else will be dead one day.

The more practical adults in the room know this is always the best strategy.