Fortnightly I think about the fact that Five Finger Death Punch is the stupidest band name possible and the dudes that like them must think they’re super hardos, but it sounds like something a third grader whose dad let him play too much COD would come up with.

Since when does Tom Brady look like handsome squidward?

Who wore it better?

Pro Tip; If you ever lose your baby, check the corners of your fitted sheets before calling the police.

the "esc" key on a keyboard is a holdover from early-'90s personal computers. on some models it would dispense a can of escargot out of one of the unused drive bays. they put it in the corner so you wouldn't press it by accident because you only got three of them. i pushed it once and got grounded

Listen, I am a huge #waynesworld fan and given the opportunity to get custom nails done, I’m gonna go for it.