I don’t often look at Twitter bc it’s too scary, but I thought for sure that when I got a new phone I would lose the bird

I never thought I would long for a time when Dick Cheney seemed like the pinnacle of evil…

The road to fascism is paved with establishment Democrats hamstringing themselves with deference and decorum while they tell you you're overreacting.

Soooooooo we’re definitely not doing taxes right?

Sir our plan to replace the entire government with 4chan freaks has run into a few snags

Damn we’re hurtling towards an actual Dead Internet™️ at an absolutely exponential pace huh

If this was twitter I would be telling you about the inverse relationship between beer and word games or something