This just in: Jon Stewart normally only hosts “The Daily Show” on Monday nights nowadays, but tonight he is returning to his longtime desk for one Thursday edition, Comedy Central says. His guest: Maria Ressa

I hold Trump’s speech to congress solely responsible for the text I just sent to my local med spa asking for an emergency Botox appointment. These furrowed brows and forehead lines are as deep seated as Trump’s diaper up his asscrack.

“There may not be a deep cause here. Trump likes and admires bad people because he is himself a bad person….But however shallow their motives, the consequences are profound.”

www.theatlantic.com/politics/arc...

"Canada has the longest total coastline in the world, therefore we are well within our rights to rename our major oceans. Henceforth, the Pacific Ocean will be known as Poutine Ocean, the Atlantic Ocean as Hockey Ocean, and the Arctic Ocean as the Gulf of Brian Adams."

- PM Trudeau

But for realsies, where’s the Danish petition to annex California? 👀 Where do I sign up??

It’s time to revive the #CalExit discussion. We’re the 5th largest economy in the WORLD. We grow the food. We make the tech. We define ingenuity & innovation.

The US is about to go through some things that are diametrically opposed to what we as Californians stand for.

We need to choose the bear.

I’ve seen a lot in my lifetime — including 9/11 as it happened — and I’ve *never* heard of a US armed forces aircraft colliding with a commercial airplane full of passengers in midair. WTF is happening??

WASHINGTON (AP) — Passenger jet collided with helicopter while landing at Reagan Washington National Airport, FAA says.

Things I don’t understand about #football: Why on earth does the #NFL allow them to play in the snow?? The only I sport I follow rabidly is #MLB baseball, and that’s… not a thing. 🤷🏼‍♀️

Can’t wait for the (checks notes) …WWE elective to take the place of SexEd on my kid’s middle school course offerings.

Melania loves The Chriistmiss. I häppy. 😏

Credit: @ michaelpavano | IG

Can we please workshop a new nickname for posts on @bsky.app? Because ‘BS tweets’ is 💩 and ‘skeets’ gives major ick.

I’ll start. How about Skywrites?

Do you love dogs and hate fascism? Hey, me too! Let’s be friends! 🤗

Seth Meyers called Trump's cabinet picks: "Pandora's cabinet of goblins and weirdos".

Tonight I watched Jon Stewart cry at the end of @thedailyshow.bsky.social, sharing how his beloved rescue dog crossed the rainbow bridge yesterday. I cried too. 🥺

I then watched a handsome suit-wearing Seth Meyers almost cry at the end of @latenightsethmyers.bsky.social’s 10th anny episode. 🥹 (1/)

Since Late Night with Seth Meyers is officially celebrating its 10th anniversary tonight, let me re-up my essay on Corrections, the absolutely ridiculous and delightful web-series offshoot. www.primetimer.com/features/lat...