Lazy Vampire Enthusiast (Keffy)
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keffy.bsky.social
Lazy Vampire Enthusiast (Keffy)
@keffy.bsky.social
2.9K followers 860 following 6.5K posts
he/him/they/them
500 tiny scientists in a trenchcoat / apocalyptic trans man.
I write SF/F and have had stories published in Uncanny, Lightspeed, Apex, and others. I also edit(ed) GlitterShip which is on hiatus atm.
M.Phil Genetics
https://ko-fi.com/keffyk
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keffy.bsky.social
So besides the part where this is an Etsy ad that showcases a product among others that are clearly not hand made and are probably sold by dropshippers...
Somewhat pixelated (sorry) small screenshot of an Etsy ad. At the bottom it says "Etsy Give gifts that say I get you" and the image is of a young white woman looking to the side with the top of her face cropped off, "wearing" a gray sweatshirt through the power of AI. The sweatshirt has a pink... blob that looks kind of like a tree in a square with the huge text over it "I'M A SIDE CHICK" there's more text below that but it can't be read.
November 19, 2025 at 5:13 PM
keffy.bsky.social
Pecan crusted salmon with a kale salad on a yellow plate with a dog peering at it.
October 22, 2025 at 3:54 AM
keffy.bsky.social
Every time I open the fridge.
The fridge is one of those with two half doors that open out above a freezer drawer. The photo is from inside the fridge with the left side door open. Under the open door you can see a gray tile floor and the handle of the freezer drawer. A graying brown and black dog snoot is under the door because he is nosy and wants to see what I am doing or getting in the fridge.
October 17, 2025 at 8:00 PM
keffy.bsky.social
I'M SORRY BUT WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS ARIZONA
Huge red greenish stripey weird grub thing that is half an inch wide and like 4 inches long wtfffffff
October 5, 2025 at 9:22 PM
keffy.bsky.social
Lmao at being told I live a sad pathetic life in direct messages by some random who started off by aggroing at me and then threw a tantrum in private when I turned off responses to my post because I don't need randos arguing at me based on their own assumptions.
Screenshot of a direct message on Bluesky received at 5:50am. I've censored the person's name with scribble stickers. They said "Wow, are you a fucking asshole. It's sad that you don't even like the people who are on your side. What a pathetic, miserable life you must lead." Ma'am, this is an Arby's.
October 3, 2025 at 1:09 PM
keffy.bsky.social
Dilllllllll
Aggressive close-up of some tzatziki
October 3, 2025 at 3:39 AM
keffy.bsky.social
Hmmm
Screenshot from a Farmer's Dog ad of the dog food in a freezer. It says shop now. The dialogue says "THIS IS FRESH HUMAN"
September 21, 2025 at 7:17 AM
keffy.bsky.social
Merry sexy Lord Farquaad Season
Shrek branded Lord Farquaad costume worn by an attractive woman.
September 21, 2025 at 7:12 AM
keffy.bsky.social
Spirit Halloween depressed me
I (heart) punk display at Spirit Halloween. It is depressing. Costume wallet chains and fake tattoos and plaid skirts
September 21, 2025 at 7:06 AM
keffy.bsky.social
today in i forgot to use the -ai tag and goddamn it's just bad
Screenshot of Google search for "burnt umber". The top of the page starts with a color swatch of burnt umber (a reddish brown) and an AI Overview with the text: "Burnt amber" is not a recognized color or term; you are likely thinking of burnt umber, a rich, reddish-brown pigment created by heating raw umber to produce a warmer, more saturated color. This pigment is a blend of iron and manganese oxides and has been used by artists since antiquity for its stability and ability to darken other pigments in shadows. NOTE that I did NOT search for "burnt amber". I searched for "BURNT UMBER" so the first sentence is nonsensical garbage based on google internally ignoring the word I typed even though it was correct. Insert keymash here.
September 8, 2025 at 11:02 AM
keffy.bsky.social
Someone got a couple pieces of steak
Finn the dog reclining on a gray-green sofa wifh a black and white blanket and a black, gray and gold throw pillow. He is looking back at the camera with his ears up.
August 28, 2025 at 2:33 AM
keffy.bsky.social
I love how this dog is sometimes so smart, and yet I just watched him whine and lick the dog food bag even though he had a bowl full of dog food.
Finn the dog on an egyptian themed rug, relaxing. He is wearing a blue collar.
August 27, 2025 at 3:06 AM
keffy.bsky.social
Pleased to discover that if i click him over and over he just says "I'm a bad boy. I'm a bad boy. I'm a bad boy."
Screenshot from the 2002 Larian game Divine Divinity. The text reads Survivor: I'm a bad boy, but you have to be to survive on the streets. To live in the gitter a lad has to learn to cut corners and (on occasion) cut other people's purse strings. These days the law only serves the rich, so I help myself"
August 25, 2025 at 4:18 AM
keffy.bsky.social
Welp the anti-queer censorship bullshit came directly into my email.

I mean, like I never got any advertising money anyway but as part of bringing GlitterShip back in 2026 I need a podcast host that doesn't get hives if the queer podcast has some queer sex and kink in it.

Podbean? We're done.
Branded email from Podbean reading: "Dear Podcaster, We are writing to inform you that your podcast, GlitterShip, did not pass the content safety verification. This may affect the advertising opportunities available to your podcast. Sincerely, The Podbean Team."
August 25, 2025 at 3:24 AM
keffy.bsky.social
Image of a bunch of Pima County Sherriff's vehicles above a headline: Sheriff responds after union says Pima County deputies resign over low pay, morale concerns. Screenshot of Gene Wilder from Willy Wonka saying "Stop. Don't. Come back." He clearly does not care if he is listened to.
August 22, 2025 at 4:16 PM
keffy.bsky.social
my moot stick brings all the orcs to the yard
and they're like, it's better than yours
Screenshot of my khajiit DPS main from the Elder Scrolls Online DPS with a disgusting number of champion points wearing clothes that I stole from some enemy dude (Mannimarco? idk. My husband knows all the lore for me. Anyway, my inventory is open in front of an orc and there's a single weapon that is called "King's Moot Talking Stick"
August 22, 2025 at 5:07 AM
keffy.bsky.social
Here is a photo of my dog being shocked by one of the 4 VHS tapes I own, the infamous dick box edition of The Little Mermaid.

My husband told me to stop saying dick box, but I will not.
Finn the dog looking like he's shockee by the sight of the aforementioned VHS box of Disney's The Little Mermaid in which one of the towers in the center of King Triton's castle is absolutely a dick.
August 20, 2025 at 9:35 PM
keffy.bsky.social
COSTCO CHANGED THEIR MUFFINS
Fancy small costco muffins that are more than a dollar each.
August 15, 2025 at 11:27 PM
keffy.bsky.social
Gave Samhain catnip, he can now see through time.
Black cat with gray and brown highlights flailing on a beige carpet, the cat in the photo is blurry
August 6, 2025 at 5:20 PM
keffy.bsky.social
"What did you do for the fourth?! :D"

"Sat in the bath tub with my dog who hates baths because he was so scared that he wanted to hide in the bathroom and waited for the fireworks to end while contemplating how utterly fucked this country is right now. You?"
Very scared black mouth cur hiding in the bathroom with me
July 5, 2025 at 4:36 AM
keffy.bsky.social
Original post: mastodon.art/@inkshark/11...
July 4, 2025 at 3:44 AM
keffy.bsky.social
I have a mouth and I am going to scream
A bedraggled looking saguaro cactus in front of an overcast sky. The holes on it look like two eyes and a jagged mouth.
July 3, 2025 at 1:29 AM
keffy.bsky.social
Actually checked the mail!

(It's a shared mailbox at the end of the road, and it's 108 degrees outside, I'm only mostly lazy)
Copy of Locus Magazine for June 2025. Cover is orange with teal and gold designs and text. Interviews advertised are Akwaeke Emezi "Claiming the Center" and Joan Slonczewski "Really Far Out"
July 1, 2025 at 1:48 AM
keffy.bsky.social
Approximately a month ago the cat treats were in the pantry. Samhain has seen that they are now on the counter and yet if the pantry is opened he must thunder his little feet into it and scream for them. Like. Sir.

(Cat tax)
Fluffy black cat curled up on a beige carpeted landing that is also covered with his hairs.
June 24, 2025 at 11:49 PM
keffy.bsky.social
... why does this sound like a threat
Screenshot of a restaurant website for "Hana Tokyo, Hibachi, sushi, bar" and beneath the site menu (home, about us, menu, location, order online) there's a billboard image with a man having just punched another man directly into the camera, with a broken glass pattern where the man hit it. To the right, there's white text on a purple background: "YOU LOVE SPORTS! WE'LL GIVE YOU SPORTS"
June 22, 2025 at 2:06 AM