Mort Crim
@justforcrims.bsky.social
I know who you are. We're friends on bluesky.
Just Mort Crim's lines from Detroiters
tag
@justforcrims.bsky.social to contact our news desk.
—
(not actually Mort Crim)
Just Mort Crim's lines from Detroiters
tag
@justforcrims.bsky.social to contact our news desk.
—
(not actually Mort Crim)
... and that sucker is Mort Crim's Chump of the Week.
Today marks the ✨200th✨ day Detroiters has been in the #1 spot on @netflix.com’s “🔥 Everyone’s Watching” list. I hoped making them an official Chump of the Week at 100 days would be enough, but at 200 days with no Season 3 announcement still, I’m forced to make @netflix.com a Chump FOR LIFE!
May 7, 2025 at 2:49 PM
... and that sucker is Mort Crim's Chump of the Week.
and that's one murder that had a happy ending.
Oh my god, Eric Adams is going to accidentally free Luigi. Amazing.
Uhhhhhh www.bbc.co.uk/news/article...
February 23, 2025 at 12:08 AM
and that's one murder that had a happy ending.
Reposted by Mort Crim
You know who pissed me off?
Dale Stern, the principal of Diana Lewis Elementary, who *permanently* cancelled pizza Fridays.
Now, if pizza's not healthy, how come I've never seen a fat Italian?
You, sir, are a pepperoni.
And you are my CHUMP OF THE WEEK
Dale Stern, the principal of Diana Lewis Elementary, who *permanently* cancelled pizza Fridays.
Now, if pizza's not healthy, how come I've never seen a fat Italian?
You, sir, are a pepperoni.
And you are my CHUMP OF THE WEEK
April 26, 2024 at 11:56 PM
You know who pissed me off?
Dale Stern, the principal of Diana Lewis Elementary, who *permanently* cancelled pizza Fridays.
Now, if pizza's not healthy, how come I've never seen a fat Italian?
You, sir, are a pepperoni.
And you are my CHUMP OF THE WEEK
Dale Stern, the principal of Diana Lewis Elementary, who *permanently* cancelled pizza Fridays.
Now, if pizza's not healthy, how come I've never seen a fat Italian?
You, sir, are a pepperoni.
And you are my CHUMP OF THE WEEK
It's annual friendship day here in Detroit.
That's why I brought my best friend Dave to hang out.
He's a slob, but I love him.
Good night, Detroit.
That's why I brought my best friend Dave to hang out.
He's a slob, but I love him.
Good night, Detroit.
January 19, 2025 at 10:43 PM
It's annual friendship day here in Detroit.
That's why I brought my best friend Dave to hang out.
He's a slob, but I love him.
Good night, Detroit.
That's why I brought my best friend Dave to hang out.
He's a slob, but I love him.
Good night, Detroit.
Is what we experience real? Or is reality a computer simulation constructed by an advanced alien race?
For more: our sports reporter, Jim Caputo.
For more: our sports reporter, Jim Caputo.
January 2, 2025 at 2:47 AM
Is what we experience real? Or is reality a computer simulation constructed by an advanced alien race?
For more: our sports reporter, Jim Caputo.
For more: our sports reporter, Jim Caputo.
Good night, Detroit.
For now until the sun comes up.
For now until the sun comes up.
January 1, 2025 at 6:05 AM
Good night, Detroit.
For now until the sun comes up.
For now until the sun comes up.
Good night, Detroit.
I'm Mort Crim, and that's all the news from the entire world.
I'm Mort Crim, and that's all the news from the entire world.
January 1, 2025 at 4:59 AM
Good night, Detroit.
I'm Mort Crim, and that's all the news from the entire world.
I'm Mort Crim, and that's all the news from the entire world.
I'm Mort Crim. Which in French means death and crime.
December 31, 2024 at 11:56 PM
I'm Mort Crim. Which in French means death and crime.
Up next: watersports and weather.
December 27, 2024 at 10:25 PM
Up next: watersports and weather.
The body was found dead in an apartment the FBI is claiming belonged to the *real* Santa Claus.
December 25, 2024 at 5:04 PM
The body was found dead in an apartment the FBI is claiming belonged to the *real* Santa Claus.
This week's chump is my son's best friend, Tucker.
If you're coming to someone's house for a sleepover you *don't* get a nosebleed.
That's all my stuff you bled on, Tucker.
If you're coming to someone's house for a sleepover you *don't* get a nosebleed.
That's all my stuff you bled on, Tucker.
December 24, 2024 at 3:45 AM
This week's chump is my son's best friend, Tucker.
If you're coming to someone's house for a sleepover you *don't* get a nosebleed.
That's all my stuff you bled on, Tucker.
If you're coming to someone's house for a sleepover you *don't* get a nosebleed.
That's all my stuff you bled on, Tucker.
Reposted by Mort Crim
The honey-boy in question, Sam "the man" Duvet was confirmed to be a prostitute thanks to the following unreleased ad:
April 6, 2024 at 11:43 AM
The honey-boy in question, Sam "the man" Duvet was confirmed to be a prostitute thanks to the following unreleased ad:
Between you and me, it seems like that commercial was telling old men how to sneak into a teen club.
December 17, 2024 at 11:54 PM
Between you and me, it seems like that commercial was telling old men how to sneak into a teen club.
When asked what they were doing, the men said, "Mr. Groove sent us."
December 15, 2024 at 9:20 PM
When asked what they were doing, the men said, "Mr. Groove sent us."
That was the commercial that led to the shutdown of "Boom Teen Nightclub earlier today, where a swarm of middle-age men were arrested for posing as teens attempting to gain entry.
December 15, 2024 at 9:18 PM
That was the commercial that led to the shutdown of "Boom Teen Nightclub earlier today, where a swarm of middle-age men were arrested for posing as teens attempting to gain entry.
A local man is in dire need of a kidney tonight and he's not telling anyone why.
December 14, 2024 at 10:22 PM
A local man is in dire need of a kidney tonight and he's not telling anyone why.
Folks, I won't sugarcoat it.
ISIS won't stop until every last one of us is pink mist in the wind.
ISIS won't stop until every last one of us is pink mist in the wind.
December 14, 2024 at 7:27 AM
Folks, I won't sugarcoat it.
ISIS won't stop until every last one of us is pink mist in the wind.
ISIS won't stop until every last one of us is pink mist in the wind.
We here at Garner Weich understand the importance of comfort in an uncomfortable world.
The economy in shambles. Unemployment at and all-time high.
And the chilling reality that we're living every moment in the bloodthirsty crosshairs of ISIS.
The economy in shambles. Unemployment at and all-time high.
And the chilling reality that we're living every moment in the bloodthirsty crosshairs of ISIS.
December 14, 2024 at 7:26 AM
We here at Garner Weich understand the importance of comfort in an uncomfortable world.
The economy in shambles. Unemployment at and all-time high.
And the chilling reality that we're living every moment in the bloodthirsty crosshairs of ISIS.
The economy in shambles. Unemployment at and all-time high.
And the chilling reality that we're living every moment in the bloodthirsty crosshairs of ISIS.
Two more criminals were brutally apprehended by a masked vigilante police are calling "Nerd Batman," due to his glasses.
December 10, 2024 at 11:30 PM
Two more criminals were brutally apprehended by a masked vigilante police are calling "Nerd Batman," due to his glasses.
...and so the proof turned out not to be in the pudding –but rather in the murderer's blood, and semen.
We'll be back after these words.
We'll be back after these words.
December 8, 2024 at 6:08 AM
...and so the proof turned out not to be in the pudding –but rather in the murderer's blood, and semen.
We'll be back after these words.
We'll be back after these words.
... police say there were many, many survivors.
December 7, 2024 at 11:23 AM
... police say there were many, many survivors.
Next up...
Red Wings fans have something to cheer about, as they recover two frozen bodies from the ice.
Red Wings fans have something to cheer about, as they recover two frozen bodies from the ice.
November 30, 2024 at 7:55 AM
Next up...
Red Wings fans have something to cheer about, as they recover two frozen bodies from the ice.
Red Wings fans have something to cheer about, as they recover two frozen bodies from the ice.
Earlier today, the ghost of a pedophile was spotted haunting the old Boblo Amusement Park. Here's the interesting thing.
the ghost was—get this: a woman.
More after these messages.
the ghost was—get this: a woman.
More after these messages.
November 24, 2024 at 9:14 AM
Earlier today, the ghost of a pedophile was spotted haunting the old Boblo Amusement Park. Here's the interesting thing.
the ghost was—get this: a woman.
More after these messages.
the ghost was—get this: a woman.
More after these messages.
Wow! Hah, normally I don't comment on the commercials, but that was very bad.
Twitter is getting desperate, they're stuffing ads for Premium into DMs
November 22, 2024 at 5:21 AM
Wow! Hah, normally I don't comment on the commercials, but that was very bad.
And that's one murder
that had a happy ending.
We'll be right back with Sports and Weather, after this...
that had a happy ending.
We'll be right back with Sports and Weather, after this...
November 22, 2024 at 1:35 AM
And that's one murder
that had a happy ending.
We'll be right back with Sports and Weather, after this...
that had a happy ending.
We'll be right back with Sports and Weather, after this...