Julie Sondra Decker
@juliesondra.bsky.social
Novelist, creativity enthusiast, comic scribbler, singer, cartoon nerd, asexuality activist. Author of THE INVISIBLE ORIENTATION. She/her. Not your babysitter.
https://juliesondradecker.com
https://juliesondradecker.com
Him: "There's so much propaganda teaching people that it's a life goal to remain single and self sufficient! Ugh!"
My aroace ass: PFFFFFFFTTAAHHHHAHAHAHAH
People are brainwashing you to stay single WHERE??
Okay, maybe they're saying YOU should stay single. . . .
My aroace ass: PFFFFFFFTTAAHHHHAHAHAHAH
People are brainwashing you to stay single WHERE??
Okay, maybe they're saying YOU should stay single. . . .
November 18, 2025 at 11:55 PM
Him: "There's so much propaganda teaching people that it's a life goal to remain single and self sufficient! Ugh!"
My aroace ass: PFFFFFFFTTAAHHHHAHAHAHAH
People are brainwashing you to stay single WHERE??
Okay, maybe they're saying YOU should stay single. . . .
My aroace ass: PFFFFFFFTTAAHHHHAHAHAHAH
People are brainwashing you to stay single WHERE??
Okay, maybe they're saying YOU should stay single. . . .
The false equivalence here is BAFFLING. To think a woman who "uses" a male medical professional, in a medical context, is getting some benefit similar to a dude ogling women in a sexual context--you just KNOW this dude thought he was so smart and grinned himself to the internet to tell everyone. Ew.
November 18, 2025 at 9:06 PM
The false equivalence here is BAFFLING. To think a woman who "uses" a male medical professional, in a medical context, is getting some benefit similar to a dude ogling women in a sexual context--you just KNOW this dude thought he was so smart and grinned himself to the internet to tell everyone. Ew.
I know right? I said "you've never heard of scat? How come you're not on PornHub pooping on someone's face for kink audiences? Oh you think it's easy for all women to make content (and should HAVE to instead of complaining), but YOU won't?" Making content is HARD WORK and marketing it is harder.
November 18, 2025 at 4:50 PM
I know right? I said "you've never heard of scat? How come you're not on PornHub pooping on someone's face for kink audiences? Oh you think it's easy for all women to make content (and should HAVE to instead of complaining), but YOU won't?" Making content is HARD WORK and marketing it is harder.
Heh. Not quite the same thing but I had a friend who insisted women should NOT be able to claim benefits because it's impossible for a woman to be poor in the USA due to the fact that "she can be taken in by a man or always has the option to do sex work." wtf
November 16, 2025 at 1:09 PM
Heh. Not quite the same thing but I had a friend who insisted women should NOT be able to claim benefits because it's impossible for a woman to be poor in the USA due to the fact that "she can be taken in by a man or always has the option to do sex work." wtf
Weird how often "solutions" to these supposed problems sound like "everything would be much, much better if we declared everyone other than me second-class citizens who would be forced by circumstance to serve me and my interests, not allowed to have their own. How dare you call me sexist/racist!"
November 14, 2025 at 6:41 PM
Weird how often "solutions" to these supposed problems sound like "everything would be much, much better if we declared everyone other than me second-class citizens who would be forced by circumstance to serve me and my interests, not allowed to have their own. How dare you call me sexist/racist!"
Yep! Cue all the dudes who want to dump historically inaccurate commentary in your inbox about how AcKtychyooallee, in the past if you had entered puberty you were Totally A Woman and HISTORICALLY nobody had a problem with it and evolutionarily we're totally supposed to have sex with little girls.
November 13, 2025 at 9:47 PM
Yep! Cue all the dudes who want to dump historically inaccurate commentary in your inbox about how AcKtychyooallee, in the past if you had entered puberty you were Totally A Woman and HISTORICALLY nobody had a problem with it and evolutionarily we're totally supposed to have sex with little girls.
LOLLLLLL FOREVER at the idea that women are out here wondering what we can do to make strange men make romantic overtures toward us more often. You literally do not see women who want random dudes' attention walking around clueless about their lack of smile or use of headphones being off-putting.
November 13, 2025 at 9:39 PM
LOLLLLLL FOREVER at the idea that women are out here wondering what we can do to make strange men make romantic overtures toward us more often. You literally do not see women who want random dudes' attention walking around clueless about their lack of smile or use of headphones being off-putting.
Her: "I had a wonderful life doing what I loved and brought joy to millions."
This guy: "A woman exists who didn't do what I would rather she do. I will assign her sadness and emptiness, oblivious to the fact that the only person who's mad about her choices is me, a man who doesn't know her."
This guy: "A woman exists who didn't do what I would rather she do. I will assign her sadness and emptiness, oblivious to the fact that the only person who's mad about her choices is me, a man who doesn't know her."
November 12, 2025 at 2:27 AM
Her: "I had a wonderful life doing what I loved and brought joy to millions."
This guy: "A woman exists who didn't do what I would rather she do. I will assign her sadness and emptiness, oblivious to the fact that the only person who's mad about her choices is me, a man who doesn't know her."
This guy: "A woman exists who didn't do what I would rather she do. I will assign her sadness and emptiness, oblivious to the fact that the only person who's mad about her choices is me, a man who doesn't know her."
Heh. Yep. It's wonderful you found someone worth waiting for! Fortunately my situation doesn't involve trying to find a partner at all, but these dudes love ignoring everything I say and eternally assuming I'm there for whatever reason they are.
November 11, 2025 at 9:58 PM
Heh. Yep. It's wonderful you found someone worth waiting for! Fortunately my situation doesn't involve trying to find a partner at all, but these dudes love ignoring everything I say and eternally assuming I'm there for whatever reason they are.
This 100%! I've heard "wow you just want us to JUMP THROUGH YOUR HOOPS, HUH?" so many times. Meanwhile said hoops are "don't copy paste; don't send me a message that's solely what you think of my body; start a conversation." I WANT my "negatives" to shoo away people who find those too tall an order.
November 10, 2025 at 9:45 PM
This 100%! I've heard "wow you just want us to JUMP THROUGH YOUR HOOPS, HUH?" so many times. Meanwhile said hoops are "don't copy paste; don't send me a message that's solely what you think of my body; start a conversation." I WANT my "negatives" to shoo away people who find those too tall an order.
I knoooooow, it's so aggravating. They usually won't acknowledge that it's at all the same, though. It's not "typical" or "normal" in their minds to be hit on by a gay man, and they'll insist the gay man is in the wrong if they feel grossed out or threatened. Not us though! We're not allowed!
November 10, 2025 at 12:54 AM
I knoooooow, it's so aggravating. They usually won't acknowledge that it's at all the same, though. It's not "typical" or "normal" in their minds to be hit on by a gay man, and they'll insist the gay man is in the wrong if they feel grossed out or threatened. Not us though! We're not allowed!
"Yeah well, if I'm persistent, there's at least a chance. If I just walk away, that gets me nowhere." They literally can't imagine the advice we're giving them isn't about what will "work" to get in our pants. We're saying it as advice to treat women with respect, not how to GET something from us.
November 10, 2025 at 12:52 AM
"Yeah well, if I'm persistent, there's at least a chance. If I just walk away, that gets me nowhere." They literally can't imagine the advice we're giving them isn't about what will "work" to get in our pants. We're saying it as advice to treat women with respect, not how to GET something from us.
But he simply couldn't imagine that we aren't always out to kindly teach men how to "get" us, that we actually have whole ass lives we're out here living and maybe didn't want to be interrupted to gently engage with and politely respond to clumsy, borderline vulgar flirting.
November 10, 2025 at 12:52 AM
But he simply couldn't imagine that we aren't always out to kindly teach men how to "get" us, that we actually have whole ass lives we're out here living and maybe didn't want to be interrupted to gently engage with and politely respond to clumsy, borderline vulgar flirting.
I had one guy whine that accepting "no" on the first try ensures he'll never get laid. "Like if I just say 'OK' and walk away, that's it, that's the end. Why do women say that's what they want us to do if they also don't reward us?" YA FUCKIN' BOZO, because that was what WE want, not DATING ADVICE!
November 10, 2025 at 12:52 AM
I had one guy whine that accepting "no" on the first try ensures he'll never get laid. "Like if I just say 'OK' and walk away, that's it, that's the end. Why do women say that's what they want us to do if they also don't reward us?" YA FUCKIN' BOZO, because that was what WE want, not DATING ADVICE!
It's so true, the "well but tell us what to doooooo then!!!" I heard that so many frigging times from dudes who were struggling and wanted to know why they can't just constantly, relentlessly hit on uninterested women and "why can't they just be kind?" Because the bus isn't a dating site!
November 10, 2025 at 12:48 AM
It's so true, the "well but tell us what to doooooo then!!!" I heard that so many frigging times from dudes who were struggling and wanted to know why they can't just constantly, relentlessly hit on uninterested women and "why can't they just be kind?" Because the bus isn't a dating site!
That's SO true--the fantasy life thing. Whether it's crying of loneliness in my bed, hoarding cats in desperate need of companionship, or despairing at my inability to stop driving men away with my horrible personality, I'm doing and feeling an awful lot of imaginary stuff in these guys' heads.
November 10, 2025 at 12:42 AM
That's SO true--the fantasy life thing. Whether it's crying of loneliness in my bed, hoarding cats in desperate need of companionship, or despairing at my inability to stop driving men away with my horrible personality, I'm doing and feeling an awful lot of imaginary stuff in these guys' heads.
"I can be that guy" can you though? Sounds to me like you've decided whoever we're with must be chosen for a shallow reason unless he's you. But go on. Keep shaking your head and assigning us superficial motivations and future regret. If it helps you sleep (alone) at night.
November 10, 2025 at 12:41 AM
"I can be that guy" can you though? Sounds to me like you've decided whoever we're with must be chosen for a shallow reason unless he's you. But go on. Keep shaking your head and assigning us superficial motivations and future regret. If it helps you sleep (alone) at night.
Yes. And there are appropriate ways to hit on us, obviously! We're not saying they can't flirt or shoot their shot. It's just that it's everywhere, all the time, with entitlement, with (like you said) likely anger if we say no, with others claiming our refusal (not their behavior) is the problem.
November 8, 2025 at 11:23 PM
Yes. And there are appropriate ways to hit on us, obviously! We're not saying they can't flirt or shoot their shot. It's just that it's everywhere, all the time, with entitlement, with (like you said) likely anger if we say no, with others claiming our refusal (not their behavior) is the problem.
Yes, but even with gay men "offering" sex, there's no trend for said gay men to be a) doing it regularly, constantly; b) doing it from a position of entitlement to their bodies in a society that'd agree they OWE them; c) doing it to men who are consistently smaller/weaker than them.
November 8, 2025 at 11:20 PM
Yes, but even with gay men "offering" sex, there's no trend for said gay men to be a) doing it regularly, constantly; b) doing it from a position of entitlement to their bodies in a society that'd agree they OWE them; c) doing it to men who are consistently smaller/weaker than them.
There's that, or all the transphobic "jokes" in movies about getting hit on by trans women, or sometimes fat women or old women who want them. All that still can't duplicate the feeling of an entire society thinking we owe them access to our bodies, with most of us being smaller/not as strong.
November 8, 2025 at 11:18 PM
There's that, or all the transphobic "jokes" in movies about getting hit on by trans women, or sometimes fat women or old women who want them. All that still can't duplicate the feeling of an entire society thinking we owe them access to our bodies, with most of us being smaller/not as strong.
The friend was indeed a man. A man who was always acting sour about me disliking this attention because HE would have LOVED to have unsolicited sexual attention. It really is telling that they can't imagine a situation where they would be regularly "offered" sex in a way that seemed scary/harmful.
November 8, 2025 at 8:45 PM
The friend was indeed a man. A man who was always acting sour about me disliking this attention because HE would have LOVED to have unsolicited sexual attention. It really is telling that they can't imagine a situation where they would be regularly "offered" sex in a way that seemed scary/harmful.
It was a guy saying it to me--sneering that I should be GRATEFUL for all the men who whistled at me on the street, tried to touch me on the bus, and sent me sexual messages. He insisted that it was actually gross of women to complain about this because only MEN understand REAL rejection. Ughhhh
November 8, 2025 at 8:43 PM
It was a guy saying it to me--sneering that I should be GRATEFUL for all the men who whistled at me on the street, tried to touch me on the bus, and sent me sexual messages. He insisted that it was actually gross of women to complain about this because only MEN understand REAL rejection. Ughhhh
God. I had a friend who was always saying "at least you're WANTED," etc. Yeah, I'm wanted. Like a lion wants an antelope. It's disgusting how THESE messages are seen by them as evidence of love and care. If we don't want it, and we KNOW they'd treat us badly, how exactly is it valuable?
November 8, 2025 at 4:14 PM
God. I had a friend who was always saying "at least you're WANTED," etc. Yeah, I'm wanted. Like a lion wants an antelope. It's disgusting how THESE messages are seen by them as evidence of love and care. If we don't want it, and we KNOW they'd treat us badly, how exactly is it valuable?
Two more. He just kept messaging me and bugging me to talk to him and insisting it was a misunderstanding while still insisting that he totally has a better car now, etc.
November 7, 2025 at 6:56 PM
Two more. He just kept messaging me and bugging me to talk to him and insisting it was a misunderstanding while still insisting that he totally has a better car now, etc.