John Mendelssohn (thee / thou)
@johnmendelssohn.bsky.social
I am a two-time winner of the Pulitzer Prize for Sarcasm. I reside on the southwestern tip of London, where I compose songs, take long walks along the Thames, and write six essays every week for johnmendelssohn.substack.com.
johnmendelssohn.substack.com/p/i-can-almo...
Its title says it all!
Its title says it all!
I Can Almost Guarantee You'll Be Glad You Read This One
I don't always perform public service, but when I do...
johnmendelssohn.substack.com
December 1, 2025 at 8:00 AM
johnmendelssohn.substack.com/p/i-can-almo...
Its title says it all!
Its title says it all!
open.substack.com/pub/johnmend...
Where Manhattan and Las Vegas conflate, mate! Read! Subscribe! Subscribe again!
Where Manhattan and Las Vegas conflate, mate! Read! Subscribe! Subscribe again!
Return to Benidorm, Again
Many Brits know Benidorm, only as a weird cross between Manhattan — skyscrapers beyond counting!
open.substack.com
November 28, 2025 at 8:39 AM
open.substack.com/pub/johnmend...
Where Manhattan and Las Vegas conflate, mate! Read! Subscribe! Subscribe again!
Where Manhattan and Las Vegas conflate, mate! Read! Subscribe! Subscribe again!
For the first time since 1959, the left-of-centre heterosexual erotic community is being represented in the Big Parade! johnmendelssohn.substack.com/p/dominatric...
Dominatrices to March in the Big Parade!
We have overcome! We have!
johnmendelssohn.substack.com
November 20, 2025 at 9:47 AM
For the first time since 1959, the left-of-centre heterosexual erotic community is being represented in the Big Parade! johnmendelssohn.substack.com/p/dominatric...
For the first time since 1959, the left-of-centre heterosexual erotic community is being represented in the Big Parade! johnmendelssohn.substack.com/p/dominatric...
Dominatrices to March in the Big Parade!
We have overcome! We have!
johnmendelssohn.substack.com
November 20, 2025 at 9:46 AM
For the first time since 1959, the left-of-centre heterosexual erotic community is being represented in the Big Parade! johnmendelssohn.substack.com/p/dominatric...
I’ll bet you $5 that in the last 24 hours no fewer than 100 American emo and alt-[whatever] bands have renamed themselves the Quiet Piggies. open.substack.com/pub/johnmend...
Dominatrices to March in the Big Parade!
We have overcome! We have!
open.substack.com
November 19, 2025 at 8:26 AM
I’ll bet you $5 that in the last 24 hours no fewer than 100 American emo and alt-[whatever] bands have renamed themselves the Quiet Piggies. open.substack.com/pub/johnmend...
Well, here I am, shrieking into the void again! johnmendelssohn.substack.com/p/brunch-wit...
Brunch With a Xenophobe
Mr.
johnmendelssohn.substack.com
November 17, 2025 at 8:58 AM
Well, here I am, shrieking into the void again! johnmendelssohn.substack.com/p/brunch-wit...
November 14, 2025 at 8:52 AM
I am taking a short break from making little videos of gorgeous women in provocative attire while my motion graphics software decides whether or not it wishes to remain on my good side.
open.substack.com/pub/johnmend...
open.substack.com/pub/johnmend...
The Kindness Club
Reading the other afternoon about the Mango Monstrosity’s claims of having ended (non-existent!) wars — between Iran and Pakistan, Cambodia and Armenia, and Azerbajian and Albania — made me realize I’...
open.substack.com
November 13, 2025 at 9:04 AM
I am taking a short break from making little videos of gorgeous women in provocative attire while my motion graphics software decides whether or not it wishes to remain on my good side.
open.substack.com/pub/johnmend...
open.substack.com/pub/johnmend...
I am taking a short break from making little videos of gorgeous women in provocative attire while my motion graphics software decides whether or not it wishes to remain on my good side.
open.substack.com/pub/johnmend...
open.substack.com/pub/johnmend...
The Kindness Club
Reading the other afternoon about the Mango Monstrosity’s claims of having ended (non-existent!) wars — between Iran and Pakistan, Cambodia and Armenia, and Azerbajian and Albania — made me realize I’...
open.substack.com
November 13, 2025 at 8:55 AM
I am taking a short break from making little videos of gorgeous women in provocative attire while my motion graphics software decides whether or not it wishes to remain on my good side.
open.substack.com/pub/johnmend...
open.substack.com/pub/johnmend...
Lady Cressida is based on a real person Mrs. Mendelsohn (she prefers the original, legal spelling) and I semi-met at Rick Parfitt's Xmas party a few years before his passing. open.substack.com/pub/johnmend...
Lady Cressida and Her Manservant
Extra credit if you spot the Beatles joke
open.substack.com
November 12, 2025 at 11:21 AM
Lady Cressida is based on a real person Mrs. Mendelsohn (she prefers the original, legal spelling) and I semi-met at Rick Parfitt's Xmas party a few years before his passing. open.substack.com/pub/johnmend...
Building the Ideal Restaurant Employee
Another adventure in AI
open.substack.com
November 11, 2025 at 11:43 AM
It’s never not a really, REALLY good idea to read my Substack. Some days it’s thought-provoking. Other days it’s amusing. Sometimes it is both. How can you go “wrong”?
November 7, 2025 at 9:15 AM
It’s never not a really, REALLY good idea to read my Substack. Some days it’s thought-provoking. Other days it’s amusing. Sometimes it is both. How can you go “wrong”?
Read my Substack six days a week! Find it life-changingly enjoyable! Insist, to the point of being in serious jeopardy of alienating them, that your friends and family do likewise! There isn't a moment to lose!
November 5, 2025 at 10:48 AM
Read my Substack six days a week! Find it life-changingly enjoyable! Insist, to the point of being in serious jeopardy of alienating them, that your friends and family do likewise! There isn't a moment to lose!
Mike Johnson is a shameless little hypocrite and an enabler of evil. How can he imagine that he'd be fooling The Lord Thy God if such a thing existed? open.substack.com/pub/johnmend...
It’s All Right, Ma, I’m Only Leaking Protein Into My Pee
If there's one thing my urine is not, it's foamy
open.substack.com
November 4, 2025 at 7:57 AM
Mike Johnson is a shameless little hypocrite and an enabler of evil. How can he imagine that he'd be fooling The Lord Thy God if such a thing existed? open.substack.com/pub/johnmend...
And you thought the Ronettes were the bees' knees! What an eye-opener this will be for you, and for your loved ones, and your hated ones. Everybody, truth be told!
October 31, 2025 at 9:09 AM
And you thought the Ronettes were the bees' knees! What an eye-opener this will be for you, and for your loved ones, and your hated ones. Everybody, truth be told!
Tramps like us, baby, we were born to read
open.substack.com/pub/johnmend...
open.substack.com/pub/johnmend...
There's a New Movie About Bruce's NEBRASKA Album, and I Can Wait to See It
I’ll say this before anything else.
open.substack.com
October 30, 2025 at 8:47 AM
Tramps like us, baby, we were born to read
open.substack.com/pub/johnmend...
open.substack.com/pub/johnmend...
Greatest record producer of all time? Sometimes I can't help but "wonder"!
johnmendelssohn.substack.com/p/did-george...
johnmendelssohn.substack.com/p/did-george...
Did George Martin Deserve His Knighthood?
Much is made of the late George Martin’s brilliance.
johnmendelssohn.substack.com
October 27, 2025 at 8:46 AM
Greatest record producer of all time? Sometimes I can't help but "wonder"!
johnmendelssohn.substack.com/p/did-george...
johnmendelssohn.substack.com/p/did-george...
