Your honor my client was being controlled by a small rodent under his hat

it’s 1AM and I almost had an Emotion but then I remembered the golden texts

I am a physical calendar devotee and I am pretty serious about having a separate work/life calendar (because we do NOT take work home!!!) but having to set up two calendars is getting annoying as fuck I can’t lie

I am disturbed by people who wear socks to bed

Snug! ❤️ Ca. 1950s. collection.carnegieart.org/objects/83b0...

everytime you're nice to me just imagine that I've burst into overwhelmed tears. think on that next time

listening to audiobooks while you drive is awesome. why is no one talking about this

JUST SAW A REAL-LIFE SILVERFISH, LIKE FROM MINECRAFT

if you are driving towards me at night with your high beams blinding me then I am absolutely flashing mine at you when you get close because FUCK YOUUUUU

if you’re willing to die on that hill, then die