I like ONE picture of a mushroom on my feed and now every third post is a picture of a mushroom.

I don't know anything about mushrooms. They aren't a part of my life. How do I fix this?

"Why kind of beer do you want? These are your options"

"I don't care. You pick it for me."

I pick a beer and hand it to them.

"I don't like this beer, give me another one."

"Ma'am, that's not how we play this game"

😂😂

I'm convinced that Walmart makes their floors specifically so you can't walk fast.

Anytime I'm in a hurry, inside of Walmart, my feet slip just enough as I'm walking to force me to slow down.

imagine being accidentally added to a second, slightly smaller group chat where they're talking about how to handle this scandal

Bartended at a biker bar last night. Apparently they get really cranky when you talk about wanting a moped.

#bartending
#nightlife

"What are you talking about? I'm not even drunk." - A Girl who is most definitely drunk.

Give me a triple A Blitzball game.

A full on rpg Blitzball game would slap.

#videogames

They should give us a Kingdom Hearts series in the style of Who Framed Roger Rabbit.

That halftime show was amazing.

(GIANT KAIJU EMERGES IN THE ATLANTIC OCEAN) ugh can we not? sorta got a lot going on rn

This flu has kicked my ass for the past three days. I'm finally on the recovery. All I want is a solid night of sleep before I go back to work.

Instead, my lungs are either rattling like some sort of beast digging it's way out of hell or making a weird anime uwu sound.

I just want sleep.

🎵🎶🎵
"Maybe I'll wake up tomorrow
And figure out where to begin
Maybe i won't feel so hollow
But I'm pretty sure that I'll be sleeping in.."
🎵🎶🎵

To be cringe is to be free.

This is 90% of my conversations when friends come to me for life advice.

I've heard that this is where all the cool kids are hanging out.

To an asshole, all virtue is "virtue signaling."