Justine Gardner
@jbgrumpstone.bsky.social
🖊Word creature. 🪶Birb person.
Basically just an old* fart-in-a-bottle left on a dusty shelf somewhere in Brooklyn, NY.
*Old enough to know that being anti-fascist is 👍.
website: www.grumpstonegazette.com
linktree: https://linktr.ee/justine.gardner
Basically just an old* fart-in-a-bottle left on a dusty shelf somewhere in Brooklyn, NY.
*Old enough to know that being anti-fascist is 👍.
website: www.grumpstonegazette.com
linktree: https://linktr.ee/justine.gardner
Insides, Out
Dissection day in #science class: the cloying stink of formaldehyde and the squelch of scalpel biting into vitreous humor. Some students are conscientious about slicing and pinning the required parts; others find the hard bean of the lens and reserve it for future use. #vss365
Dissection day in #science class: the cloying stink of formaldehyde and the squelch of scalpel biting into vitreous humor. Some students are conscientious about slicing and pinning the required parts; others find the hard bean of the lens and reserve it for future use. #vss365
![A detail from of an illustration showing a human skeleton leaning contemplatively at a table, its hand resting on the skull of another human. [Image by Thomas Geminus c. 1545, courtesy of NYPL public domain collection.]](https://cdn.bsky.app/img/feed_thumbnail/plain/did:plc:2kwn5hweta73gzq4sdv6eitj/bafkreifgvc7o53muh75psbjsnbnrvrxznsv4h7rqyn6ef7n7rvld4khlb4@jpeg)
November 14, 2025 at 11:35 AM
Lookee at the little delight I got in the mail yestereve from @helleborezine.bsky.social
The cover is even more gorgeous in person.
#bookmail #📖📫
The cover is even more gorgeous in person.
#bookmail #📖📫
November 13, 2025 at 2:50 PM
Lookee at the little delight I got in the mail yestereve from @helleborezine.bsky.social
The cover is even more gorgeous in person.
#bookmail #📖📫
The cover is even more gorgeous in person.
#bookmail #📖📫
Six, Seven
You say the #number the same as any other: it’s 12, time for lunch. You have 15 minutes left. I need 4 lemons from the store. But this combination, when it rolls from your mouth: what year was Aunt A born? The child repeats the sacred number until he laughs the milk out his nose. #vss365
You say the #number the same as any other: it’s 12, time for lunch. You have 15 minutes left. I need 4 lemons from the store. But this combination, when it rolls from your mouth: what year was Aunt A born? The child repeats the sacred number until he laughs the milk out his nose. #vss365
November 13, 2025 at 11:24 AM
Language Arts
The teacher, new and unafraid, took great joy in teaching the #myths, reveling in epithet and aegis, pantheon and hubris. In her final class, she talked of Aphrodite’s birth on the half shell. She asked them to think of oysters, their shape, and the feel in their young mouths. #vss365
The teacher, new and unafraid, took great joy in teaching the #myths, reveling in epithet and aegis, pantheon and hubris. In her final class, she talked of Aphrodite’s birth on the half shell. She asked them to think of oysters, their shape, and the feel in their young mouths. #vss365
![An illustration with the word "Menu" in elegant lettering above and oyster on the half shell with fork. [Image c. 1900, from NYPL public domain collection.]](https://cdn.bsky.app/img/feed_thumbnail/plain/did:plc:2kwn5hweta73gzq4sdv6eitj/bafkreigmxe4uj4uvxrih46fevrmzzd4vezhha7jd2gm5dk5oro2ynkxqyu@jpeg)
November 12, 2025 at 11:54 AM
Wisdom to Distinguish
A small #measure of whiskey before bed turns to two, then three. The bottle is nearing empty, although it had not started full. Your therapist talks of active avoidance and passive. Tell me which it is, then, when you pour the last glass and forget to set your alarm. #vss365
A small #measure of whiskey before bed turns to two, then three. The bottle is nearing empty, although it had not started full. Your therapist talks of active avoidance and passive. Tell me which it is, then, when you pour the last glass and forget to set your alarm. #vss365
![Illustrations from a book on watch making from mid 1800s. [Image courtesy of NYPL public domain archive. https://digitalcollections.nypl.org/items/bb8aae70-c603-012f-0634-58d385a7bc34?canvasIndex=0]](https://cdn.bsky.app/img/feed_thumbnail/plain/did:plc:2kwn5hweta73gzq4sdv6eitj/bafkreidyywsureviytuju7qzserhgs6z5adez2rkndr7dfzvwpdcqkmizu@jpeg)
November 11, 2025 at 11:45 AM
Famine
The learning #language model was hungry. It’d eaten all the #literature, poetry, memoir, #law books, research papers. So they fed it 90s-era ’zines, mimeographed co-op newsletters from 1975. Bazooka Joe comics, jokes from Cracker Jack boxes, before they stopped giving away real toys. #vss365
The learning #language model was hungry. It’d eaten all the #literature, poetry, memoir, #law books, research papers. So they fed it 90s-era ’zines, mimeographed co-op newsletters from 1975. Bazooka Joe comics, jokes from Cracker Jack boxes, before they stopped giving away real toys. #vss365
![A blurry screenshot of a snippet of typewritten text from a 1970s newsletter for the Park Slope Food Co-op detailing updates about packaging. [Courtesy Brooklyn Public Library Brooklyn collection.]](https://cdn.bsky.app/img/feed_thumbnail/plain/did:plc:2kwn5hweta73gzq4sdv6eitj/bafkreigym452eujunlg5lvgvefkt4xmwruvksjpgioc6c6ekp5qcwg4x5u@jpeg)
November 10, 2025 at 11:23 AM
Famine
The learning #language model was hungry. It’d eaten all the #literature, poetry, memoir, #law books, research papers. So they fed it 90s-era ’zines, mimeographed co-op newsletters from 1975. Bazooka Joe comics, jokes from Cracker Jack boxes, before they stopped giving away real toys. #vss365
The learning #language model was hungry. It’d eaten all the #literature, poetry, memoir, #law books, research papers. So they fed it 90s-era ’zines, mimeographed co-op newsletters from 1975. Bazooka Joe comics, jokes from Cracker Jack boxes, before they stopped giving away real toys. #vss365
I've had an email doppelganger for over a decade. I got her phone number once from a bill emailed to me, *not* her, and texted to let her know re: the email confusion. She basically told me to drop dead, so I just deleted her 6 tickets to Kpop Demon Hunters in April. Hope your daughter is happy now!
November 7, 2025 at 4:12 PM
I've had an email doppelganger for over a decade. I got her phone number once from a bill emailed to me, *not* her, and texted to let her know re: the email confusion. She basically told me to drop dead, so I just deleted her 6 tickets to Kpop Demon Hunters in April. Hope your daughter is happy now!
Clearing Out
You find the objects used for your childhood spankings in a forgotten pile on the third floor; the internet names them laundry paddles. Then #history unravels for you from there. A hundred years ago, this house a laundry, a baby drowned in the hot lye of her mother’s labors. #vss365
You find the objects used for your childhood spankings in a forgotten pile on the third floor; the internet names them laundry paddles. Then #history unravels for you from there. A hundred years ago, this house a laundry, a baby drowned in the hot lye of her mother’s labors. #vss365
![A blue-tinged photo from early 1900s of crisscrossed lines of laundry hanging from the back of NY tenement buildings. [photo courtesy BPL public domain archives.]](https://cdn.bsky.app/img/feed_thumbnail/plain/did:plc:2kwn5hweta73gzq4sdv6eitj/bafkreidspaebr35663xah6vnl5alwrjuod5tsr6opxfvtwhg6vuocc4iam@jpeg)
November 7, 2025 at 11:56 AM
Common Spaces
The tree had been dead all summer; we thought to call the landlord but didn’t. September winds sent it toward our windows with a thudding crack. The chainsaws came and gave the yard a peculiar new #geography that even the strays and rats have yet to map to their satisfaction. #vss365
The tree had been dead all summer; we thought to call the landlord but didn’t. September winds sent it toward our windows with a thudding crack. The chainsaws came and gave the yard a peculiar new #geography that even the strays and rats have yet to map to their satisfaction. #vss365
November 6, 2025 at 11:54 AM
Common Spaces
The tree had been dead all summer; we thought to call the landlord but didn’t. September winds sent it toward our windows with a thudding crack. The chainsaws came and gave the yard a peculiar new #geography that even the strays and rats have yet to map to their satisfaction. #vss365
The tree had been dead all summer; we thought to call the landlord but didn’t. September winds sent it toward our windows with a thudding crack. The chainsaws came and gave the yard a peculiar new #geography that even the strays and rats have yet to map to their satisfaction. #vss365
My man, my mensch. Also that shirt 🔥
Our message to Andrew Cuomo was loud & clear in June.
It’s louder & clearer tonight.
It’s louder & clearer tonight.
November 5, 2025 at 11:42 AM
My man, my mensch. Also that shirt 🔥
Servitude
That’s my great-uncle, he says, on their second date. She's stunned to silence by the connection to such a #famous holy man. She had thought her suitor mediocre at best. Now he is glazed in a warmer, honeyed light. She realizes she will marry him. She will have no choice. #vss365
That’s my great-uncle, he says, on their second date. She's stunned to silence by the connection to such a #famous holy man. She had thought her suitor mediocre at best. Now he is glazed in a warmer, honeyed light. She realizes she will marry him. She will have no choice. #vss365
November 5, 2025 at 11:27 AM
No I’m not stress eating chips ahoy cookies to avoid stress eating my kid’s Halloween candy, why do you ask?
November 5, 2025 at 1:11 AM
No I’m not stress eating chips ahoy cookies to avoid stress eating my kid’s Halloween candy, why do you ask?
The kids probably don't remember this but Big Time Cheney once shot his friend in the face while hunting and everyone laughed and laughed and laugh—
Anyway, NYC: go vote.
Anyway, NYC: go vote.
November 4, 2025 at 12:16 PM
The kids probably don't remember this but Big Time Cheney once shot his friend in the face while hunting and everyone laughed and laughed and laugh—
Anyway, NYC: go vote.
Anyway, NYC: go vote.
Homing
Her preschool #education had before and after. After was her babysitter nabbing a pigeon barehanded. After was her following him up the metal stairs to a rooftop coop, to the caged thrum of citified rock doves. After was watching green slide from pocket to outstretched palm. #vss365
Her preschool #education had before and after. After was her babysitter nabbing a pigeon barehanded. After was her following him up the metal stairs to a rooftop coop, to the caged thrum of citified rock doves. After was watching green slide from pocket to outstretched palm. #vss365
November 4, 2025 at 11:28 AM
Homing
Her preschool #education had before and after. After was her babysitter nabbing a pigeon barehanded. After was her following him up the metal stairs to a rooftop coop, to the caged thrum of citified rock doves. After was watching green slide from pocket to outstretched palm. #vss365
Her preschool #education had before and after. After was her babysitter nabbing a pigeon barehanded. After was her following him up the metal stairs to a rooftop coop, to the caged thrum of citified rock doves. After was watching green slide from pocket to outstretched palm. #vss365
Naturalized
They go back eight generations, at least. Pull out a map: how many roads with their name? Even this hollow here. The cave where they found all those bones. But the authorities hesitate to call it what it is: #domestic, home-grown. As American as corn, pie, an eye for an eye. #vss365
They go back eight generations, at least. Pull out a map: how many roads with their name? Even this hollow here. The cave where they found all those bones. But the authorities hesitate to call it what it is: #domestic, home-grown. As American as corn, pie, an eye for an eye. #vss365
November 3, 2025 at 11:16 AM
Me (2 days ago): So Friday, what costume do you want to wear to school for—
Kid: Nothing, I will be myself.
Me (1 day ago): So Friday, are you sure—
Kid: I told you, Mom, I'm going as myself.
Me (this morning): Oh look at that kid in the Minecraf—
Kid: Mo-om, why wouldn't you let me wear a costume?
Kid: Nothing, I will be myself.
Me (1 day ago): So Friday, are you sure—
Kid: I told you, Mom, I'm going as myself.
Me (this morning): Oh look at that kid in the Minecraf—
Kid: Mo-om, why wouldn't you let me wear a costume?
October 31, 2025 at 12:44 PM
Me (2 days ago): So Friday, what costume do you want to wear to school for—
Kid: Nothing, I will be myself.
Me (1 day ago): So Friday, are you sure—
Kid: I told you, Mom, I'm going as myself.
Me (this morning): Oh look at that kid in the Minecraf—
Kid: Mo-om, why wouldn't you let me wear a costume?
Kid: Nothing, I will be myself.
Me (1 day ago): So Friday, are you sure—
Kid: I told you, Mom, I'm going as myself.
Me (this morning): Oh look at that kid in the Minecraf—
Kid: Mo-om, why wouldn't you let me wear a costume?
🧙♀️Happy Halloween, Allhallowtide, Samhain, etc., to all who celebrate, my creeps!
![A an early 20th century postcard featuring an illustration of giant smiling carved pumpkins and red devils swirling around them. [From the collections of www.tuckdbpostcards.org.]](https://cdn.bsky.app/img/feed_thumbnail/plain/did:plc:2kwn5hweta73gzq4sdv6eitj/bafkreihal6tsivm3ge524cit2fyzodnq65pa4vwrghrokpj3etx7ifow3m@jpeg)
October 31, 2025 at 10:32 AM
🧙♀️Happy Halloween, Allhallowtide, Samhain, etc., to all who celebrate, my creeps!
More of this in my timeline please.
October 30, 2025 at 4:48 PM
More of this in my timeline please.
As a lifelong* NYer I am truly hoping that Cuomo and Sliwa go the way of Polynices and Eteocles and just put each other out of our collective misery.
*Old enough to remember Ed Koch. How I'm doin'?
*Old enough to remember Ed Koch. How I'm doin'?
October 29, 2025 at 8:20 PM
As a lifelong* NYer I am truly hoping that Cuomo and Sliwa go the way of Polynices and Eteocles and just put each other out of our collective misery.
*Old enough to remember Ed Koch. How I'm doin'?
*Old enough to remember Ed Koch. How I'm doin'?
Today’s NYT front page: Above the fold, using an old pre-demo photo with the caption: “Critics are outraged over its demolition, but *some* welcome a change.”
I assume in this instance, “some” means “oligarchs buying access and shitting on democracy,” right @nytimes.com?
I assume in this instance, “some” means “oligarchs buying access and shitting on democracy,” right @nytimes.com?
October 25, 2025 at 12:22 PM
Today’s NYT front page: Above the fold, using an old pre-demo photo with the caption: “Critics are outraged over its demolition, but *some* welcome a change.”
I assume in this instance, “some” means “oligarchs buying access and shitting on democracy,” right @nytimes.com?
I assume in this instance, “some” means “oligarchs buying access and shitting on democracy,” right @nytimes.com?
This is juvenile, embarrassing, and…yeah. They also forgot the part about enslaved peoples building it…but hey! Hunter Biden did drugs and has a massive hog or something … 🤷♀️
Open the page. Scroll down to the timeline. Go through the timeline.
It’s… shocking
It’s… shocking
The White House Building
Every president since John Adams has occupied the White House, and the history of this building extends far beyond the construction of its walls. From the Ground Floor Corridor rooms, transformed from...
www.whitehouse.gov
October 24, 2025 at 5:23 PM
This is juvenile, embarrassing, and…yeah. They also forgot the part about enslaved peoples building it…but hey! Hunter Biden did drugs and has a massive hog or something … 🤷♀️
Not only that but my best friend’s phone number, my dad’s phone number, my parents’ mountain cabin number, and the number for the local movie theater.
I’ll see myself to the glue yard now.
I’ll see myself to the glue yard now.
Hands up if you still remember your childhood home phone number.
If anyone needs me I will be in the museum, lying down next to the bog bodies.
October 13, 2025 at 10:26 PM
Not only that but my best friend’s phone number, my dad’s phone number, my parents’ mountain cabin number, and the number for the local movie theater.
I’ll see myself to the glue yard now.
I’ll see myself to the glue yard now.
My current conundrum: which inflatable animal costume will I wear for No Kings?
"After a few moments of laughter, the No Kings Coalition issued the following statement"
October 10, 2025 at 7:06 PM
My current conundrum: which inflatable animal costume will I wear for No Kings?
🪦📸🔟
Creeps! It continues to be delightfully chilly with bright sun here in my corner of the world. Enjoy this red-tailed hawk taking off between the grave stones in search of snacks for today October 10.
#cemetery #gravetober #birdsofpreyknowtheyrecool
Creeps! It continues to be delightfully chilly with bright sun here in my corner of the world. Enjoy this red-tailed hawk taking off between the grave stones in search of snacks for today October 10.
#cemetery #gravetober #birdsofpreyknowtheyrecool
October 10, 2025 at 1:59 PM
🪦📸🔟
Creeps! It continues to be delightfully chilly with bright sun here in my corner of the world. Enjoy this red-tailed hawk taking off between the grave stones in search of snacks for today October 10.
#cemetery #gravetober #birdsofpreyknowtheyrecool
Creeps! It continues to be delightfully chilly with bright sun here in my corner of the world. Enjoy this red-tailed hawk taking off between the grave stones in search of snacks for today October 10.
#cemetery #gravetober #birdsofpreyknowtheyrecool