jackson henry
@jasonemry.bsky.social
my high bowling score is 300 so my opinions pack a certain gravitas
Pinned
I envision a Nickelodeon-style masturbation experience, with big goofy buttons and slime zones. Really make hijacking your ham wagon innocent again.
just looked and there's no fapster dot com wtaf
November 13, 2025 at 11:03 AM
I envision a Nickelodeon-style masturbation experience, with big goofy buttons and slime zones. Really make hijacking your ham wagon innocent again.
just looked and there's no fapster dot com wtaf
November 13, 2025 at 11:02 AM
just looked and there's no fapster dot com wtaf
republicans getting a lot of questions about their "pinky swear I don't protect pedophiles" shirts that they thought would be answered by the shirts
November 13, 2025 at 4:03 AM
republicans getting a lot of questions about their "pinky swear I don't protect pedophiles" shirts that they thought would be answered by the shirts
maga gonna be like "ok he's a pedophile but that's what makes him so good at kidnapping people"
November 12, 2025 at 7:58 PM
maga gonna be like "ok he's a pedophile but that's what makes him so good at kidnapping people"
Still a mystery to me why Sex Toy Story wasn’t a thing
Karen’s dildo is lost? Meets up with a scrappy butt plug? The villain is an STD-riddled fleshlight? Hellooooooooo?
Karen’s dildo is lost? Meets up with a scrappy butt plug? The villain is an STD-riddled fleshlight? Hellooooooooo?
November 12, 2025 at 2:08 AM
Still a mystery to me why Sex Toy Story wasn’t a thing
Karen’s dildo is lost? Meets up with a scrappy butt plug? The villain is an STD-riddled fleshlight? Hellooooooooo?
Karen’s dildo is lost? Meets up with a scrappy butt plug? The villain is an STD-riddled fleshlight? Hellooooooooo?
“maga” necessarily implies that America is not great
maga has always been an anti-American cult, even by their own self-definition
for example: labeling anyone who opposes them “antifa”
maga has always been an anti-American cult, even by their own self-definition
for example: labeling anyone who opposes them “antifa”
Ingraham: Does that mean the h-1b visa thing will not be a big priority for your administration?
Trump: You have to bring in talent
Ingraham: We have plenty of talent
Trump: No, you don’t
Ingraham: We don’t have talented people here?
Trump: You have to bring in talent
Ingraham: We have plenty of talent
Trump: No, you don’t
Ingraham: We don’t have talented people here?
November 12, 2025 at 12:47 AM
“maga” necessarily implies that America is not great
maga has always been an anti-American cult, even by their own self-definition
for example: labeling anyone who opposes them “antifa”
maga has always been an anti-American cult, even by their own self-definition
for example: labeling anyone who opposes them “antifa”
is it possible to have the salmon unslammed
November 11, 2025 at 8:32 PM
is it possible to have the salmon unslammed
*line of dudes* oh shet
renaming my house "The Dept of Blowjobs" because reasons
November 11, 2025 at 5:42 PM
*line of dudes* oh shet
renaming my house "The Dept of Blowjobs" because reasons
November 11, 2025 at 5:42 PM
renaming my house "The Dept of Blowjobs" because reasons
this would be like if tesla made one cybertruck and then stopped when it exploded and killed 13 people
be like tesla. dream bigger, dudes.
be like tesla. dream bigger, dudes.
"GUYS I JUST FINISHED INVENTING THE LATEST THING OH MAN A STORM WE'D BETTER TEST IT RIGHT NOW WHEN WILL IT EVER STORM AGAIN ALSO THIS IS THE ONLY ONE WE'RE GOING TO MAKE FOR SOME REASON LET'S ALL PANIC AND COMMIT CRIMES."
-that new frankenstein movie
-that new frankenstein movie
November 11, 2025 at 5:01 AM
this would be like if tesla made one cybertruck and then stopped when it exploded and killed 13 people
be like tesla. dream bigger, dudes.
be like tesla. dream bigger, dudes.
"GUYS I JUST FINISHED INVENTING THE LATEST THING OH MAN A STORM WE'D BETTER TEST IT RIGHT NOW WHEN WILL IT EVER STORM AGAIN ALSO THIS IS THE ONLY ONE WE'RE GOING TO MAKE FOR SOME REASON LET'S ALL PANIC AND COMMIT CRIMES."
-that new frankenstein movie
-that new frankenstein movie
November 11, 2025 at 5:00 AM
"GUYS I JUST FINISHED INVENTING THE LATEST THING OH MAN A STORM WE'D BETTER TEST IT RIGHT NOW WHEN WILL IT EVER STORM AGAIN ALSO THIS IS THE ONLY ONE WE'RE GOING TO MAKE FOR SOME REASON LET'S ALL PANIC AND COMMIT CRIMES."
-that new frankenstein movie
-that new frankenstein movie
"OMG I accidentally made a quarterback. Dang. Oh well, back to the drawing crucifix."
-guillermo del toro's doctor frankenstein
-guillermo del toro's doctor frankenstein
"Ok it's hideous... but I don't want to fuck it. Can we make it a cutie-pie?"
-guillermo del toro
-guillermo del toro
November 11, 2025 at 4:56 AM
"OMG I accidentally made a quarterback. Dang. Oh well, back to the drawing crucifix."
-guillermo del toro's doctor frankenstein
-guillermo del toro's doctor frankenstein
"Ok it's hideous... but I don't want to fuck it. Can we make it a cutie-pie?"
-guillermo del toro
-guillermo del toro
November 11, 2025 at 4:56 AM
"Ok it's hideous... but I don't want to fuck it. Can we make it a cutie-pie?"
-guillermo del toro
-guillermo del toro
< You have dancer.
> ...Do you mean "cancer"?
< Unfortunately, no. Soon, the rhythm will consume your entire body.
> ...Do you mean "cancer"?
< Unfortunately, no. Soon, the rhythm will consume your entire body.
November 11, 2025 at 4:50 AM
< You have dancer.
> ...Do you mean "cancer"?
< Unfortunately, no. Soon, the rhythm will consume your entire body.
> ...Do you mean "cancer"?
< Unfortunately, no. Soon, the rhythm will consume your entire body.
“god’s creation”
*watches dozens of baby turtles get eaten*
kay
*watches dozens of baby turtles get eaten*
kay
November 10, 2025 at 3:53 PM
“god’s creation”
*watches dozens of baby turtles get eaten*
kay
*watches dozens of baby turtles get eaten*
kay
“Let’s build an airplane. Check it out, we did it! But it flies shitty. FUCK AIRPLANES MAKE THEM DIE.”
-the wright-frankenstein brothers
-the wright-frankenstein brothers
November 10, 2025 at 2:57 AM
“Let’s build an airplane. Check it out, we did it! But it flies shitty. FUCK AIRPLANES MAKE THEM DIE.”
-the wright-frankenstein brothers
-the wright-frankenstein brothers
it was the best of times. it was the stupidest of times.
November 9, 2025 at 4:27 PM
it was the best of times. it was the stupidest of times.
one would think the "master negotiator" would be on the hook for, y'know, not negotiating an end to a *record-breaking government shutdown
*his own record
*his own record
November 9, 2025 at 4:10 PM
one would think the "master negotiator" would be on the hook for, y'know, not negotiating an end to a *record-breaking government shutdown
*his own record
*his own record
Reposted by jackson henry
Don’t know if it even made the news outside Ukraine.
Three combined heat and power plants fully stopped working after last night’s enormous attack. Unclear if anything can be fixed, millions of people are completely without electricity, heating or running water. Before winter.
Three combined heat and power plants fully stopped working after last night’s enormous attack. Unclear if anything can be fixed, millions of people are completely without electricity, heating or running water. Before winter.
November 8, 2025 at 9:22 PM
Don’t know if it even made the news outside Ukraine.
Three combined heat and power plants fully stopped working after last night’s enormous attack. Unclear if anything can be fixed, millions of people are completely without electricity, heating or running water. Before winter.
Three combined heat and power plants fully stopped working after last night’s enormous attack. Unclear if anything can be fixed, millions of people are completely without electricity, heating or running water. Before winter.
working on a game called "Call of Peepee" with even more running
November 8, 2025 at 4:47 PM
working on a game called "Call of Peepee" with even more running
What do you do for a job?
teacher: I educate people.
fireman: I save people.
politician: I buy and sell people.
ice agent: *gasses and arrests questioner*
teacher: I educate people.
fireman: I save people.
politician: I buy and sell people.
ice agent: *gasses and arrests questioner*
November 8, 2025 at 4:44 PM
What do you do for a job?
teacher: I educate people.
fireman: I save people.
politician: I buy and sell people.
ice agent: *gasses and arrests questioner*
teacher: I educate people.
fireman: I save people.
politician: I buy and sell people.
ice agent: *gasses and arrests questioner*
the least believable part of frankenstein is that he’d build only one monster and stop instead of creating an elite basketball team that dominated the NBA
November 8, 2025 at 4:13 PM
the least believable part of frankenstein is that he’d build only one monster and stop instead of creating an elite basketball team that dominated the NBA
I just realized The Hangover is also The Changover
November 7, 2025 at 1:47 PM
I just realized The Hangover is also The Changover
the government had to know their charges against the sandwich thrower wouldn't hold up, on a sub-conscious level
November 7, 2025 at 5:05 AM
the government had to know their charges against the sandwich thrower wouldn't hold up, on a sub-conscious level
a porno about a flasher who starts hallucinating genitals where there aren’t any
called stranger things
called stranger things
November 6, 2025 at 9:35 PM
a porno about a flasher who starts hallucinating genitals where there aren’t any
called stranger things
called stranger things