Jared Johnson is taking it one day at a time
LightNews LightNews
banner
jaredparker.bsky.social
Jared Johnson is taking it one day at a time
@jaredparker.bsky.social
1.4K followers 1.1K following 2.7K posts
Former Christian fundie trying to redirect his idealism toward more humane ends. Black lives matter. Trans lives matter. John Hodgman once told me I was just daddin’ it up. he/him
Posts Replies Media Videos
jaredparker.bsky.social
Auggie (a golden doodle) and Mila (a little black and white-tipped something-or-other) cuddle a teenage boy on a couch, bathed in the white glow of a TV
November 5, 2025 at 1:17 AM
jaredparker.bsky.social
you should make this your first one
“But It Might Work For Us” meme starting with “We Could Give NFTs Another Try…”
November 3, 2025 at 5:39 PM
jaredparker.bsky.social
🧐
altarpiece sculpture titled “Ecstasy of Saint Teresa” (Gian Lorenzo Bernini, 1652), depicting Saint Teresa experiencing holy ecstasy as a cherub prepares to pierce her with a spear
October 21, 2025 at 2:30 PM
jaredparker.bsky.social
look at all these terrorists
a crowd of very normie-looking people waving American flags and holding signs in front of the brick edifice of the Bloomington Center for the Performing Arts
October 18, 2025 at 5:45 PM
jaredparker.bsky.social
Post something random or have an awful October
Black and white photo of a darkly-clad man chopping a log in front of a three-sided log structure topped by a barrel chimney; the caption reads, “FIG. 2.—THE BEAN HOLE WHERE BEANS ARE COOKED.” Vibrantly colored stipple drawing of a 50’s-style Dad, Mom, and their girl and boy, all holding hot dogs and grinning wild-eyed at the viewer as though they are experiencing potentially life-ending levels of euphoria
September 29, 2025 at 3:38 PM
jaredparker.bsky.social
Mother (Dan Akroyd) and Donald Crease (Sydney Poitier) looking at a computer screen in Sneakers (1992). Mother has probably just told Crease about how the C.I.A. Deputy Director of Planning was down in Managua, Nicaragua the day before the ‘72 earthquake
September 25, 2025 at 3:24 PM
jaredparker.bsky.social
I’m sorry but this movie is a solid B+ while watching, A+++ to quote incessantly at every opportunity
Cropped screenshot of Rotten Tomatoes entry for So I Married An Axe Murderer (1993), showing a 55% Tomatometer rating
September 16, 2025 at 10:49 PM
jaredparker.bsky.social
screenshot of a tumblr post that reads: personsonable me holding a gun to a mushroom: tell me the name of god you fungal piece of shit mushroom: can you feel your heart burning? can you feel the struggle within? the fear within me is beyond anything your soul can make. you cannot kill me in a way that matters me cocking the gun, tears streaming down my face: I'M NOT FUCKING SCARED OF YOU a miaislying Hey OP? What the FUCK does this mean? personsonable decay exists as an extant form of life miaislying That's a terrifying answer, have a nice day
September 11, 2025 at 5:46 PM
jaredparker.bsky.social
cropped screenshot of the above post, saved
September 9, 2025 at 1:52 AM
jaredparker.bsky.social
🧐
Clipped screenshot of the above-quoted user’s handle with a label showing he’s a Matt Yglesias Follower, because of course he is
September 8, 2025 at 2:05 PM
jaredparker.bsky.social
When I tell you I’m struggling with extremely violent fantasies of righteous vengeance against these god-damned motherfucking fascists, this is why
Text exchange between me and my twenty-year-old trans daughter: (Yesterday 11:58 PM) Her: Hey are you awake Can I ask you something Do you think we'll ever have to flee the country and move to Canada if shit gets worse Would we even be able to (Today 8:54 AM) Me: We'd find a way Her: Ok Me: Stop reading news if it's freaking you out, l've got your back Her: I trust Ok Me: Illinois is super safe for now Her: Okok Me: Pritzker is rocking it (Read 8:55 AM) Thanks
September 8, 2025 at 2:02 PM
jaredparker.bsky.social
Mikita’s Manager Glen (Ed O’Neill) staring steely-eyed into the middle distance (Wayne’s World, 1992)
August 30, 2025 at 5:47 PM
jaredparker.bsky.social
Samuel Jackson as Jules Winnfield in Pulp Fiction (1994), sitting across the diner booth table from John Travolta as Vincent Vega, with a speech bubble so it looks like he just said the thing in the above skeet
August 25, 2025 at 1:43 AM
jaredparker.bsky.social
sir this is a Wendy’s
Photo of an outdoor Wendy’s sign, surrounded by a typical suburban clutter of power lines, street lights, trucks, and construction signs, contrasted against a beautifully blue sky. At the top of the sign, Wendy of the Wendy’s logo smiles happily above the name of the restaurant. Emblazoned below is the motto, QUALITY IS OUR RECIPE The movable text reads, MISFORTUNE AWAITS LUCKY YOU
August 21, 2025 at 5:17 PM
jaredparker.bsky.social
Well now
Screenshot of user’s account info that reads: Ethnie @ethnierocks.bsky.social 5.2K followers 4K following 7.1K posts British European BA American Studies Survivor Warrior C-PTSD [stop sign] corruption exploitation misogyny tyranny elitism fascism betrayal sexism PERVERTS I speak & seek truth #BeKind #SlavaUkraine E DEEDS NOT WORDS Often Stoned on BudCake Mors Vincit Omnia @ Muted by "A Very British Bigotry" ư Brianna Wu Follower
August 13, 2025 at 6:20 PM
jaredparker.bsky.social
No cheating. Your last saved celebrity photo is your therapist. Who is it? (Does this count? I’m deciding it counts.)
The twelve-year-old giving a cheesy thumbs-up in front of a life-sized picture of Barack and Michelle Obama. Chicago, babyyyyyyy
July 22, 2025 at 5:12 AM
jaredparker.bsky.social
If you see this, I implore you to post a pic from your device without context
Richard Scarry illustration of a pig butcher (labeled with the word “butcher”) carving some salami next to a counter full of various meats, jars, and a scale
July 19, 2025 at 5:06 PM
jaredparker.bsky.social
when me and my crew roll up on you
Nathan Fielder, out on the town having the time of his life with a bunch of friends. The friends are all just out of frame, laughing too.
July 17, 2025 at 7:15 PM
jaredparker.bsky.social
RIP Michael Madsen. (For the record, Quentin Tarantino is a ginormous piece of shit who will be less remembered by posterity than he anticipates, but he’s made a few good movies and Michael Madsen was in some of the best of em.)
Michael Madsen as Vincent Vega’s brother Vic aka Mr. Blonde in Reservoir Dogs (1992), casually sipping a soda while leaning against a support beam and looking so, so cool
July 3, 2025 at 10:47 PM
jaredparker.bsky.social
My kids are a font of valuable data
Screenshot of text exchange: [Me] What's the current equivalent? When was the last time you manually inputted a regular person's number in order to call them? Lily recently because it was in an email from laser hair removal I have people on "Favorites" that are like the people I call most that's probably the closest equivalent otherwise I'll go to contacts where their number is saved [Me] Right, for normal people, you add them to your contacts and then click their contact to dial them Not the same as dialing a number on a phone [screen grab of Lily’s Favorites list] Screenshot of a text exchange: Lily Yeah but for business numbers l'll use the dial keypad I've used it once or twice I don't save business ones like if I'm calling laser to reschedule or like haircut place I won't input personal ones I wouldn't actually be able to remember anyone's number [Me] So here's my next question: if you were to refer to this list idiomatically, would you say have these people "on speed dial" or would you say you have these people "on Favorites" or something else? Lily on favorites The only time I've ever heard "Speed Screenshot of a text exchange: Lily alal usea was ta song that's like the only reason I know what it means [Me] Like you would use it as an idiom? "He's got her on Favorites" or "I've got my lawyer on Favorites?" Lily I guess not Sophia They say it in Gilmore girls [Me] Exactly Lily I don't think I'd use speed dial either tho [Me] lol Lily I'd just say I've got my lawyer on the phone or something [Me] What's the current equivalent? When was the last time you manually inputted a regular person's number in order to call them? Micah Pin messages Screenshot of a text exchange: Micah Pin messages Lily But i'd definitely get what people are saying if they use speed dial as an idiom Micah [screen grab of pinned Faves] Lily I think I'd find it a little weird or old fashioned as a saying Micah This is speed dial Lily but idk what the modern equivalent is
July 3, 2025 at 9:53 PM
jaredparker.bsky.social
Screenshot of a text message exchange: [Me] From the internet, a question for you kids: If you're thirty years old or younger, does the term "on speed dial" mean anything to you? (The question is not whether you have practical experience of a phone's speed dial function; the question is does the phrase carry any meaning for you as an idiom.) Lily yeah I use it [Me] What does "speed dial" mean to you though Lily The people who are worth talking on the phone to enough to keep their phone numbers easier to dial like if someone on your speed dial it means they're people you call a lot [Me] Right but what is "speed dial" actually Lily a way to save phone numbers on old phones right [Me] Right
July 3, 2025 at 9:37 PM
jaredparker.bsky.social
Post a non-religious picture you think of as holy
Fred Rogers, ministering by smiling at the camera as he puts on his house shoes
June 30, 2025 at 7:34 PM
jaredparker.bsky.social
Han Solo in stormtrooper garb sweatily talking into a comms mic on the Death Star Closeup of an panel of intercom buttons labeled “TALK”, “LISTEN”, and “DOOR”; a fingertip is depressing the “LISTEN” button. The caption reads, “Dick Laurent is dead.”
June 17, 2025 at 2:33 PM
jaredparker.bsky.social
This is the kind of journamalism NPR is begging you to save from the GOP’s axe
"The real debate here is whether we can solve public health problems by developing treatments like vaccines, antibiotics, or other drugs? Or whether we will solve these problems by strengthening people's immune systems through healthier habits?" says Gregg Girvan, a resident fellow at the Foundation for Research on Equal Opportunity, a Washington think tank. "And my response is, 'Why can we not acknowledge that there is truth in both positions?'"
June 16, 2025 at 1:01 AM
jaredparker.bsky.social
The cutest little girl in the world giving an equal-parts confused and bemused half-smile with the caption, “¿Porque no los dos?”
June 2, 2025 at 5:21 PM