Convincing my enemies to sing My Way at karaoke

I always appreciate a compliment sandwich because I really love bread

This is my entire life

i'm tired of being told to stop doomscrolling. i'm just scrolling, it's not my fault there's doom on there

High school is a bunch of children trying to convince each-other about what qualifies as cringe. Adulthood is realizing everything is cringe so lean in

Just listened to an interview with the guy who wrote the theme song for #onlyMurdersInTheBuilding and apparently it's not intended to be a parody of the Serial theme song? Or at least he didn't bring it up... is there a legal reason he couldn't mention it? They're even in the same key?????

Apparently in the olden days, the internet was bad because of HUMAN malice 😮 I can't believe they used to do malice by hand 🤯

One of the words that always gets stuck on the tip of my tongue is "chisel," and also I have always mixed up the concepts of chisels and putty knives, so I end up googling "what's the word for a spackle knife" and Google doesn't know because how could it

"Perfection creep" is such a good word for this

oh no

BREAKING: The digital release of Wicked will include the full 29 minute scene of Elphaba dancing alone at the Ozdust Ballroom.

You’re still arguing about tabs vs. spaces? May I present…

*my brother and I doing a puzzle*

Me: It's so annoying when you catch a glimpse of an edge piece, but you cant figure out exactly where it is because of saccades

Brother: What are saccades?

Me: SaccaDEEZ NUTS 😎😎😎