Ian of the Lizard Folk
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ianfortey.bsky.social
Ian of the Lizard Folk
@ianfortey.bsky.social
6.9K followers 1.6K following 22K posts
🍁NY Times & Amazon best-selling horror and comedy writer. Taco supporter & food writer. Author of WereCage & a book about Eve6. Bon vivant and lustrous man about town.

Here's my books, you beautiful buggers - https://books2read.com/b/werecage
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ianfortey.bsky.social
Best friends passed out like rubby dubs.
A small black dog and a red harness in it orange and white cat laying on some giraffe sheets on a bed
November 27, 2025 at 3:04 AM
ianfortey.bsky.social
Fergus is infatuated by the waves, apparently.
November 26, 2025 at 11:16 PM
ianfortey.bsky.social
Baby's first run crying to Twitter.
Armin Ronacher on Twitter saying I made a post on Blue Sky that pulled in a pretty hostile anti-ai crowd overnight. The comments are vulgar yet oddly fascinating.
November 26, 2025 at 7:52 PM
ianfortey.bsky.social
These are original Tin Roof Sundaes from the little Nebraska diner that invented them. While I understand what's happening here, and these are all ingredients that I would enjoy eating, this presentation is so unpleasant to me I would not order this. I don't want sloppy shit food. Can't do it.
Three ice cream sundaes that are topped with chocolate fudge and melted marshmallow to the point that it's pouring all the way down the glasses and into a saucer below them
November 26, 2025 at 5:47 PM
ianfortey.bsky.social
I don't usually post selfies, but it's the holiday season, right? Here's me having fun with some friends who are just off camera.
This is a selfie of me and not the wooden Golem from the movie Oddity. Why on Earth would I use a picture of that and say it was me?
November 26, 2025 at 5:21 PM
ianfortey.bsky.social
Journey into the mist with me and Fergus.
November 25, 2025 at 11:02 PM
ianfortey.bsky.social
No sunset today, just mist.
I like covered in a foggy mist with the silhouette of trees in the background and to the left
November 25, 2025 at 10:24 PM
ianfortey.bsky.social
Is 4 cookies for $31 normal these days? Am I just so old that I look at this and think "back in my day, 4 cookies cost, like, $4. Maybe $8 if someone was trying to fuck you?"
an order page for a sample box of cookies with four cookies in a box for $31.
November 25, 2025 at 9:46 PM
ianfortey.bsky.social
$7 on Temu, you say?
A cat wearing glasses, a hat, and a cape like some sort of Sherlock Holmes knock off
November 25, 2025 at 5:01 PM
ianfortey.bsky.social
Gather around for some delicious Danish butter cookies, children. Feel free to leave your hands at home.
Another cookie Tim featuring what looks like AI generated children. One of whom may have reversed head, but all of whom seem to be missing their hands.
November 25, 2025 at 4:50 PM
ianfortey.bsky.social
Merry Christmas! Please enjoy the cookies and ignore that giant mosquito on the building to right!
A seat on a cookie tuna children ice skating on a frozen River in a town with windmills, except the windmills don't have the right blades so the one on the right appears to be a monster mosquito on top of a silo of some kind.
November 25, 2025 at 4:37 PM
ianfortey.bsky.social
Everyone knows that Christmas cookies come from Santa twerking on a hoarder's coffee table.
A cookie chin featuring Christmas art which is the most cluttered, chaotic AI garbage featuring messy, nonsense packages over half of the image that bleed into a Christmas tree and then a weird disproportion Santa Claus squatting on a coffee table
November 25, 2025 at 3:24 PM
ianfortey.bsky.social
You can block me but I still remember the dumb shit you said.
User Fallonturing saying that one, some people have no idea just have poor can get, and how miserable it is to have no legal access to art. Too some people think poor people don't deserve access to art.
November 24, 2025 at 9:20 PM
ianfortey.bsky.social
Christmas is coming and if you don't want to buy a custom short story from me, you can also buy a 4 ft long stainless steel replica of the Sword of Omens from ThunderCats for $90 Canadian on Temu.
The ThunderCats sword of Omens. It's a typical longsword with the ThunderCats red and black logo on the hilt and some gems set into it
November 24, 2025 at 5:25 PM
ianfortey.bsky.social
When you are lost, look to Fergus. He will show you the way.
November 23, 2025 at 10:46 PM
ianfortey.bsky.social
We call this one Blurgus by the water
Strangely blurry photo and a small black dog and a red coat standing in front of a small pond with the haze of a yellow Sunset and the distance
November 23, 2025 at 10:31 PM
ianfortey.bsky.social
Haven't seen a sunset in a while.
Yellow and orange sunset we need a couple of gray clouds, and then a pale Gray sky, you could Rippling Lake in the foreground, in the silhouette of trees separating them
November 23, 2025 at 10:22 PM
ianfortey.bsky.social
Are KFC Malaysia's mashed potatoes AI?
The perfectly spherical scoop of mashed potatoes with a layer of brown gravy on top that honestly does not look like a real photo in the slightest
November 23, 2025 at 9:47 PM
ianfortey.bsky.social
I've just looked at about a dozen International KFC sites and I can't explain why, but that company loves photos of food that look like they've been jizzed on. There's so many oozey menu items. All colors of jizz. All thick and drippy.
Some sort of Malaysian fry dish with drippy white sauce on the french fries A wrap from some KFC with big drips of white goo coming down the sides of it I think the sandwiches from KFC in Kenya. It has a dripping brown sauce puddling around it Some giant double stacked chicken sandwich with orange juice sauce just dribbling down the bottom bun in an obscene fashion
November 23, 2025 at 9:46 PM
ianfortey.bsky.social
European KFCs are a whole different world.
Search cherry tomatoes that you can order at KFC in France. It's just tomatoes. Like right off the vine.
November 23, 2025 at 9:24 PM
ianfortey.bsky.social
Hey. Hey, you want some bread? Hey, you didn't get enough breading on your chicken? I got you, boss.
A mini loaf of bread that you can get at KFC. It's just what it says it is, it's a loaf of bread.
November 23, 2025 at 9:17 PM
ianfortey.bsky.social
Oh hell yes. They call this the A.M. Cheese Hotdog Rice Bowl and it's breakfast.
A bowl of rice and some sort of yellow substance, I don't know what it is, the menu didn't help me really, there's also two wieners in here.
November 23, 2025 at 9:00 PM
ianfortey.bsky.social
Colonel Sanders, what that tongue do?
A package of Fresquito Dipping lick from KFC which I guess is some sort of powder you dip your chicken into? There's a cartoon picture of Colonel Sanders with a massive tongue licking his chicken on this. It's kind of fucked up.
November 23, 2025 at 8:51 PM
ianfortey.bsky.social
what the fuck is this?? What the hell is happening at international KFC locations? Those aren't sesame seeds on that insane bun, by the way, those are goddamn rice krispies.
Combo from Spanish KFC featuring something called the Monstrous Combo which is a chicken sandwich on an insane purple bun that's covered in puffed rice instead of sesame seeds. There's also weird little crusty cheese bites visible, some fries in the background, Spanish Pepsi, and some kind of sauce
November 23, 2025 at 8:50 PM
ianfortey.bsky.social
Why the hell does Mexican KFC advertise the potatoes like this? What kinda Pennywise circus-ass potato dish is this?
preposterous corkscrew curly mound of mashed potatoes and gravy like a goddamn big top in a red and white striped bowl.
November 23, 2025 at 8:47 PM