The only way this could be better is if the Lolita Express was an actual train

Nothing. But as skills go I'd call it "nice to have" as opposed to "vital".

I wonder if calling him in to testify on Capitol Hill in front of a committee where he'd be grilled by reps like AOC, Jimmy Gomez, and Norma Torres would be enough to get him to show his true colors. I wonder if it would even matter at that point.

Between buying both my lovely wife and my mom Bird Buddies and having a copy of the Field Guide to Dumb Birds of North America on the coffee table, I think our transition to crazy bird couple is almost complete

They're the same people who would've burned down the Library of Alexandria and danced in the ashes 🤨

If you want a goddess then you need to be ready to worship 😏

We got an anonymous tip saying he was here illegally. Maybe we grabbed him by mistake but hey, it's too late to do anything about it now ☺️

Grindr should do a rebrand as "Lonely alpha male friend finder" (Findr for short) and the problem might just solve itself ☺️