Griffin Schwartz
@griffinschwartz.bsky.social
Just a weird guy. Contributor at The Beaverton.
Enchanted weapons salesman 👇
Normal weapons won't harm a vampire, they must be enchanted. Make sure you're equipped with such an item.
December 30, 2025 at 12:47 PM
Enchanted weapons salesman 👇
Just finished writing my mystery novel called The Lies We Kept Secret. It’s 400 pages long and it fucking sucks .
December 29, 2025 at 3:24 PM
Just finished writing my mystery novel called The Lies We Kept Secret. It’s 400 pages long and it fucking sucks .
Reposted by Griffin Schwartz
Shouldn't you be feeding the prisoners, slop drudge?
December 6, 2025 at 4:00 PM
Shouldn't you be feeding the prisoners, slop drudge?
Trump is completely floundering here because he is in uncharted territory. He’s literally never had to contend with a Democrat who is both popular and charismatic lol.
Q: Are you affirming that you think President Trump is a fascist?
MAMDANI: I've spoken about--
TRUMP: That's okay. You can just say yes. I don't mind.
MAMDANI: I've spoken about--
TRUMP: That's okay. You can just say yes. I don't mind.
November 21, 2025 at 10:17 PM
Trump is completely floundering here because he is in uncharted territory. He’s literally never had to contend with a Democrat who is both popular and charismatic lol.
Reposted by Griffin Schwartz
Blue Jays, Dodgers cause mass confusion by dressing up as each other for Halloween world series game
Blue Jays, Dodgers cause mass confusion by dressing up as each other for Halloween world series game
TORONTO - The Toronto Blue Jays and Los Angeles Dodgers caused mass confusion across North America today as they each dressed up as the other team for today’s World Series game that coincides with Hal...
www.thebeaverton.com
October 31, 2025 at 6:47 PM
Blue Jays, Dodgers cause mass confusion by dressing up as each other for Halloween world series game
Reposted by Griffin Schwartz
Reposted by Griffin Schwartz
October 25, 2025 at 1:08 PM
Reposted by Griffin Schwartz
Nobel Prize in Medicine awarded to hospital administrators for breakthroughs in surliness
Nobel Prize in Medicine awarded to hospital administrators for breakthroughs in surliness
OSLO - Today the Nobel committee announced that they have awarded this year’s prize in Physiology or Medicine to everyone who works as an administrator in a hospital for breakthroughs in surliness and...
www.thebeaverton.com
October 6, 2025 at 9:33 PM
Nobel Prize in Medicine awarded to hospital administrators for breakthroughs in surliness
Reposted by Griffin Schwartz
How did you get in here? What are you doing here?
October 2, 2025 at 7:00 AM
How did you get in here? What are you doing here?
Reposted by Griffin Schwartz
Landlord claims space under porch counts as second bedroom
Landlord claims space under porch counts as second bedroom
35 Minutes Away From Where You’d Ideally Like To Live - Frank Moriarty, the landlord of the apartment you took the afternoon off from work to view, told you today that the space under the front porch ...
www.thebeaverton.com
September 24, 2025 at 9:41 PM
Landlord claims space under porch counts as second bedroom
Reposted by Griffin Schwartz
Pedestrian walking in road because cyclist riding on sidewalk because car parked in bike lane
Pedestrian walking in road because cyclist riding on sidewalk because car parked in bike lane
TORONTO - Eyewitnesses today confirmed reports that a pedestrian was walking in the road because a cyclist was riding on the sidewalk because a car was parked in the bike lane.
www.thebeaverton.com
September 3, 2025 at 9:03 PM
Pedestrian walking in road because cyclist riding on sidewalk because car parked in bike lane
When your bonus is forfeit <<<
Baenlin is dead, yes, but you did not fulfill the contract precisely as directed. I will grant your reward of gold, but the bonus is forfeit.
August 29, 2025 at 11:20 PM
When your bonus is forfeit <<<
Reposted by Griffin Schwartz
Bruce Fanjoy wins Battle River-Crowfoot by-election
Bruce Fanjoy wins Battle River-Crowfoot by-election
CAMROSE, AB - In yet another shocking electoral upset, Conservative leader and former Member of Parliament Pierre Poilievre has somehow been defeated once again in today's by-election by Liberal MP Br...
www.thebeaverton.com
August 18, 2025 at 9:29 PM
Bruce Fanjoy wins Battle River-Crowfoot by-election
Reposted by Griffin Schwartz
Guards! Guards! Someone's being attacked!
August 13, 2025 at 9:00 PM
Guards! Guards! Someone's being attacked!
Reposted by Griffin Schwartz
M'aiq knows much, tells some. M'aiq knows many things others do not.
July 28, 2025 at 3:00 AM
M'aiq knows much, tells some. M'aiq knows many things others do not.
Reposted by Griffin Schwartz
Reposted by Griffin Schwartz
Newly discovered Shakespeare folio reveals lost play 'Dracula vs. Frankenstein'
thebeaverton.com/2025/07/newl...
thebeaverton.com/2025/07/newl...
Newly discovered Shakespeare folio reveals lost play 'Dracula vs. Frankenstein'
Stratford, England - Shakespeare Birthplace Trust archivists today announced their discovery of a lost Shakespeare folio for a play entitled “Dracula vs. Frankenstein.”
thebeaverton.com
July 15, 2025 at 11:23 PM
Newly discovered Shakespeare folio reveals lost play 'Dracula vs. Frankenstein'
thebeaverton.com/2025/07/newl...
thebeaverton.com/2025/07/newl...
Reposted by Griffin Schwartz
Poilievre can't believe he hung out with Jordan Peterson for nothing
thebeaverton.com/2025/06/poil...
thebeaverton.com/2025/06/poil...
Poilievre can't believe he hung out with Jordan Peterson for nothing
OTTAWA - Former member of Parliament Pierre Poilievre today bemoaned the interview he gave to Jordan Peterson, saying he can’t believe he hung out with him for a whole afternoon only to have it all to...
thebeaverton.com
June 15, 2025 at 9:40 PM
Poilievre can't believe he hung out with Jordan Peterson for nothing
thebeaverton.com/2025/06/poil...
thebeaverton.com/2025/06/poil...
Getting the severance procedure twice so that my innie is an outtie to a second innie
February 8, 2025 at 12:54 AM
Getting the severance procedure twice so that my innie is an outtie to a second innie
Applauding when the flight attendant comes by with the drink cart
November 30, 2023 at 5:24 PM
Applauding when the flight attendant comes by with the drink cart
The first thing they teach you in a physics PhD program is that it’s actually safe and good to put metal in the microwave 👍
October 10, 2023 at 11:10 PM
The first thing they teach you in a physics PhD program is that it’s actually safe and good to put metal in the microwave 👍
Wearing a cock ring because I just got cock-engaged 😃
October 2, 2023 at 12:35 PM
Wearing a cock ring because I just got cock-engaged 😃
Excited to share that I have finally finished my feature length screenplay 😃
September 13, 2023 at 9:52 PM
Excited to share that I have finally finished my feature length screenplay 😃
For sale: clown nose, never honka honka’d.
September 13, 2023 at 7:01 PM
For sale: clown nose, never honka honka’d.